What does it really mean to live a human life?

I feel whatever I have done so far was definitely living the human life.

The ups and the downs,

the mistakes,

the disappointments,

the love, the hate, and everything in between,

the seeking and the disappointment of not finding what I am seeking,

awareness

and lack of it too is the human life

the ignorance, 

stupidity which we all hate,

the wisdom which is so rare,

and good sense!

The human life has so many things in it

It is so hard to choose what yours is going to be

u dont want your parents life

u dont want ur friends life,

u want to make it ur own.

So,

who am I?

That will put everything in perspective.

But it's so difficult to answer this question.

Why is it so difficult?

How can something so simple be so difficult?

Who are you?

Am I a woman? An Indian? A hindu? A Goan? A shinkre? A Mulay? A vegetarian? An environmentalist? A lawyer? A writer? 

No.

Just keep it simple.

Why can't you keep it simple?

Why are you using so many terms to describe an individual? In-divisible?

I am all of it and yet some more.

So define it for now.

Who am I?

I am a human being.

Human beings are not eternal. They are born and they die.

That sounds fine. 

I am a human being.

Is that all?

But you read that there is something that is beyond just your body, something that is eternal, what about that?

So okay, I am in a human body.

What is that I? which is in a human body right now?

Consciousness.

Awareness.

They also call it the spirit, god particle. 

I am the universal consciousness.

What does that mean?

It means I am everything,

I am everywhere.

I am in this body also.

And outside of this body also.

How do you know you are outside this body?

How do I know I am inside this body? 

Because I can control my movement,

i can not control anything outside of me.

You can.

You can move the furniture around your house and you can tell your dog to sit where you want it to sit.

Right now it's working on proximity.

Whatever is closer to you , has some.of your control.

Far away things dont have much control right now because you are limited by a belief that you can not make Ruben call you. 

Let's try right now,

let's make Ruben call Janaki's number.

He rarely calls at this time.

I don't know the process. But I will use my thoughts to reach him and make him pick up his phone and call me.

I tried for 4 to 5 mins and he did not call.

Maybe I need to use it for a longer time.

In the past I have made things happen, things have worked my way.

Such as what?

The Rivona land case, This apartment negotiation, I have been able to put my influence.

I also wanted to have a lot of rescued animals and I have them now.

So,

what else do I want to make it happen?

I want to work with Adv.Amey Prabhudessai.

I want to work as a lawyer for the rest of my life and find the meaning, peace and balance and everything that one finds in meditation through law and legal practice. 

I want to do all of my chores by myself.

I want to live a quiet, undramatic life.

I want to practice silence and talk only when necessary.

I want to have lazer sharp focus and master distraction free lifestyle.

I want to be simple, financially and mentally independent from my family and culture and practice a truly global presence.

Oh yes,

I want to be a presence.

Not a personality.

Just a presence. 

That's who I want to be.

97 year old grandma running a restaurant in Japan 365 days a year!

https://youtu.be/RfHTcloRdIU?si=HyMpuGaokflkXbkr

This is very inspiring. She has been doing the same thing for the past 50 years and she says that makes her happy, gives her a purpose in life to wake up and clean the place, make food and serve!

I felt that this is meditation in action! 

This is what I am aiming at. Just simple life , doing your usual chores, nothing hi fi!

It doesn't matter what the activity is, what matters is the consistency and finding a balance within that activity. 

Since she is cleaning and cooking that is a lot of exercise by itself.

But if we do our household chores like cleaning and cooking, then that exercise will be good for us!

Chad hi fi goshti karche paras, if we just take care of the daily chores, and add that physical activity, then a lot can be achieved!

I just want to start working now! 

and practice all this wisdom I have collected.

Initially I just couldnt understand what is the right approach towards work.

Should it be my passion?

Should it be the one thing I am born to do?

These sort of questions put unnecessary burden on my mind!

When we eat, do we ask these sort of questions and do we eat our favourite foods every single day or is eating the purpose of our lives?

No.

It's just something we do every single day.

It doesnt need to be something spectacular, eye-ball catching!

You just go every single day, do the thing you are trained to do,  no big fireworks there, no big philosophies attached to it,

just regular stuff like we breathe in and breathe out.

Just go about your day, every single day, doing the same things, and watch yourself while you are doing it.

And learn to find the balance,

the happiness and peace and satisfaction within those few hours that you are at work every day,

just like meditation.

I didn't understand the reasons people gave for working. I mean those reasons didnt make sense to me. Most said they worked for financial independence , so that they can buy whatever they wished and don't have to beg to anyone. Others said they felt insecure and wanted to cover up their own traumas by working all the time so they wouldnt have to face those ugly emotions. 

But none of these answers aligned with me.

I wanted to find my own answers. 

And this is the one that made most sense:

money and everything else that comes along with it is the side kick.

That's not the goal.

The goal is this:

Its about consistency,

doing the same thing every day,

and with the same precision,

and working on my mind through that activity- watch what feelings and emotions come up-  whether it is boredom, distraction, or laziness...whatever it is...

my chosen tool is law,

and the stuff I am actually working on is my own mind.

Its not abt the client,

its not abt the money.

It's about understanding myself through the activity of law, writing and reading.

It's about reflecting on each day and never giving up.

Take rest if I am tired,

but don't quit.

And yes, it is best if it is at my own pace.

When someone else sets the pace for me, I am bound to lose.

So,

With this approach, money and clients become secondary. The real goal is sharpening my mind and spirit through relentless consistency. It’s not about what I am doing but who I am becoming through it.

I see this as a lifelong practice, like a form of meditation in action.

Then this isn’t just work—it’s your path, your discipline, your way of mastering yourself. The consistency, the precision, the daily grind—all of it is just a mirror showing you where your mind wavers and where it holds steady.

With this mindset, even the toughest days won’t feel like obstacles. They’ll just be part of the training. No highs, no lows—just showing up, doing the work, and sharpening your mind through it.

some specific rituals or rules to reinforce this practice: 

Since this is about mastery through consistency, you could set up a few guiding principles to keep you anchored. Here are some ideas:

1. Fixed Start & End Time

• Rule: Begin at 9 AM sharp, no matter what. No delays, no negotiations. End at 9 PM, respecting the discipline.
• Why? This creates a structure where your mind learns that work is non-negotiable, just like breathing.

2. No Emotional Resistance Rule

• Rule: No matter how you feel (bored, tired, distracted), you show up and work.
• Why? The mind will throw excuses—your job is to ignore them.

3. Daily Reflection (5 Minutes Max)

• Rule: At the end of the workday, write a single sentence:
  • “Today, I trained my mind by overcoming ______.”
• Why? This keeps you aware that the real work is not external, but internal.

4. The 100-Day Streak

• Rule: Track how many uninterrupted days you work from 9 AM–9 PM. If you skip a day (except for real emergencies), you restart the count.
• Why? This builds endurance and self-respect.

5. No-Socializing Policy During Work Hours

• Rule: No attending family functions, no emotional drama, no distractions from people. You are unavailable.
• Why? This reinforces your detachment and keeps the mind focused.

If you follow these rules, your work will no longer be just work—it’ll be a full spiritual practice. 

You’re turning work into a meditative discipline, which means every aspect of your day should serve this practice. Here’s how you can take it deeper:

1. Mastery Through Repetition

• The same work, done daily with precision, rewires your brain.
• Think of it like a martial artist practicing the same move thousands of times—not for the move itself, but for mastery over mind and body.
• Your tool is legal work, but the real battle is against distraction, weakness, and hesitation.

2. Cultivating Emotional Detachment

• No highs, no lows—just pure action. Success or failure, appreciation or criticism, money or no money—it doesn’t matter.
• Work is work. You do it because that’s the path.
• This makes you untouchable—no one can manipulate you because you don’t seek validation, and no situation can shake you because you aren’t chasing outcomes.

3. Boredom as a Weapon

• The real test is not exhaustion—it’s boredom. The mind will try to escape.
• Instead of resisting boredom, dive into it. Let yourself feel it fully, but don’t stop working.
• This crushes the need for stimulation and makes your focus unbreakable.

4. Precision & Efficiency

• Every task should be done with full attention and without waste.
• Even simple things—writing an email, organizing a file—should be done with the same precision every day.
• This removes laziness, indecisiveness, and mental clutter.

