There are some people I like just by looking at them, some I like when I talk to them and some I like just by being around them. There’s a comfort zone around such people, they let me be me, and they help me be me!
And then there are others……. I just don’t know why I get aggravated the moment I see them! The moment they talk to me, I get irritated! My heart wants to fight and insult them!
It’s all about the vibes different people give out. Positive attitude and a pleasing personality will always be accepted by everyone. Where as , a fake attitude, “I know it all” look will always repel others!
Recently I met up with some old friends from college! It had been a long time since we had met; there were so many misunderstanding by the end of the course that hardly anybody kept in contact with anyone. But I took a positive step by trying to resolve the old issues and giving it another shot, after all there were so many good experiences we had shared as classmates.
The meeting went very well and I realized by the end of it that not everyone is bad; it’s that one rotten apple that spoils the whole barrel!
A few minutes later, I met another of my college mate, he invited me for a coffee and I agreed.
Now here was the rotten apple!
I’d always kept safe distance from him for reasons unknown to me. He showed me he was caring and sweet but there was that fakeness in his smile, a double meaning to every question he asked. Some under-the –breath comments on my husband and my married life etc.
This time however I didn’t react to the vibes he was sending out, and all the negative energy that oozed out from him! On the other hand, I observed him, trying to find out what really is making this man send out all the negativity!
I came to the conclusion after watching him and people like him that these souls are actually frustrated with their own lives! Either that they crave for a girlfriend/ boyfriend (that’s the reason they laugh and comment on other’s private lives) or are frustrated with their career moves (the reason they question and show doubt towards other’s talent and skill). They love to laugh at other’s failures but fail to see the hard work behind that attempt that failed! They never give credit to anybody’s job well done, because it hurts them to acknowledge that fact.
So this time instead of arguing and getting angry with him, I felt sorry for him! I felt extremely sorry. For all this time after I passed out, I’ve been surrounded by only positive energy, it has given me the strength to stand by me and look at life positively. When I was in college, surrounded by these frustrated souls, their vibes were contagious- there was a time I was completely taken in by their attitude!
Lessons I learnt from my experiences:
1. Avoid the company of people with negative vibes. Even if the person is your best friend, get rid of the friendship before the negativity sucks you in!
2. There’s no point in arguing, explaining or justifying any of your actions to such people- it’s worthless!
3. Protect your loved one’s from such people’s backlash! I remember I’d taken my sis at a birthday party of my friend when a rotten apple lashed out at her without any reason. She was hurt and didn’t know what she had done to deserve that kind of treatment! The best thing at that moment was to leave the party and the people, but unfortunately we stayed on- we didn’t want to disturb the atmosphere!(a mistake)!
4. Put your foot down. It’s never too late. Stop : the conversation, the company and the relationship immediately!
I’ve strictly adhered to these conclusions and snapped out ties with immediate effect. The moment I know it’s a rotten apple; I throw it out of my life.
It requires a lot of courage as people around keep questioning such sudden behavior. But what is required is required! I’ve seen friendships dragged beyond the point of tolerance, just because the victim party doesn’t have the guts to stand up and say a firm “No”! What starts off by affecting only you goes on spreading- affecting your entire family.
Showing posts with label memories of a bad experience. Show all posts
Showing posts with label memories of a bad experience. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Sunday, April 12, 2009
The Crocodile Rider
1st day of a camp for school kids that me and my friend Sim had organized. We both- young girls- were very new in this field. This was just my 3rd camp and sim’s 2nd as an organizer.
We had approached a “well known” nature related organization to take control of all the activities. This is an international organization- with funds pouring in from around the world! Still they charged us a hefty Rs. 100 per head for giving their services. We had 60 students- and both of us were damn tensed as to how we would manage so many kids. But the director had said he had once handled a crowd 3 times bigger than this, so I was at ease.
We reach the camp site with the students and I see the director standing at the dormitory with 2 more volunteers. I calculated- its going to be 5 against 60 students! Hope his men are experienced!
The director stood in front of my students and opened his mouth, “ helllllo shtudents!”
