Be less: What being less taught me.

 As soon as I was exposed to school and television, there was a bombardment of "Being More" on and around me. What I was , wasn't enough. In fact I was insufficient in terms of every aspect of my life. Right from the way I looked, to how I thought. My family was less than perfect, my parents weren't celebrities, my school wasn't branded, nor were my clothes , the list was so long I didn't even know where to start.

And so started my journey in making up for all those missing ingredients which the world was telling me were necessities to lead a good life, to be happy and to feel respected.

After spending over two decades in that chase and still feeling empty inside, I stopped. I didn't stop on my own actually, my circumstances had gone so out of hand in this chase that the whole system collapsed and it came down to raw survival!

Three years back , I faced death. 

Not once, not twice, but thrice in a short span of three months. 

The first time it happened, I was gasping for breath! I was pulling air so hard, but there was no oxygen.

In that moment I realised the only thing truly needed to survive is just my breath! Everything else is a lie. 

The second time it happened, what saved me was my wit! (How to react and what to say or what not to say in front of your attacker)

I realised, in order to live and survive I need a fully functional brain. 

And the third time my knowledge of law saved me. 

Basically, it wasn't the clothes or the brands, or how I looked and behaved or any of the other superficial things I thought I needed to survive . Well! If these things have mattered then they have mattered in terms of putting me into trouble. (It makes more sense to dress like the ordinary people and not be noticed especially when you are traveling alone.)

So, I changed my lifestyle completely 3 years ago. The experiment was to see and experience for myself what life is without all these things people keep saying are so important. So I left my corporate job ( that was the best decision of my life. Corporate life is the biggest virus of human existence!)

Next, I changed my dresscode. I chose natural fabric over synthetic. Chose those clothes that blend in with others rather than stand out. Also chose comfortable breathable clothing over fashion trends that seem to put pressure on my waistline and weight. 

The whole point was to not do anything by which I seem to scream "NOTICE ME NOTICE ME!" 

Without realising, I had started being independent,secure and confident by not chasing trends, by not caring what people think, by not being more ambitious, more beautiful, more perfect, more educated, more likeable, more respectable, more of everything! 

By being less of what people wanted me to be, I was able to be myself.

Today, I don't feel the pressure of the world. Yes it does get to me when some people 'comment' and are sarcastic. But then I realise that these people are miserable themselves , their self talk is crass . Someone who treats himself that low, how can he ever treat anyone else better? So I feel pity for the comments and snares and move on happily.

Finally, I can put my hand on my heart and say that I am happy. 

There is no more chasing the carrot.

I accept myself for who I am. I accept my body for what it is, I accept and acknowledge that I get stressed when I have to do things that don't go well with my standards of morality and ethics. I have learnt to let go of 'opportunities' that looked 'lucrative', I don't regret it. 

I know myself better now that the unnecessary 'noises' in my head have been silenced. 

I also keep away from people who are highly carried away in consumerism. Just to maintain my sanity. Most of these folks are so messed up (like I was), I have tried giving them a few suggestions but it is said that a man only understands from his level of perception. 

Consumerism blinds you. It makes you stupid and ignorant.

That doesn't mean I live on a farm. I consume what I need, I am watchful about my wastage and I try my level best to recycle, upcycle what I have. 

Being less has brought me closer to myself, to my core. Now every new day is a day to fall in love with myself all over again. It is an opportunity to discover the goodness of my soul, the innocence of my heart and to appreciate the divinity in me. 

Try it yourself at least once in your lifetime. 

The struggle to write continues!

 10 years ago when I started blogging, I did not know what writing meant to me. 

That was good. It helped me to explore writing and explore a part of me with every post I dared to publish.

I had a wonderful time blogging about anything that floated in my mind. Stories, thoughts, jokes. There were no expectations from others or from myself.

But after about 3 years of blogging and over 15 stories, I suddenly felt I wanted to be a published writer. 

I don't know why I wasn't happy with publishing on the blog and with the little audience I had developed over time and why I wanted more. 

A friend who I didn't like much told me I was wasting my time on the blog as I wasn't earning anything through it. These are the geniuses who should be shot dead! It's because of characters like these that creative people suffer! 

As it is, publishing what you write isn't an easy task. It keeps getting difficult with age and the gap between your last published material and the current one. The last thing we writers need is an idiot giving us the wrong advice at a time when we are vulnerable.

And I don't know any writer or creative fellow who isn't vulnerable when it comes to his creativity!

We all are!

Anyway, it's not her I should blame but myself. 

I stopped blogging after she told me that. 

Someone else told me I should seriously start publishing my stories as in write a book. The point I missed in that advice was to keep writing regularly so that some day I would have enough material to publish.

The conclusion of all that advice was that I stopped writing completely. I wanted to earn money for every word I wrote and I wouldn't write for free.

Anyway, as the cliche goes, let bygones be bygones.

It's been 3 years since I took a break from work to write my first book.

I haven't got too far with it.

I used every easy strategy writers are known to use to be writers! Alcohol, tobacco, drugs, sex and heart break! Nothing worked.

It's only now that I have started using the real strategies. 

Discipline- focus- dedication.

A deep urge to improve the craft, read more, write more and publish more, no matter what the publishing tool. 

Today, I don't know whether I want to publish a book. 

All I do know is , I still love to write.

And that's good enough to get started.