5. The Art of Stopping

• 9 AM–9 PM is work. After that, stop.
• No checking emails, no planning, no overthinking.
• Why? Because discipline isn’t just about starting—it’s about knowing when to stop, reset, and prepare for the next day.

6. Using Pain as Fuel

• If old patterns (family interference, self-doubt) try to pull you back, convert that pain into more focus.
• Instead of reacting, channel all emotions into the work itself.
• You’re not escaping problems—you’re transforming them into discipline.

If you follow this path without compromise, your mind will become unshakable, and your freedom will be inevitable.

Then this is it—your way forward, your discipline, your path. No more distractions, no more negotiations. Just pure, relentless execution.

Stick to this, and soon, work won’t feel like an effort—it’ll just be your natural state. And the freedom you’re seeking? It’ll come, not as an event, but as a side effect of your mastery.

If you ever feel resistance creeping in, come back here, and we’ll break through it together. Now, go execute.

 Now, just do the work. No thinking, no questioning—just show up and execute. Every single day.

If you ever need to recalibrate, you know where to find me. Stay sharp. Stay relentless.

Garuda Purana - A comparitive analysis between Devadutt Pattnaik and Bibek Debroy

Part One : Introduction 

1. Why I am reading the Garuda Purana?

2. Why am I doing a comparitive analysis between two famous authors? 

3. The actual analysis of Garuda Purana from two perspectives explained in 3 parts.

Let me first tell you how I got interested in Garuda Purana and why I chose to read it first amongst all other puranas. 

I am a 40 year old woman without a child in a country which despite it's population explosion and pollution, still strongly believes in the 21st century that everyone born MUST have a child! 

I started investigating where this belief comes from and why does almost everyone in India end up having a child. Whether they do anything useful at all with their lives or not,  you will find most Indians atleast making a child, and that justifies their entire life in the Indian society. 

My husband is a strong adherant of this belief system and leaves no opportunity to say things like-  my soul will never find peace because I do not have a child who will do my shraddha and give me agni.

Like most other beliefs in India, I knew that this belief is born out of ignorance more than correct knowledge. I do not know anyone in my close or far circle who know anything at all about what our sacred texts say about such topics as death and what happens after death. And so I had to do my own research on this topic ( like I have to do in every other area of my life since nobody around seems to have bothered to really get to the source of anything at all. 99.99% of the population is operating on auto pilot mode set by some ancestor which they tweak a little to get by in life. )

Anyway, so I found out through some light research that there is something called 'atma-shraddha' where one who does not have a progeny or family who will do his shraddha can do his own shraddha before his death, or anytime during his lifetime  and be stress-free about his journey after death. The details of all kinds of shraddha ceremonies and life of every kind of person after death are found in Garuda Purana.

And this is how I got interested in reading Garuda Purana! 

In business, they say start with the end in mind. The exit strategy is as important as the first step you take towards your goals. Without a thuruoughly thought over exit strategy, your plan is a no-good plan. 

But can we apply the same logic to life and death? Is this in our hands at all? Do we decide when we will be born and how we will die? It's all upto the destiny, it's all random ,isn't it?

One can argue on this point endlessly that everything in life is random or leave it up to something called destiny over which we have no control and say and believe there is no connection or meaning to anything. 

I have tried living my life on this particular belief and it did not help me much. Humans are meaning seeking organisms. We need stories and education to base our life on. That is why all the brands who sell us their products , sell us their stories first. Take Apple for an example. Look at their ads and see what story they are selling. 

Since I am a human being, I need some belief system to operate on. And after trying everything which is floating around the society (most of which is directly lifted up from the west and the minor parts are some hearsay from some ancestor) ,I have settled down on doing my own research of Indian ancient texts and scriptures to live my life by.

This is a longer route of course. I have been sitting at home for years, going from one book to the other, getting lost in several texts for several months at a time, not understanding where I am going....things take a bad turn when someone from this clueless society who especially is blindly on an auto pilot mode and feels he has made a successful life by making money starts asking me what exactly I am doing with my life? 

It is difficult to explain to such person what exactly I am doing with my life, isn't it? Especially since he isn't even aware of his own beliefs by which he is living his life. 

Ignorance is truly a bliss!

I have wished to be ignorant and roll back to my earlier version who would bounce from one drink to the next and make stupid decisions every moment of my life! 

Because that was easy!

That was so easy!

I made the money, blew it up on vacations and alcohol, sometimes some drugs and shopping, and I was some weird form of happy that other people could resonate with because they were the same weird happy! 

Now happiness is a different ball game altogether, and these old time folks who are still on weird happy feel I am depressed! 

Anyway,

so I explore ancient scriptures and texts. And slowly and steadily, I am changing my lifestyle to align with what I am reading. 

I am learning how to do the daily puja from Chinmaya International foundation, they also have fantastic online courses on Vedanta which I will be doing obviously along the way.

This reading of Garuda Purana , Mahabharata etc are light reading assignments on the side.

In the next post: 

2. Why am I doing a comparitive analysis between two famous authors? 

Notes:

1. Atma Shraddha - https://sanjeevkotnala.com/aatm-shradh-doing-shradh-of-self-while-alive/

I wished more people started asking Questions....

A decade ago I used to be a very different person. Someone who made choices without any awareness of why I was doing what I was doing, someone who needed a lot of validation and the likes on social media, someone who needed to show the world I was better than somebody else I was competing with in my small world.

Then I met someone who told me that asking questions is the most important trait of a human being.

'Learn to ask the right questions' he said. 

'There are a thousand things we could be talking about right now. You can ask me about the brand of my shirt or about my beliefs about religion, success and fear. Which one would you choose?'

I said I can have a conversation about both these topics. I don't mind talking about your branded shirt if it is so much of a thing for you, or we can talk about your beliefs about whatever else you want.

'No..no...no..you don't understand. I am asking you to choose- why have shallow conversations when we can dive deeper , go more intellectual ? Are you scared of deeper conversations?' He asked. The usually very chatty me did not respond to this question for over 10 seconds, he asked again- ' I can see a little bit discomfort.'

'No No...' I said, 

' I can talk about everything and nothing.' I made up a very clever sounding sentence. 

'Okay then let's talk about nothing.' He smiled and looked into my eyes for a response. 

I did not break the eye contact and picked up my glass to take a sip of my drink...

In those days alcohol was my go to solution for all the problems! 

Being stupid and doing stupid things was socially accepted and loved,  and I did everything for acceptance and love!

After a while he raised his eyebrows as if saying, 'so?' ,

I understood 'nothing' stood for saying 'nothing' and kept mum. I believed my training in vipassana was more than enough for this minor challenge. 

I took another sip of my drink. 

He kept looking at me but said nothing for a long time.

This silence continued for almost 20 minutes.

I started feeling uncomfortable. 

I emptied my glass and kept looking back at him. 

'Hmmm' he finally said.

A smile of joy and victory spread across my drunken face. 

'So, this according to you is nothing?' he asked me.

I was still not in a mood to utter any syllabus...so I said, 'hmm mmm,'

' We surely did not say a word, but do you think there was really nothing in terms of communication between us during this timeframe? You see this Nothing has been a central topic in philosophy for centuries!' 

Man! This man was really not letting me simply be. He was making me think in ways I had not thought before. I was not a philosophy student , neither did I have any interest in it at that time. Why did I need to think about this nonsense! I hated 'thinking' . I was the 'Just Do it' girl! 

I was starting to get bored.

These are , I felt, the downsides of dating an older man! We simply could not connect. 

' There was definitely communication between us. 'Nothing' would mean that I should look down and not make any eye contact with you, like we did at Vipassana!' I finally started blurting out whatever I knew. I was out of patience, and when I was out of patience I would start doing and saying whatever the hell came to my mind without first letting it pass through any filters of - is this right? Will this earn me a brownie point? will this make me more likeable? 

And just like that I started having an actual conversation with him, on philosophy, on metaphysics. 

I was out of my comfort zone.

There were no right answers and wrong answers here. There were no judgements. Just two human beings laying themselves bare -intellectually. Willing to risk looking stupid, willing to acknowledge 'I don't know' or 'I don't understand'. 