I thought I heard wrong.
“Me and you come here for this beautiful foresht. The next 3 days I take you in and out and up and down in this jungle and take you round and round till you know this place like the back of your hand!”
Sim looked at me with an exclamation on her head! Well! I was as confused as her. I had spoken just once with this guy before coming for the camp and the rest of the times I had corresponded via e-mails. The 1 time I had spoken to him he seemed extremely fluent in English and his e mails also were no indication to what we were in for.
“He is probably trying to make the students laugh!” I try to relax Sim with a pat on her back!
“ I don’t find this remotely funny!” she says with a stern look. “Are you sure….”
I stop her before she bombards her questions on me, because I don’t have any answers.
“Late me tell you firsht about the so many experiences I have got over the past 28 years in this profession!”
1 of the guy, a student standing at the back of the line, close to us whispers in his friend’s ear- “ I bet he’s hardly 30! Saala, hamko shendi lagata hai!”
Now, Sim has started twisting and crunching her shendi- an indication that she’s losing her patience! And I want to somehow go and shut his mouth!
“Once around 3 years back I get call on my this cell” – he shows his brand new Nokia cell! [The boy in the last row- “this model was not there 3 years back!”]
( Does this cost Rs. 6000/- ? my money that I paid him for his services? No! It looks costlier- this guy has to be a fraud! )
“Sir sir help help! That man says. There is a crocodile in my farm. It is hiding in the tank- please take it out- please!” the director says proudly- my students are listening intently now- and so are me and Sim!
“I say, it is 3 am in the morning, let it be there – we will take it out in the morning. But he says no sir- you are my last hope. The forest people are not even picking up the phone. You are the only man in this world I know who can do this Herculean task! So I get up , take 2 of my volunteers and go to the farm. The crocodile was big! it was 6 ft long. There was water in the tank and we couldn’t see it fully. So me and my 2 volunteers surround tank in 3 sides , slowly slowly without moving the water we got into the tank. I think the crocodile was sleeping at that time!”
( I want to cry- I want to die! Who the hell are we stuck here with? And my money? Oh my god? What will the parents say? They will say I ate their money!)
Director continues…….. “So you imagine we are in waist level water and no crocodile to be seen. Suddenly I realize something is moving between my 2 legs….”
“it’s your cock, you fool!” - boy in the last row.
It’s a good joke, but I and Sim look at each other unable to react- we are numb!
Director is totally involved in his story now…. “ and I know it is that croc!”
The big boys standing behind giggle- its d words- cock n croc which create d confusion.
He is now showing the action packed drama with movements - “Taking the right opportunity I sat on the back of the croc( he shows as if he’s sitting on a pulsar) - I caught its neck tightly and it tried to move around the tank but my hold is like that- strong- once I catch something I don’t let go off it that easily. That is how I did my job- just 10 minutes it took to catch a croc; it’s a joke for me now- what? Big big people also get scared- I don’t!”
He continues with his other stories, the boys at the back are bombarding with comments- enjoying themselves with jokes. I and Sim move back, and find a peaceful place in the woods where we cannot see and hear him.
After what seemed like a long silence, Sim somewhat recovered from the shock- “I watch crocodile hunters almost every day, I didn’t see even Steve Irwin do these stunts. You need minimum 3 to 4 people when you want to catch a croc, isnt it ?”
“Don’t ask me, please…..”
“ I can actually picture the whole thing- him, this kadi pehelwan on a 6 ft male adult croc, catching its neck and the croc taking him on a ride! It reminds me of that monkey and croc story- those 2 friends on the banks of the river…..”
“ Sim please! I know that story alright! Now tell me what to do?”
“Fire him!”
“What?”
“Well! I don’t know anything about him except that he is a good entertainer! Don’t you see? The kids love his stories!”
