Tuesday, November 1, 2011

An Early Morning Post

I have never written a blog post so early in the morning! It's 6 am as I write it!
The only time I remember waking up early, ( Early to me is 7am! Anything before that is "almost night"), is when I was in school, when I woke up by around 7.15 and hurried up and got ready for school by 8am. I remember my childhood when I look at Aadu and Molly now a days!

I remember, 'Bhai' or mamma,('Bhai' is what I call my father), used to come to our room and declare the time, which used to be 7am. Me and my sister always heard it, but never woke up at that time. Then at around 7.10, the fan would be turned off! And turning off the fan is a BIG No-No in Goa, since it is so hot! Still we adamantly continued sleeping! At about 7.15, mamma would barge into the room shouting at us,pulling our blankets, or dragging us out of the bed. I do not remember much whether I ever finished my breakfast or not, or whether I was quick to brush or did I just lull around till I made it to school. ..Oh yes, I do remember that me and my sister sometimes finished our breakfast sitting in the car, while my father drove us to school. Shoes almost every day would be worn in the car!

I was amongst the late comers at least twice a month. In fact we had our own gang of late comers, people who would always turn up late. We were the relaxed , laid back types. Taking a few shoutings and punishments from Lotlikar teacher or Mense sir did not stir us, whereas the 'first time' late comers or 'rarely-late' comers would shiver , some of them would even cry! I could never understand the commotion some kids threw at such minor happenings in life. I could also never understand why the 1st ranker of the class needed to cry after she( only she's can cry for getting less marks! I have never come across a 'he' who has cried for scoring less!), scored a few marks less than the highest marks in Maths or science!

But crying in school is something I have done.Why school? I have also cried in Law college, why college? I also ended up in tears once when my boss shouted at me while I was doing my internship in Mumbai!

In fact crying is an emotion that touched me very late in life. Somewhere by the end of school life. And it became an emotion I could not control for many years. There was no saying, when , where and how I will cry. I just had to let go of all the frustration that would built up in me. And this has led to a series of embarrassing incidents, for me and also the immediate person responsible for all my tears! But still, throughout my school and college life I never cried for marks, ( I had other criteria that made me cry.)I only cried last year when I did not pass my exam at the 1st attempt! That too an attempt I had given half hearted without any preparation.

Failing an exam was an experience I only had last year. And it sucks!! I know of too many people who comment, laugh and pass judgements on people who have failed a couple of times in their exams, especially some important and tough exams! These are typically those people who themselves have never given a competitive exam and have no guts to even think of attempting one! Thankfully I had no one but myself who criticised me for not studying a "Lil harder", as I had not made the cut by a few marks ( It's always like that, isn't it?)
After giving the 1st paper, I felt so terrible about myself. I had never sat through an exam looking at people's faces. An examination hall is the last place I want to check people out. I better have stuff to write down on those sheets, and so I studied damn hard for the next attempt, and thank god! I passed!

It's amazing how my mind starts shooting memories and thoughts and information from the 1st moment I wake up! I know the mind is working throughout the night as well, but early morning thoughts are fresh! They give a new dimension to life, based on what has been learnt so far.

As for me, till yesterday I struggled hard to deal with a lot of emotional backlog, and a lot of study backlog as well. It's always this way, that when you have an important exam facing you in your face( say professionally), there's also an emotional exam tugging at your back! And you are stuck.....it takes so much courage and patience to decide to move your butt some way and kick off both the exams so hard in their face that you make your way clear!

It's the start of a new month today!
Also the start of a new study schedule...it's my final lap for this exam!
Also the Birthday of one of my favourite person! ( And no....I'm not talking about Aishwarya Rai!)
And also the Karnataka Rajyotsava Day!
It's more than 1 reason to be happy, to start up early, to smile and to be at my best!!

Wishing you all A very Good Morning!


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