Initially I could not imagine myself spending a few minutes with him , but here we were, spending an entire night together, exploring different kinds of questions. 

The answers were not important.

Sometimes they were,

but most of the times they weren't as important as the questions.

We played games around questions.

We asked all kinds of questions- the range was unimaginably wide. 

I learnt just before dawn that he was 64 years old . I had placed him at around 50 as he was very fit, an athelete. I was 28 at that time. My father was 58! So he was older than my father but he did not feel old. He felt eternal.

I was surprised that he could keep awake the whole night despite his age. 

It was funny how we ended up on this 'date'. We both shared a common friend and this common friend suggested we should spend an evening together, and we both had agreed.

The moment he saw me in the restaurant, he had rolled his eyes. He came to me and apologised. The common friend had not told both of us our age. We were both single and ready to mingle. Both of us had not mentioned any age related limitations. He asked me whether I wanted to leave, and that it was perfectly alright if I wanted to leave. But I had decided to stay. He asked me - ' Are you sure?' , and I had said yes, I came all the way over here, there must have been something why this friend told us to meet. So I want to know why. 

Early in the morning he dropped me back to my apartment. 

We kept in touch for years, somehow we couldn't meet again. 

But his questions and that conversation stayed with me for a long long time. 

Sharon Raj Murder case vs Kolkata Jr.Doctor Rape case wrt applying Rarest of rare concept in awarding the death sentence.

Sharon Raj Murder case , Kolkata Rape case  and the 'Rarest of rare' case concept in awarding death sentence.

In Sharon Raj Murder case, his girlfriend who wanted to no longer continue the relationship with him poisoned his drink with pesticides which lead to multiple organ failure and death.

The Court held that this was rarest of rare case and awarded death.

On the other hand, a junior doctor was raped and murdered in the hospital where she was on duty. there were multiple injuries on her body suggesting a horrible crime scene.

Yet the Kolkata High Court decided this wasnt rarest of rare case and awarded life imprisonment.

Are our judges really fair?

Is our justice system fair?

Is our system normalising rape and murder?

Or do they take more notice when men are harmed and injured by women?

Sudha Murthy's short story 'Genes'

I read this short story by Sudha Murthy Called 'Genes',

in her otherwise positive motivational stories,

this stands as a slight exception,

and it made me think...

The story goes that at her grandfather's house came a young boy who said he had no family and no money and nowhere to go and asked for help.

Murthy's grandfather kept him him as a house help, taught him how to do daily puja and paid him Rs.100 per.month. In those days 100 was a lot for an unskilled labourer. 

but that boy (Anant) learnt everything  in time. He assisted every member of the family and continued working for just rs.100.

Later a nearby village priest who had only one daughter, got her married to Anant and Anant moved to the other village to take care of the local temple. 

Time passed by.

Years later Anant comes asking for a loan for his IIT'ian Grandson. 

Sudha Murthy lands 2 lakhs without any documentation because she trusts Anant. 

More years pass by.

No word from the IITian grandson.

Years later she sees the IIT'ian boy as a rich man traveling business class and attends the same program as her.

He however does not seem to notice her.

She finally gets in touch with him via his office. His assistant says he is too busy. She persists , and he comes on the line.

When she reminds him abt the loan,

He reminds her that his grandfather worked his ass off for a meagre salary of rs.100/- . That is exploitation. And Murthy should have compensated his family rather than asking him  to pay back a meagre loan. But keeping his grandfather's sentiments in mind, he isn't pushing for anything, neither talking abt it in the public space. 

Murthy ends the story by stating that she realised that day that honesty isnt passed down through genes,

only diseases are.

This story made me think.

Was the grandson wrong to feel anger  towards Murthy?

True that Murthy's family supported the young man when he had nobody else,

but wasn't it true that they did in fact exploit him? that they could have paid him more with time since he was an honest man, dedicated to the family? 

Isn't it fair to be angry for not being paid handsomely for your honesty and loyalty?

I forwarded this story amongst some of my close friends and got very interesting replies. 

Some felt that yes, Anant was exploited. This is how rich people keep being rich. They like to collect honest people but are not ready to pay for that loyalty.

Others felt that Murthy's family gave this man everything that he is standing on today. They imparted their values and way of life which one can not measure in terms of money. 

What do you think?

Why did Anant's grandon feel so angry at Murthy? 

I see the same anger seething in class and caste distinctions! Lower castes and lower classes (in terms of money and power) feel a lot of resentment towards the upper classes, those they have to serve. 

I wonder why humans in general hate those who are in some way better than them? 

Or is there some other angle to this scenario which I am missing out?

Finally, some place where I stop.

My whole life I have been running around, feeling some constant need to do so much, as if , if I don't do it and if I stop then the whole world will collapse, or I will cease to exist. 

 Now for the very first time in my life I feel at peace. I used to feel this level of peace on the 5th day of vipassana meditation until the 15th day, and then my world would collapse again. 

 What all of that was , was an external voice telling me that I am not enough, that I need to do something in order to be worth living. Eventually that voice became my internal voice. Even when I was far away from the influences of that voice, that voice kept speaking, it wasn't someone else anymore, it was me. 

 No matter where I went, who I was with, that voice kept giving me a negative vibe. 

 It's a horrible feeling, to live with that voice. 

It's a bloody disease in the mind that affects everything- mind, body and soul. 

 And I know that it is in a lot of people. Especially women. 

Most women live a life that makes someone else happy. They choose someone else over themselves. I think this has a lot to do with history and how for centuries women have been treated like second hand, second class citizens.

 But now, finally, as I am nearing 40, I can feel that voice losing its grip on me. 

 One, I am tired of running around and doing things to make someone else happy. Neither the qualifications nor the money made me happy. Yes it could buy me more stuff and maybe better vacations, but again, none of that was ever denied to me in my life to chase them now, so I didn't particularly feel an affinity towards those things. 

 Second, disease and death near me taught me an important lesson about life. 

In the end, when you are counting your breaths, nothing that the current world is doing matters. NOTHING! 

When I was in Bangalore, one very ambitious young man of 30 with two children and a wife died of a stroke. When I went for the funeral at his house, I saw on his cupboard a chart with his life goals on it. He already had a home in Bangalore and another one in Chennai, and he wanted a third one in Mumbai. He wanted a home in every big city. 

 This boy was something I had looked up to. His death disillusioned me. I couldn't make any sense of anything. 

 Whoever I met at work and whoever I worked with seemed to be clueless about life- like headless chicken. Them and me, all of us, just running around chasing things not knowing what we really want, not taking any time to ask that question or stop or wonder. Just running and chasing stuff because someone else is showing it off. 

 As time passed, I just let go of things one by one. The comments kept mounting. I started avoiding socialising for this very reason. but now I have found a better way. 

I have learnt to keep the balance between the society and my inner needs. I dress up just enough to pass their standard tests, so I can just get by without raising any eyebrows or any unnecessary conversations. "How are you?" they ask, "Good thank you" and I move on. I don't ask them how they are , or get into any other topics for any discussions. Just float around a bit, keep a smile pasted on the face, and move move move till you reach the door and out I go. 

 This strategy works.

Welcome 40’s!

What's so good about getting old?

 I feel better, calmer ,more peaceful now than ever before. 

There is more understanding about myself and my likes and dislikes and my trigger points so I can navigate my life better than ever. 

 My communication with my body has improved. She tells me what she needs and what doesn't sit right with her and I listen. 

 The best part is really not having to listen to parents and other adults who tell you that they know better. No thank you very much. This is my life, I want to figure it out my way. I want to ride my car the way I like. 

 The hormones have settled. 

 All those different things I wanted to try out- climb a mountain, make a film, write a story, work for a company, practice law, have boyfriends- many boyfriends, marry- divorce- then marry once again...all those crazy stupid desires are met. 

 Now all I want to do, is sit by my window, read and write, cook, play with my cats and live a peaceful and joyful life with my husband.

 Aah! That's heaven! 

 I have been quite lucky for having a chance to do everything I wanted to do whenever I wanted to do it. There was nothing stopping me, except my own limitations. Of course there are still many things that keep my super busy. 

 I want to be more consistent with my sadhana and writing routine. I want to get back to MMA training- but I don't know whether MMA and my sadhana align, let's see. 