But I decided against it. I gave him a 2nd chance and a 3rd and a 4th. And Sim was wrong- the man wasn’t even a good entertainer. He was just a waste of our time and money. We fired him- and rescheduled the entire camp. The whole situation made me so sad, I cried! I like at least some degree of professionalism when dealing with kids and money. Or in any other business dealings actually. This situation turned into a mental block- a sort of a jinx on me, I decided I didn’t want to organize any camps anymore. The kids and their parents were furious on us of course, and the sad part was we both had started out with innocent intentions. We didn’t take any money- but lost a lot of money and confidence in the bargain!
Today, I just returned from another camp that I organized for a trust. My father took the whole responsibility and placed the kids under my guidance. The jinx was broken within hours of the camp. I am happy I could get over the mental block within just 1 year. Mistakes, bad experiences keep happening- the important part is bouncing back! Getting up after you fall. It takes time of course, but with a little bit of help from our loved ones-
Ain't no mountain high enough!Ain't no valley low.......Ain't no river wide enough!
To keep me from getting to you!
We had approached a “well known” nature related organization to take control of all the activities. This is an international organization- with funds pouring in from around the world! Still they charged us a hefty Rs. 100 per head for giving their services. We had 60 students- and both of us were damn tensed as to how we would manage so many kids. But the director had said he had once handled a crowd 3 times bigger than this, so I was at ease.
We reach the camp site with the students and I see the director standing at the dormitory with 2 more volunteers. I calculated- its going to be 5 against 60 students! Hope his men are experienced!
The director stood in front of my students and opened his mouth, “ helllllo shtudents!”
I thought I heard wrong.
“Me and you come here for this beautiful foresht. The next 3 days I take you in and out and up and down in this jungle and take you round and round till you know this place like the back of your hand!”
Sim looked at me with an exclamation on her head! Well! I was as confused as her. I had spoken just once with this guy before coming for the camp and the rest of the times I had corresponded via e-mails. The 1 time I had spoken to him he seemed extremely fluent in English and his e mails also were no indication to what we were in for.
“He is probably trying to make the students laugh!” I try to relax Sim with a pat on her back!
“ I don’t find this remotely funny!” she says with a stern look. “Are you sure….”
I stop her before she bombards her questions on me, because I don’t have any answers.
“Late me tell you firsht about the so many experiences I have got over the past 28 years in this profession!”
1 of the guy, a student standing at the back of the line, close to us whispers in his friend’s ear- “ I bet he’s hardly 30! Saala, hamko shendi lagata hai!”
Now, Sim has started twisting and crunching her shendi- an indication that she’s losing her patience! And I want to somehow go and shut his mouth!
“Once around 3 years back I get call on my this cell” – he shows his brand new Nokia cell! [The boy in the last row- “this model was not there 3 years back!”]
( Does this cost Rs. 6000/- ? my money that I paid him for his services? No! It looks costlier- this guy has to be a fraud! )
“Sir sir help help! That man says. There is a crocodile in my farm. It is hiding in the tank- please take it out- please!” the director says proudly- my students are listening intently now- and so are me and Sim!
“I say, it is 3 am in the morning, let it be there – we will take it out in the morning. But he says no sir- you are my last hope. The forest people are not even picking up the phone. You are the only man in this world I know who can do this Herculean task! So I get up , take 2 of my volunteers and go to the farm. The crocodile was big! it was 6 ft long. There was water in the tank and we couldn’t see it fully. So me and my 2 volunteers surround tank in 3 sides , slowly slowly without moving the water we got into the tank. I think the crocodile was sleeping at that time!”
( I want to cry- I want to die! Who the hell are we stuck here with? And my money? Oh my god? What will the parents say? They will say I ate their money!)
Director continues…….. “So you imagine we are in waist level water and no crocodile to be seen. Suddenly I realize something is moving between my 2 legs….”
“it’s your cock, you fool!” - boy in the last row.
It’s a good joke, but I and Sim look at each other unable to react- we are numb!
Director is totally involved in his story now…. “ and I know it is that croc!”
The big boys standing behind giggle- its d words- cock n croc which create d confusion.
He is now showing the action packed drama with movements - “Taking the right opportunity I sat on the back of the croc( he shows as if he’s sitting on a pulsar) - I caught its neck tightly and it tried to move around the tank but my hold is like that- strong- once I catch something I don’t let go off it that easily. That is how I did my job- just 10 minutes it took to catch a croc; it’s a joke for me now- what? Big big people also get scared- I don’t!”
He continues with his other stories, the boys at the back are bombarding with comments- enjoying themselves with jokes. I and Sim move back, and find a peaceful place in the woods where we cannot see and hear him.
After what seemed like a long silence, Sim somewhat recovered from the shock- “I watch crocodile hunters almost every day, I didn’t see even Steve Irwin do these stunts. You need minimum 3 to 4 people when you want to catch a croc, isnt it ?”
“Don’t ask me, please…..”
“ I can actually picture the whole thing- him, this kadi pehelwan on a 6 ft male adult croc, catching its neck and the croc taking him on a ride! It reminds me of that monkey and croc story- those 2 friends on the banks of the river…..”
“ Sim please! I know that story alright! Now tell me what to do?”
“Fire him!”
“What?”
“Well! I don’t know anything about him except that he is a good entertainer! Don’t you see? The kids love his stories!”
But I decided against it. I gave him a 2nd chance and a 3rd and a 4th. And Sim was wrong- the man wasn’t even a good entertainer. He was just a waste of our time and money. We fired him- and rescheduled the entire camp. The whole situation made me so sad, I cried! I like at least some degree of professionalism when dealing with kids and money. Or in any other business dealings actually. This situation turned into a mental block- a sort of a jinx on me, I decided I didn’t want to organize any camps anymore. The kids and their parents were furious on us of course, and the sad part was we both had started out with innocent intentions. We didn’t take any money- but lost a lot of money and confidence in the bargain!
Today, I just returned from another camp that I organized for a trust. My father took the whole responsibility and placed the kids under my guidance. The jinx was broken within hours of the camp. I am happy I could get over the mental block within just 1 year. Mistakes, bad experiences keep happening- the important part is bouncing back! Getting up after you fall. It takes time of course, but with a little bit of help from our loved ones-
Ain't no mountain high enough!Ain't no valley low.......Ain't no river wide enough!
To keep me from getting to you!
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Yaadein
I don’t remember dates, I don’t remember names and sometimes I even forget faces! What do remain with me are situations and experiences which touched my heart! My emotional memory is so strong; I remember the slightest of things that happened to me when I was just 3 years old!
I think, that is why I am the way I am! I never repeat mistakes! Though I keep making new ones! I find it very hard to forgive, because forgetting it is so difficult in the 1st place! How can I forgive without forgetting?
When I was 3 years old, I remember my parents and my entire family had gone to Dudhsagar waterfall! It was a rainy day, and my mother was holding me! There were a few tourists there, and they were most probably north Indians cause they spoke in hindi. They befriended my family and for the rest of the day we all hanged out together. I remember this particular incident cause one of them asked my mom to hand me over to him, and she did! The moment I went into his arms, I knew something was wrong with this man…he wasn’t right! I wanted to go back to my mom and started swinging myself towards her! I could feel his hand go inside my dress, when things really crossed the line I started crying and my mother took me away! That was my 1st experience with abuse- sexual abuse at the age of 3! That is the reason, even when my aunts with their young one’s would hand them over to strangers I would get extremely scared and keep a 100% watch on the stranger! When I was comfortable enough to talk about it, sometime at the age of 15, I would directly say it, “ its not good to hand over your children to strangers!”
Many woman might find my behavior to be too particular or fussy! But because a child doesn’t know how to ask for help, you have to be there the whole time to protect her/him! So my advice to everyone- please, never trust a stranger with your children, especially when traveling- do not leave them unattended!