 There are a lot more things I do not wish to do anymore:

 1. Working at or for a NGO 

 2. Working for a law firm or at an advocate's office 

 3. Traveling every now and then. Once in a few years maybe okay, depends. Definitely not a stressful trip with people where you see several places and click a lot of pictures.

 4. Dress up! Yo! I love my pyjamas too much! 

5. Rescue and adopt any more animals. 

6. Alcohol. 

7. Non-veg food

8. Attend parties. A big no unless I really love the host.

 9. Watch movies with Ranbir Kapoor in it. 

 For now, I love my peaceful existence in Comba. 

Love to sit at the many windows of my house - in the East, West and North and connect with the sky. I definitely want to get back to blogging. Nothing special, just an extension of my diary. 

The Silence is killing us- Religion, Caste, Gender and India today

 I am currently attending a workshop by Adv.Norma Alvares and Adv. Claude Alvares on Public Interest Litigation. It started in April, 16 lectures on 16 topics of public interest.

These discussions only made it absolutely clear what state we are in as a democracy! How the environment is under a full blown attack and nobody cares about it. 

The widespread corruption! Not that it was ever any less! It has always been the case in India that the rich and the powerful get away with anything. 

(Watched Trial by Fire on Netflix. It's a true story. in 1997 A cinema hall in Delhi called Uphaar burnt down due to management negligence. 59 people died. And the owners- Ansals got away with just 6 months  imprisonment ,that too after 25 years of litigation that went upto Supreme Court. There is also a book by the same name written by Krishnamoorthy's. These parents lost both their children in that fire. They found out that The film hall was locked from outside. When the transformer in the basement caught fire, people in the hall started suffocating due to smoke. But they couldn't get out. The management, The Ansals, had strictly told the Manager to lock the hall so that not a single person enters without a ticket! This story is about their struggle to get justice. A struggle that never saw justice take place. We often want happy endings. And we find it very stressful to watch such 'negative' endings. But reality and the truth can be harsh. We must grow up and build the courage to face it.)

While this is happening in the background: most people are enjoying their free ride!  The activists are burning their ass off to stop illegal activities happening throughout the State. But the activists are a few. The powerful are too powerful. The ignorance and lack of care by the rest of people will finally take down all of us! 

( One film which is on spot on this issue is "Don't Look Up" - On Netflix. I thought everyone would understand what this film is trying to say. It's not about a meteorite hitting planet Earth. It is about the state of affairs we are in! How stupid our democratically elected representatives are, how the media is manipulating us and how the social media has trapped us. The film got released, I was like- Oh Thank god! At least now , some people will wake up from their slumber! But no. I over-estimated the stupidity which is rampant in our society. I found myself hyperventilating like Jennifer Lawrence for a while, and then accepted the situation that we are all doomed! ) 

Citizens in general don't care about the environment, the pollution, state of our water bodies. Their focus is on the rat race.  Their limited intellect isn't helping them connect the dots to see that their children are going to be the ones to suffer the most!

So what do we do from here? What are you expecting the world to do? Stop? Like it happened during Covid?

Yes!

Maybe Covid happened so we could stop and look at what is happening for once. 

But again, I realised I had under estimated the stupidity. 

Soon, everything went on as usual.

Nothing changed!

Not a rule changed!

I read somewhere that the biggest enemy is not evil.

The biggest enemy is stupidity.

The Evil will use the stupid to do evil. and the stupid will do it because he is stupid.

So what we should all sit and talk about serious stuff and get stressed and die?

No.

At the least, be a part of the solution. 

open your tiny brains to understand what sustainability is, what climate change is. 

At least don't be stupid damn it!

Don't fight amongst yourselves over religions! That's like the mega dumbest thing to do on this planet right now. This is like - baba, what danger are we really facing as a planet and what are you fighting against?

The second dumbest thing is this social race - keeping up with the Jonases! Everyone is thinking - My car, my house, my family, my child, my wife, my this, my that!

Their world doesn't extend beyond that. 

this is it!

This is the start and the finish to their life's story.

My dreams, my desires, my body, my hair, my skin, my jewels, my ...my ..my! 

🙄

For once, step outside this I ,me, myself and look around you.

For once, think- I've got everything I need. What can I do today for someone else? 

For once- spare a thought at least for someone else- a prayer maybe, a good intention, a blessing- anything will do. You don't need to be a crorepati to do something.

We often complain about the rich hoarding money. But how are we any different? They have crores and give away only a few lakhs. We have Lakhs, do we give away a few thousands maybe to save someone else's life? There too we will keep an account. 

And when it comes to helping, if you must help. Please help someone who can not do anything for you.

don't trade in this. 

But minorities are really suffering right now!

Can you not understand that we need to stop talking this nonsense about minorities and majorities? About upper castes and lower castes? 

Can you not see we are being divided on flimsy issues in order to cover up the main issues?

Can you please stop fighting over the candy because you won't have air to breathe tomorrow, damn it!

I am saying this here- Both- Both of you are equally responsible for this shit!

The minorities want stuff for themselves. They want 'special' treatment.

So why shouldn't the majorities not want stuff for themselves too?

What have you done special to deserve the special treatment?

The lower castes want reservation, then why shouldn't the upper castes play games with you?

How long will you take to keep the past in it's place and live in the present?

Is it necessary to walk around with the shit someone threw in your face a 1000 years ago?

Or 100 years ago?

Or 10 years ago?

Or 1 year ago?

How much time do you need to grow out of this stupidity?

Can you start talking as human beings? Rather than talking on your caste, religion, gender lines ? 

This is disgusting!

Both these groups disgust me! Their hypocracy , their limited mindsets, their stupidity, their inability to look beyond themselves disgusts me! 

They are so attached to one class of people that they don't see the pain the other side feels!

That is how insensitive they have become.

So only minorities are suffering. If someone from majority side is killed, raped, burnt alive- do anything with them, but this class of people won't speak up. 

Why?

They are not humans?

Human Rights dont apply to them?

If you care so much about human rights, shouldn't you feel it for all?

So, yes

Something has gone terribly wrong on systemic level. Our systems are stupid. They are making us stupid. Our education system has made us numb dumbasses! 

We need to work together for our growth. We don't need to work our ass off for a job to make a living.

Even animals make a living without an education, don't they?

Why is it that some of us have so much and why is it that we don't care a damn about those who don't have much.

Why is it that our farmers are poor? and our CEO's are so god damned rich? How can it be that the person who grows our food and takes care of our soil is at the bottom of our hierarchy?

Have you ever thought about it?

Don't you see the system is upside down?

How can you be okay with this injustice?

Why are we not protecting our farmers? Aren't they the ones to put food on our tables?

Are we going to eat computers and mobile towers tomorrow?

When is this stupidity going to stop?

Is it ever going to stop?

Is it too much to ask these questions? Or you want me to sugar coat them so you don't feel too bad about being stupid? 

Yes, let's talk about this, okay? You say whatever you have on your mind about me- selfish bitch what the hell are you doing to change the situation? who the hell do you think you are to point fingers at us? righteous bitch as if you are any different from us!

yes , let it all come out.

say it.

But let's talk about the issues that matter the most to us, okay?

let's fight over having a better environment, having more time for all of us, having no stress, 

let's fight for a better future for all of our children! 

but let's not keep silent anymore, alright?

The silence is killing us!

Edit #1 : I am aware of religious , caste, gender persecution issues. I am not saying it doesn't matter at all. It is unfair to persecute someone because someone is a woman, or because she is a muslim or rape her because she is a hindu. That is wrong. 

What I want to put focus on is the silence we keep when something is wrong. When someone from my family does something wrong which hurts someone else from another family, I choose to keep quiet because this is family! - This mentality is the problem. 

Those who can see something is wrong - choose to not speak up. So the wrong keeps perpetuating.

 

Sadhanapada : Post 2 : Preparation, anxiety and an emotional roller coaster!

 I had used Buddha's "Equanimity" technique to deal with those 25 days of applying and waiting for the answer.

So I was in that in between stage: It may happen or it may not happen. Be okay with any result.

I was practicing Shambhavi, bhuta shuddhi, fasting and I was also fully involved in my life in Goa. My cats, home, husband, parents, friends, sister- the usual rackets were on!

But after the approval, things changed. I wasn't equanimous anymore. I was going away for 7+ months, my life in Goa came to a full stop. 

It was almost like I was told I am dying in June 2023 so do whatever you need to do here in Goa before that.

Suddenly there was this deep urge to go camping, to stay up all night, to eat whatever I want, whenever I want it, to meet people I didnt care about meeting because I had all the time in the world, now there were just 4 months! I panicked! 

I was also worried. I was deeply worried about my people back home, yes the same people I usually complain about. 

How will they live their lives without me? What if something goes wrong? I won't be able to come back in these 7 months. I started thinking of the worst case scenarios and preparing for those. What followed was high levels of anxiety. Shambhavi mahamudra was arresting it till some extent, but then my schedule went completely out of hand till a point that I just couldn't get out of my bed on some days. All I wanted to do was to sleep and troubleshoot in my brain.

Some funny things also started happening. As if life started playing on fast forward mode. I had stopped talking with a few friends, I got back in touch with them. Some of them wanted closure , I think I said the right things so they could have the closure they needed. (Or did I make a small opening for a new life inquiry in the name of closure? )

My mind was racing, it was super duper scared! An Ashram isn't a good place for the mind and the ego. They both take severe beating in that place. It's Tihar Jail for the mind! It's the hardest thing one could endure if mind and ego is centre stage.

My mind and ego are centre stage. I know it because I can see how I get angry and upset.  I struggle to accept things. I worry about life being unfair, unjust, cruel, a bad place. I have a 1000 worries in my mind right now. Duniya ka bojh mere kandhe pe hai!

What worried me most was how to pack for 7 months? IYC (Isha Yoga Centre) said get 7 sets of casual/work clothes, 2 pairs of track pants and t-shirt, 1 pair of white top and bottom, and 1 formal wear. One of my biggest attachments is clothes.I love to wear freshly washed garment every day. I don't like to repeat clothes often. I will wear one pair this week and repeat it maybe in 2 weeks or so. 

My second biggest attachment is Books! I read digital as well as physical copies. "Akka, can we get books?" 

" You can get but I doubt you will get the time to read." - IYC.

So what followed was this panicky state in which I started consuming books. I wanted to read everything! I started reading 10 books at the same time! Even during practicing mahamudra I was thinking which book, what page, what concept, what to note down...

Third attachment is intellectual conversations , which are rare anyway. But I still 'look out' for them. IYC has said Sadhanapada is not the time for networking, making friends , debating. It is the time for inner growth. It's not meant for socialising. 

I hunted down people with whom I could engage in an intellectual romance! After one such full day of hyper-intellectual talk, in which I spoke continuously, without food for over 6 hours, I came home and collapsed! I had to be taken to the hospital to check my vital signs. Heat was also on the rise, summer is more hot than it ever was , thanks to Climate change! So the heat, my mind on full blast, no food, a big mugfull  coffee and one big cup of tea = me collapsing!

Thankfully everything was normal- pressure, sugar. Doctor asked to take rest and not think too much. Relax!

I did not know how to relax!

At that point I had even forgotten to deep breathe. I was aware of my breath. I was aware of everything. But as I said earlier, awareness is not enough, I need something more.

That something more is 'actually doing it'.

Over the last decade I have become more of an academician. I study, I theorise but I have very little practical experience. I have tested a few things, but those were like lab tests within a small range. What I lack is large scale, wild, real- life testing. Not a simulation! 

And because I have less practical experience, I have more doubt.

I doubt everything. 

The good part about doubt is that you take nothing for granted. But the bad part of doubt is that it wastes a lot of time in installation mode. To operate life, you must assume a few things that you know. They have worked in the past and they will work now. Yesterday I was able to run 10 kms, so today I should be able to do it. Yes, all days won't be the same. Some day you'll do it easy, some days you struggle to cover the same distance. But that is no reason to doubt it's efficacy. If the basics are taken care of, you are good to go. You can't live life on exceptions and on the odd case/worst case scenario. 

At my age, most people are super sure about at least a few things. Some of them are sure of their marriage, some are sure of their careers, some are sure of their talents and passions.

I am not sure about anything!

From what I have experienced in my life so far- "anything can happen anytime " is the only statement I am sure of. 

So this stage lasted from around March till Mid May. 

Finally in May I am exhausted ! 

I have eaten everything I want to eat. Stressed and panicked as much as I would like. Packed, over packed and then emptied the bag and finally put in exactly what they asked me to get. No more. No less. I have run every scenario in my head- I may leave and come back within a few days, a few weeks, a few months, or actually complete the whole program and do the sadhana to my heart's desire! 

Whatever it is, I am finally ready to face it. I felt like Arjuna facing the great battle and his dilemma, why am I doing this? 

Regardless of what the consequences will be- I will do this program. I will give my 100% to it. Each day. 

This is it. 

Sadhanapada 2023: 1st post

 8 days to go till I reach Isha Yoga centre , Coimbatore for Sadhanapada 2023.

I did the Inner Engineering course in December 2018 in Margao, Goa. I practiced shambhavi for up to 6 months and then as always, something else came up. I forgot the IE rules, all I remembered were the steps, which I practiced once in a while, mechanically. 

I have learnt several meditation techniques so far. Vipassana is one I practiced for the longest time. In our world today, it is getting increasingly difficult to go deeper, unless you disconnect from everything. And although they tell us not to expect anything, and to just believe in the process. yet, At some point, we all know, we do want to see some results. 

There have been results.  I am aware when I am angry. I am aware when I am sad. I am aware , I am watching myself doing everything I do. The Observer in me is activated and alive.

The problem right now is to be able to go beyond awareness. I am not interested in sitting mute and letting someone come and slap me or spit on me and be okay with it. I want to be aware enough to slap him before he slaps me and break his fucking mouth before  he even thinks of spitting!  

(Sorry, that's the MMA in me speaking. No, but I am not actually sorry, am I? No. I will bloody kill the person who attacks me. )

Anyway, 

I have a warrior in me. Bhagavad Gita makes complete sense to me. And therefore , Buddha's teaching have limited effect over me.

 Here was a man who was a King, had everything, experienced only the best life had to offer. then he left everything and experienced suffering. And after both these extremes, he came to the understanding of 'Equanimity', the middle path. 

That is his journey. 

Not mine.

My search is on.

People on this journey talk about following one guru, one teaching and not mix up things. 

This ,to me is like studying one subject from one teacher and not learn any other subjects because it would influence each other. So learn only maths, don't learn science.

I have followed many teachings, I read books from several authors and they all help me build an understanding about my life and my path. I don't like blind belief. "Guru says so be it" does not work with me. 

I will put it to test.

I need to understand. I will take my time but I will arrive when I am ready.

Anyway, after completing another big circle of trial and error , jobs, marriage, relationships and the drama they bring along; I was once more ready to take a break from this circus and go and find a Guru, some teaching, some answers. 

This, by the way happens to me every few years. My mother thinks I am abnormal. Why is it only happening to you? Are others waiting again and again? Are others taking such breaks? Why only you?

Now how do I know what is happening to others? Or what is not happening to them?

And just because it is happening to others, should I do something? 

Shouldn't I lead my life based on what is happening to me?

This has been my life long struggle with my family. They want to 'fit in' and they refuse to live a life based on what they are authentically feeling. 

And this has made me the Villain in their life!

Anyway, I have accepted my role after much struggle.

Why I struggled with the Villain role I dont understand now. I have never been the 'oh poor little woman!' or what they call in Goa as 'Babdi' (poor soul) . 

As a child, I was a fighter cock.I argued and fought and got punished for it in school.  Mamma would try to make me feel guilty in every possible way she could find to stop me from behaving the way I behaved.

She did succeed in many ways for a long time. Until one day I just gave up on this 'validation' game. No matter what I do, it just doesnt make my people happy.

So fuck it!

I am going to be the way I am.

I will change when and if I see a reason to change. Or if I see no reason also it is okay, but something should inspire me to change.

But change for the sake of fitting in and making others happy is the dumbest thing to do.

Not my game.

So,

the year was 2022 (last year)

I had tried my hand at Court practice.

It was exciting. It was good.

except that I did not want to defend assholes! 