When I was 12, that was the 1st time I was traveling by bus! I was wearing a short dress and my mother couldn’t come to pick me up and so I had to take a bus home! A man, in his mid 30’s got into d same bus as me. There were 3 more women around and I was sitting with 1. This man started touching me at uncomfortable places, I told the woman sitting besides me and she simply turned her face the other side as if nothing had happened. My heart was beating so fast, I felt someone had glued me to my seat! For total 10 minutes I was numb! And he touched again…….I don’t know what triggered a reaction in my brain? I was carrying a big umbrella- it was august- still raining! And hit it where it hurts men the most. And I didn’t stop with one blow, I kept hitting repeatedly- I wanted to kill him! The man fell down, due to slippery floor and the woman sitting next to me came to stop me- “ haath laynaka na jalyar tujeruy don ditle!” “Don’t you touch me or I’ll hit you!” The woman backed out, but the man ran away! I still remember him. I am sure he was a pedophile! When I was 15, I saw him around the bus stop again- I wanted to drag him to the police station.
I stay very close to the bus stand and pass by it almost every day- and I am on a look out for him…..the day I see him, now that I know I can take an action- I swear I wont let him stand there! A maniac is out there, and our innocent children can be victimized!
The very next day, I joined karate- karate gave me the confidence to hit, and scream out loud, and say a loud “ NO” when it is required!
Now, I know I am not a karate kid and I am not that strong too, what is required is a fearless mind and the confidence- no matter who you are up against- fight you must, if you have to!
The fear within me is gone….but the painful memories still fresh and they always will be!
I think, that is why I am the way I am! I never repeat mistakes! Though I keep making new ones! I find it very hard to forgive, because forgetting it is so difficult in the 1st place! How can I forgive without forgetting?
When I was 3 years old, I remember my parents and my entire family had gone to Dudhsagar waterfall! It was a rainy day, and my mother was holding me! There were a few tourists there, and they were most probably north Indians cause they spoke in hindi. They befriended my family and for the rest of the day we all hanged out together. I remember this particular incident cause one of them asked my mom to hand me over to him, and she did! The moment I went into his arms, I knew something was wrong with this man…he wasn’t right! I wanted to go back to my mom and started swinging myself towards her! I could feel his hand go inside my dress, when things really crossed the line I started crying and my mother took me away! That was my 1st experience with abuse- sexual abuse at the age of 3! That is the reason, even when my aunts with their young one’s would hand them over to strangers I would get extremely scared and keep a 100% watch on the stranger! When I was comfortable enough to talk about it, sometime at the age of 15, I would directly say it, “ its not good to hand over your children to strangers!”
Many woman might find my behavior to be too particular or fussy! But because a child doesn’t know how to ask for help, you have to be there the whole time to protect her/him! So my advice to everyone- please, never trust a stranger with your children, especially when traveling- do not leave them unattended!
When I was 12, that was the 1st time I was traveling by bus! I was wearing a short dress and my mother couldn’t come to pick me up and so I had to take a bus home! A man, in his mid 30’s got into d same bus as me. There were 3 more women around and I was sitting with 1. This man started touching me at uncomfortable places, I told the woman sitting besides me and she simply turned her face the other side as if nothing had happened. My heart was beating so fast, I felt someone had glued me to my seat! For total 10 minutes I was numb! And he touched again…….I don’t know what triggered a reaction in my brain? I was carrying a big umbrella- it was august- still raining! And hit it where it hurts men the most. And I didn’t stop with one blow, I kept hitting repeatedly- I wanted to kill him! The man fell down, due to slippery floor and the woman sitting next to me came to stop me- “ haath laynaka na jalyar tujeruy don ditle!” “Don’t you touch me or I’ll hit you!” The woman backed out, but the man ran away! I still remember him. I am sure he was a pedophile! When I was 15, I saw him around the bus stop again- I wanted to drag him to the police station.
I stay very close to the bus stand and pass by it almost every day- and I am on a look out for him…..the day I see him, now that I know I can take an action- I swear I wont let him stand there! A maniac is out there, and our innocent children can be victimized!
The very next day, I joined karate- karate gave me the confidence to hit, and scream out loud, and say a loud “ NO” when it is required!
Now, I know I am not a karate kid and I am not that strong too, what is required is a fearless mind and the confidence- no matter who you are up against- fight you must, if you have to!
The fear within me is gone….but the painful memories still fresh and they always will be!
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