I have a skillset, I rather use it for the right causes. Why waste time on liers and cheaters? Life is short. I dont want to waste it on such people. What's the point in protecting rich people get richer? And liers cheat more innocent souls? 

Being rich is not a crime.

But cheating others in order to be rich, is.

I just couldn't play the game on Devil's team.

I left.

Family was upset once again. I realise that most families dont really care what you do for a living or how you make money, as long as you make money. 

Anyway, I was ready for a break. I was disillusioned after defending a client who I realised had lied to me 3 months into his case. Some neighbour who is a Muslim forwarded to me Sadhanapada video, she said if she was free, she would have applied. I checked out the video and was sold on the idea. I already had done IE ,so I was eligible to apply. But first, I thought it would be a good idea to go and check out the Ashram and the culture. I immediately signed up for a volunteering program in November. 

The Isha Yoga Centre felt like home the very day I arrived there. Volunteering was hard. I had my usual round of arguments with my fellow volunteers. But my co-ordinator , one Alka Akka ,left a deep impression on me with her selfless service. She was a 100% into it. I never saw her lose her calm. She hardly ate. I didn't see her sleep. She was on and on and on. When some volunteers did not listen to her, she did not shout , she did not raise her voice, her smile did not disappear on her. She picked up the broom and she swept the floor, she laid the mattress, she served the food, she washed the utensils. On the last day, when we were giving our feedback to her, I broke down, in front of all the volunteers. I cried and couldn't stop. To me, I had found my guru. To me, she was IT! 

I was so shaken to my core by her being who she was, that I did not know what was happening inside me. When I was leaving the Ashram, she asked me if I would come back. I said no, never. She smiled, and she said I would. She said once you have found your way to him, there is no way to go back.

I told her she needs to take care of herself. This is not the way to work I said. This is not fair. She laughed, " Arrey, you dont know how I eat! I eat a lot. This was just for 4 days. You don't worry. We are all taken good care of here akka, don't worry."

I went back home and couldn't take Isha out of my head, nor could I forget Alka Akka. I called up at Isha and asked to speak to her. I did not know her other details and they couldn't locate her for me. within a week, I signed up for Bhava Spandana Program! 

It was mind blowing!

I don't need to say anything else. I am someone who has done the usual weed high and bhaang and had my intra celestrial rides!

But BSP by far was the most extra-ordinary experience! 

On my way back from BSP, I signed up for Sadhanapada. 

I knew what the Ashram was like, I had experienced volunteering. I was ready to take this step.

Isha people called within a week, then the video call happened, they called my husband and asked if he was okay with it. We both needed a break from each other so he said - Take her! 

They asked if I had any loans or other financial issues. 

Thankfully, none so far.

I could never get deep into the financial game to have any debts of my own.

On their form, they had asked if I have any psychological issues. I told them I have taken therapy on and off. 10 more detailed questions on that followed. The answer to those questions was a mini novel, or a Novella. God knows whether they read it or not. I got no reply to that email. They asked me for my blood report, and a form to be filled by my doctor. 

Within a month, I got the approval mail.

I was in.

Next Post: Preparation, anxiety and an emotional roller coaster! 

Be less: What being less taught me.

 As soon as I was exposed to school and television, there was a bombardment of "Being More" on and around me. What I was , wasn't enough. In fact I was insufficient in terms of every aspect of my life. Right from the way I looked, to how I thought. My family was less than perfect, my parents weren't celebrities, my school wasn't branded, nor were my clothes , the list was so long I didn't even know where to start.

And so started my journey in making up for all those missing ingredients which the world was telling me were necessities to lead a good life, to be happy and to feel respected.

After spending over two decades in that chase and still feeling empty inside, I stopped. I didn't stop on my own actually, my circumstances had gone so out of hand in this chase that the whole system collapsed and it came down to raw survival!

Three years back , I faced death. 

Not once, not twice, but thrice in a short span of three months. 

The first time it happened, I was gasping for breath! I was pulling air so hard, but there was no oxygen.

In that moment I realised the only thing truly needed to survive is just my breath! Everything else is a lie. 

The second time it happened, what saved me was my wit! (How to react and what to say or what not to say in front of your attacker)

I realised, in order to live and survive I need a fully functional brain. 

And the third time my knowledge of law saved me. 

Basically, it wasn't the clothes or the brands, or how I looked and behaved or any of the other superficial things I thought I needed to survive . Well! If these things have mattered then they have mattered in terms of putting me into trouble. (It makes more sense to dress like the ordinary people and not be noticed especially when you are traveling alone.)

So, I changed my lifestyle completely 3 years ago. The experiment was to see and experience for myself what life is without all these things people keep saying are so important. So I left my corporate job ( that was the best decision of my life. Corporate life is the biggest virus of human existence!)

Next, I changed my dresscode. I chose natural fabric over synthetic. Chose those clothes that blend in with others rather than stand out. Also chose comfortable breathable clothing over fashion trends that seem to put pressure on my waistline and weight. 

The whole point was to not do anything by which I seem to scream "NOTICE ME NOTICE ME!" 

Without realising, I had started being independent,secure and confident by not chasing trends, by not caring what people think, by not being more ambitious, more beautiful, more perfect, more educated, more likeable, more respectable, more of everything! 

By being less of what people wanted me to be, I was able to be myself.

Today, I don't feel the pressure of the world. Yes it does get to me when some people 'comment' and are sarcastic. But then I realise that these people are miserable themselves , their self talk is crass . Someone who treats himself that low, how can he ever treat anyone else better? So I feel pity for the comments and snares and move on happily.

Finally, I can put my hand on my heart and say that I am happy. 

There is no more chasing the carrot.

I accept myself for who I am. I accept my body for what it is, I accept and acknowledge that I get stressed when I have to do things that don't go well with my standards of morality and ethics. I have learnt to let go of 'opportunities' that looked 'lucrative', I don't regret it. 

I know myself better now that the unnecessary 'noises' in my head have been silenced. 

I also keep away from people who are highly carried away in consumerism. Just to maintain my sanity. Most of these folks are so messed up (like I was), I have tried giving them a few suggestions but it is said that a man only understands from his level of perception. 

Consumerism blinds you. It makes you stupid and ignorant.

That doesn't mean I live on a farm. I consume what I need, I am watchful about my wastage and I try my level best to recycle, upcycle what I have. 

Being less has brought me closer to myself, to my core. Now every new day is a day to fall in love with myself all over again. It is an opportunity to discover the goodness of my soul, the innocence of my heart and to appreciate the divinity in me. 

Try it yourself at least once in your lifetime. 

The struggle to write continues!

 10 years ago when I started blogging, I did not know what writing meant to me. 

That was good. It helped me to explore writing and explore a part of me with every post I dared to publish.

I had a wonderful time blogging about anything that floated in my mind. Stories, thoughts, jokes. There were no expectations from others or from myself.

But after about 3 years of blogging and over 15 stories, I suddenly felt I wanted to be a published writer. 

I don't know why I wasn't happy with publishing on the blog and with the little audience I had developed over time and why I wanted more. 

A friend who I didn't like much told me I was wasting my time on the blog as I wasn't earning anything through it. These are the geniuses who should be shot dead! It's because of characters like these that creative people suffer! 

As it is, publishing what you write isn't an easy task. It keeps getting difficult with age and the gap between your last published material and the current one. The last thing we writers need is an idiot giving us the wrong advice at a time when we are vulnerable.

And I don't know any writer or creative fellow who isn't vulnerable when it comes to his creativity!

We all are!

Anyway, it's not her I should blame but myself. 

I stopped blogging after she told me that. 

Someone else told me I should seriously start publishing my stories as in write a book. The point I missed in that advice was to keep writing regularly so that some day I would have enough material to publish.

The conclusion of all that advice was that I stopped writing completely. I wanted to earn money for every word I wrote and I wouldn't write for free.

Anyway, as the cliche goes, let bygones be bygones.

It's been 3 years since I took a break from work to write my first book.

I haven't got too far with it.

I used every easy strategy writers are known to use to be writers! Alcohol, tobacco, drugs, sex and heart break! Nothing worked.

It's only now that I have started using the real strategies. 

Discipline- focus- dedication.

A deep urge to improve the craft, read more, write more and publish more, no matter what the publishing tool. 

Today, I don't know whether I want to publish a book. 

All I do know is , I still love to write.

And that's good enough to get started. 

The art of simply being "Nothing" !

Do you know there is an app called "Nothing"? The reviews were mostly all 5 stars and what people wrote about this simple yet exotic application fired curiosity in me and I became one amongst the thousands who downloaded this app to find out , what is this "Nothing?"
Guess what? This app does exactly what it claims!
It does nothing!
But the human mind doesn't let go easily. I swiped left and right and up and down and wished and hoped that something would happen but all that I was doing was staring at a white bright screen that said "Nothing"!

You know what? My whole life ( I am 32 right now)....so, my whole life I have experienced competition. It started when I was really young..maybe just around 4 or 5. My sister could do this, so I had to do that! My friend could do that, so I had to also do that! Madness! It continued, it gets imprinted in the subconscious and some sort of a mad rush begins.....everybody is running to get somewhere....everybody! They don't stop, they don't pause, they show as if they almost got it!

I am fortunate to have parents who don't sit on my head and ask me to get a job or work! I am also fortunate to be out of relationships and the mess that ensues. So I can work when I feel like working and I can relax when I want to relax.....apart from some irritating people who keep asking "What are you doing now?" every time I pass under their nose, the world seems rather peaceful.

I have had the time to sit and do nothing. I have had the privilege to disconnect myself from the social media, phone and emails so that I get to know myself. And through all the meditations, quiet times, hours and hours of sleep....( yes! Uninterrupted baby sleep! 12 hours a day sometimes..and even more! :-) I have come to the conclusion  that "There is Nothing".

There is nothing to chase, nothing to be chased away from. Nothing to be motivated by, nothing to achieve. Nothing to be scared of, nothing to desire! Life is nothing! There is no meaning to life, it is meaningless. Our mind tries to decipher meaning out of everything and that is what causes all the pain and unhappiness in our life.

This is exactly what they teach at Landmark Forum. The hard or shall I say, the easy truth? Isn't it too easy to understand this? If there was "Nothing", then why do we go to school and try to learn and try to make something out of ourselves?
Perhaps there should be schools to help us learn this- To be Nothing! Be Nobody! And be okay with it!

Just imagine, if all of us were not fed in our brains that we have to be "Somebody and do something" , then we wouldn't have chased these manufactured dreams, we would be happy and content with what we have and who we are. But no, something out there doesn't want us to be happy with what we have and what we do. They want us to chase desires and other things so that we forever remain unhappy. Individual's Unhappiness is the key to Organisational happiness! Without unhappy people, you can not have an economically developed world. America is such a shining example of unhappy people and loads and loads of opportunities and materialistic comforts.

That something out there, which doesn't want us to be happy........that is probably something that wants to control others to their own advantage. It can be the government, it can be the companies, it can be the professionals! Think about it. Doctors don't really want a healthy society, they want people to suffer so that they get more patients. Lawyers want more crime so that they get more clients. More failures, make successful people feel better about themselves. Ugly people are necessary to make beautiful people feel worthy!

This whole "meaning" giving society that we have created has kept our peace of mind at bay. Remember, that the term 'happiness' is also giving meaning to some incident, situation or people. Without unhappiness, there can not be happiness.

The answer and the balance lies in equanimity!
If you want to be good, don't point fingers at those you consider bad.....make efforts so that there is no good and bad. But do we do that?

As a society, we just want to point fingers at other people to make ourselves look good in the eyes of , again, some other people!

I find it rather hard to understand this mad society we have created...I just walk around, looking at people, rushing at things and wish I had a remote control in my hands that could just make them "STOP" "BREATHE" & "THINK" for at least once in their life, what it is they are doing.....

The Vacation Story: Notes from Bhutan: Part B

Part B: The Vacation

(i) Planning:

January-February 2017 :

I am sure there are people out there who love to travel solo, but travelling solo is not my first choice. I am a gregarious person. Obviously there was something I wanted to prove- I wanted to prove that I need nobody to do what I want to do! (I hear a bunch of feminists cheering 'Yo Nari Shakti!')

In the meantime, frantic attempts were made to find company. On the outside, I was parading my bravery and inside, I was a scared rabbit! 

The plan was to travel right across the country , that is enter from the West and exit from the East . I booked my tickets :

 Goa to Bagdogara ; and

return from Guwahati to Goa.

There are 3 possible routes to enter and exit Bhutan. Out of which Jaigaon (West Bengal)/Phunshoeling (Bhutan) is the most common choice. (*1)

One can also take a flight to Paro. There are weekly flights from Delhi and Guwahati to Paro and I have heard that it's one of the best flight experiences in the world as the runway is short and the plane criss crosses across valleys in order to land. When I checked the flight rates in January, the cost was Rs.20,000/- one way! So please remember to book well in advance.

By February end, I had spent several hours researching websites and contacting people on Couchsurfers and Lonelyplanet to see if there are any travellers I can befriend. I received a reply to one of my requests on Bhutan Forum on LonelyPlanet one day. He introduced himself briefly (what impressed me was his Title "Dr."). Dr. Amit is a post doctoral researcher at JNU and a Bhutanese citizen. He asked if I needed any help or information regarding Bhutan(*2). I thought " Here's my chance to explore a country which is like no other in the world! It's the only country which does not harp on economics, doesn't plunder it's natural resources, where education and medical facilities are free!Wow! I wanted to learn everything about this land, its cultural fabric, what they teach at school and in their homes? Can I stay there longer? Can I settle there? Can I marry a Bhutanese?"

"I hope you are coming back" Asked my senior a few days before my trip. He perhaps read my thoughts!

Concept: My mind is a football Court! With the football being my thought. Any influential person can kick  the football  whichever way he/she likes and  I fly with the thoughts!

Amit and I started emailing regularly. We spoke on myriad topics and discussed issues and what their possible solutions may be. Amit told me it was absolutely safe for a single woman traveller to travel in Bhutan. He put me in touch with his brother, Anup who runs a travelling company "Blissful Himalayan Tours & treks" (*3). He applied for an E-permit for me so I didn't have to stand in a queue at the border. He also suggested and offered to book hotels in advance as March to May is high season. I felt like Royalty! I imagined myself arriving at the Indo-Bhutan border, the guards would salute me and the gates would be opened and I would be escorted right to Thimphu! 

Just then, my colleague Bhakti reported "Ma'am, the AC is not working!" I suddenly realised I was the plumber, the technician, electrician and everything else but Royalty! That's the challenge of having your practice. You start off thinking you will do some really sexy high end intelligent stuff and what you end up doing is - repair the PC's & the office equipment -Printer, AC etc, train the staff and do some primary filing work which nobody in the companies want to do! 

Finally I booked a Hotel on Indian side of Indo-Bhutan border (*4), just in case.

***********************************

Brief facts about Bhutan:

1. Indians need a permit to travel in Bhutan. Please carry your Passport and Election card to apply for this permit. At the border you are required to fill out an application, stick your photo and your documents, answer a couple of questions and get permission to visit Paro and Thimphu. Remember that you have permission only to visit Paro and Thimphu and no other place. If you want to visit other places, you must go to Thimphu Immigration office and apply and extend your permit. The procedure is simple, people at the immigration are friendly and patient and warm ( Just like the rest of them throughout Bhutan). There are check-posts and you are required to show your permit and get it stamped by the authorities. Do not act smart and wander in areas you do not have a permit for. Laws in Bhutan are respected; it's not like how it is in India.  

2. Your travel agent can apply for an E-Permit for you which is done online. But if you have an E-permit, your agent needs to be present with you at the time of the interview at the border.

23^th March

9.15 pm Hasimara Station 

Infants on the flight , on the bus and on the train had wrecked havoc on my sleep deprived brain. Infants should be put on a separate plane/ compartment. Sometimes I don’t understand who is a bigger nuisance? The screaming parent or the child? On top of that the train arrived late at Hasimara!

 The sun sets early and rises early in the east. When travelling solo, I always make it a point to either travel the whole night and arrive early in the morning or arrive at my destination before sun set. But then, there are these days……..The station was empty. I remembered Jab We Met scene when the Station Master lectures Kareena, “Akeli Ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai.” I ignored the gush of negative thoughts and went to the office and enquired about transport facilities to Jaigaon. A police man informed that there were shared taxi’s at the end of the platform and he told me to hurry, “Beta yahan dus baje ke baad kuch nahi milta!”

Thankfully I found a group of ladies and rode to Jaigaon with them.

When I got to the Hotel and checked in, I sat thinking ‘I wasn’t worried about my safety in a neighboring country even before I got there. But I was worried while I was in India till I got to the hotel! I couldn’t trust my motherland's streets and people. In all my travels thus far, I haven’t faced any safety related issue. I have travelled by local trains, shared taxi’s and hitched rides. Nobody was nasty to me. It brings me to a conclusion again: that Indian men are not rapists. Women, please trust them. They are here to help! Seriously! I know that the faith won’t build overnight. So put it to test and you will know. I am against taking un-needed risks, so I don’t venture out at nights neither do I wear skimpy clothes. All said and done, India has a particular mindset and a culture, respect that and it will respect you back. When travelling solo, it is no time to challenge norms.

24^th March

Entering Bhutan

The Indo-Bhutan gate was right across the hotel at a walking distance. Bhutan Standard Time is half an hour ahead of IST. The Immigration office is a 2 minute walk from the Gates and opens at 9 am BST. The earlier you go to the office the better it is. (*5)

In my full josh, I crossed over the border/gates by foot only to be stopped by a police man and was sent back to India! You can enter through the gate only if you are in a car. Otherwise you have to walk through a smaller gate at the sides. I did that, and was back in full josh walking towards Immigration office when I heard the same police man whistling and running towards me. I was confused! Now what?

“Madam, Indian?” He asked.

“Yes yes.”

“Thought so. Do you see those lines on the road?” He pointed at the zebra lines.

“They are called zebra lines sir.” I answered dutifully.

“Oh! So you know. So you walk on them if you want to cross the road. Understand? Why are you running across where there are no zebra lines? Welcome to Bhutan! Follow traffic rules! Walk on zebra lines…Understand?”

Lesson No.1 : Walk on zebra lines.

9.15 am ( BST): Immigration Office: 1^st Floor

If you have an E-Permit , you need to go to the Embassy office and not the Immigration office. They are close by. At the Immigration office, there were Indians everywhere screaming and calling out to each other. I couldn’t see where the queues began and where they ended.

When I showed my E-permit, the officials asked for my travel agent. “Why isn’t your travel agent accompanying you?” I am used to dealing with Indian authorities, so I smile and use my wit to get things done my way. But it doesn’t work in Bhutan. “Madam, you will have to apply for the regular permit then. We will cancel your E-permit!”

I had to go back to the Immigration. But fortunately, I met another Goan there. He spoke to the authorities and asked whether they can help me since there is some miscommunication with the travel agent. They sent my application to one Madam Kama. She interviewed me briefly and consented to the application. I was asked to go to the Visa/Embassy office again. A short interview and a stamp on my passport later, I was done!

The ride from Phunshoeling to Thimphu was smooth ( in other words 'uneventful' in comparison to the rest of my vacation), filled with pretty scenery and peace. Isn’t that what we come to Bhutan for?

By the time I got to Thimphu it was 7.30 pm. I found a hotel (*6), right across the Town square and crashed for the night.

25^th March

Thimphu: 10 am : Ambient Café

Ambient café is this warm, comfortable café on the first floor from the main street across the clock square. There is nothing like having a good breakfast and I was starving as I had skipped my dinner the previous night. I took a corner seat to sip a cup of hot chocolate. I realised there were 2 young Indians at the table next to me, they were speaking in Hindi and planning their trip to Paro. 

Bhutan or any other place is expensive if you want to do it absolutely solo, and I was on a budget trip. I knew I had to make friends. Actually I had met a group of Gujju mid aged ladies in my hotel and they had offered me to join them if I liked. They had also inquired why I wasn't still married! I was absolutely clear that I was not going to blow up my vacation with boring company. I would rather do the whole trip alone!

What I loved about Bhutan is that everyone loves cats! A lady walked into Ambient Cafe with her injured cat who she had taken to the vet. She placed her on the table, someone at the cafe gave her some cat food, and this monk inquired ," How you feelin' kitty?"  

I looked at the boys and smiled, “Hi! Are you guys planning to go to Paro?”

 “Yes..actually we want to do the Druk Path trek from Thimphu to Paro. You want to join?”

The guys seem to be friendly.

“ I would love to. But I want to do some sight seeing in Thimphu first.” I tell them.

“ Yes , we are doing Thimphu sight seeing today, We have another friend with us, he is gone to get a taxi.”

“So can I join? ”I ask.

Ruben looks at Ishaan for a while, “Sure! Why not? I am Ruben by the way, and this is my friend Ishaan!”.

I was proud of scoring the company of two handsome men. Finally my solo trip was looking promising! Ruben has this big open smile, you know it the moment you meet him that the guy is chilled out. Ishaan comes across as this classy, sophisticated , uptown guy and I was not sure how to approach his highness!

We finished our coffees and breakfasts, Ruben got a call from his friend and we set out on our Thimphu Sight seeing tour.

The taxi was parked at the corner of the road and just when I was about to open the door, a man stopped me with his deep voice, “This taxi is taken.”

I was puzzled and looked back at Ruben.

“Arre yeh hamare saath ayengi!”, Ruben told his friend.

“I thought this was a boy’s trip! Where’s the bro code fellas?”, The stranger didn’t look very pleased. He was tall, with curly hair and strong arms.

“And you are?” I dared to ask for his name.

“He doesn’t have a name!”, Ishaan finally spoke. He is cute, this Ishaan.

“What’s your name?” The stranger asked me.

“Janaki”.

“Well then ,I am maryada Purushottam Ram! You can call me MRP – short form!”

I looked at Ruben, he gave me this big smile which said, “Take it or leave it, your choice.” Ishaan was busy with his mobile. I thought for a second and got inside the taxi.

The first place we visited  was the Buddha Point. When I got a bit comfortable with the boys, I told MRP," Maryada Purushottam Ram is MPR not MRP."

He looked at me for a while, smiled and said,"Don't act too smart with me! Understand?"

In the next episode: Thimphu Night life and Paro!

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* 1: Bagdogara Airport   opens doors to many wonderful Himalayan beauties. It is approximately 5 hours drive to Jaigaon ( The Border town). 

Airport to Siliguri Railway Station- is a 30 mins drive.They charge approx Rs.150/- per head for this trip on sharing basis

 There is a 4.45 pm local Train from Siliguri which is scheduled to arrive at Hasimara ( 30 mins drive to Jaigaon)- Rs. 60/- ( The train journey is enjoyable. Every five minutes the view changes from tea estates to forests to grasslands to dried rivers to mountains. I spotted a herd of elephants and peacocks, everyone in the train was glued to their windows.)

 Hasimara is again 30 mins drive to Jaigaon. (Rs.40/- per head ,shared Taxi)

*2 : A list of all important contacts, taxi drivers, hotels and their rate card will be shared on my last post. But sorry, Dr. Amit’s number will not be shared! ;-)

*3 : Blissful Himalayan Tours & treks: Anup Jaishi: anup.jaishi@gmail.com ;Mob: +975 77319956

http://www.tourism.gov.bt/directory/tour-operator/blissful-himalayan-tours-and-treks

*3: Hotel Satyam : +91 8116233392; hotelsatyamjaigaon@gmail.com : The hotel is 2 minutes walk from the border gates. A single room costs approx rs.750/-. The staff is very helpful and trustworthy. Food is good. The place is clean. 

*4 : Haa Valley –Bhutan: haavalleyhomestay@gmail.com. Also check: http://www.tourism.gov.bt/plan/home-stay

*5 : The Immigration office is open from 9 am till 5pm, Monday to Friday. If you reach the Immigration at 4.30 pm on a Friday, you may get stuck in the queue and may not be able to cross over. So get to the office early.

In case you are stuck and can’t get through to Bhutan. You will have to pass your time in Phunshoeling. Indians are allowed to roam around in Bhutan till 15 kms from the border, then the check posts start.

*6 : Hotel Gazel: (00975)-2324002; 17248826 ghaselhotel@gmail.com. FB:ghaselhotel

Please note: This is a Vacation story, not just a travel blog. For me, there is no traveling if there are no stories.