For the woman in me!

I wish at times that I wasn't so interested in various things of life...that all I wanted to do was what others did,
I wished I did not think so much,
I wished I wasn't stressing myself out and expecting too much out of myself!
I wished I wasn't as inquisitive,

I wished I wasn't as daring to take on a challenge,

I wished there was only 1 thing I wanted to do, and 1 thing that I would excel in,
I wished I wasn't logical, so that I wouldn't question every tradition!
I wished I wasn't radical, so I wouldn't hurt everyone!
I wished I could love without expecting anything at all in return,
I wished I could be the woman with all of goodness,who bears all pain but never complaints!
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If I was all I wished I wasn't, I wouldn't be me!

If I was interested in pleasing people, I would rather choose death to a life of slavery!

If doing as much as the ability and capacity as god has bestowed me with, means 'breaking tradition'....than be it!


I will question!
I will argue!

I will hit back if someone hurts me,
I will fight every obstacle standing before me,

The first few are empty words, I never would wish I was!
The truth is....
It's the biggest curse to be not interested in the various things life offers!
It's a shame, if I don't think and don't question!
I would consider myself a coward, if I wasn't daring!
If there was only 1 thing I was good at, I would be boring!
If I wasn't logical, that would mean I'm foolish!
If I would love without expecting anything , that would mean I've very low expectations out of myself!
And finally, I would never ever wish to be a woman with all the "Goodness"....
The so called "Goodness" only to serve others, and not one's self-interests,
The so called "Goodness" which makes me feeble and weak,

The so called "Goodness" that causes me pain and suffering!

To hell with the worldly notion of Goodness!

I will make my own rules!
And I will break them if they are of no use.
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This post goes out to all the lovely women in my life, and to myself!
It isn't a cake walk to grow up to be a woman!
The society watches every step and attacks at our slightest mistake!
People comment on our body and laugh at our sizes,
People have notions about our beauty and anything that doesn't fit their definitions is tagged as ugly!
People make a whole lot of bullshit rules for us to follow,
People want to own us, want to tame us!
Because when a woman is free spirited, she has the greatest strength in the world,
And she can achieve anything!

The Day My God Died...

 "Who do you want to be when you grow up?"

Asked my teacher, Miss Anita in the class that day.
Everybody raised their hands.

Deepika said she wants to be a teacher.
Roshni wants to be a tailor.
Josna wants to be a housewife like her mother.

And then it was my turn.
" I want to fly a plane!"
Anita teacher looked at me for a long time.
"Who told you you can fly a plane?"

I did not know someone had to tell me who I should be...so I looked at the other girls starring at me now and some of them were giggling under their breaths.

"I see a plane flying every day. Mum tells me someone makes it fly and they are sitting in there.....I want to fly it some day!"

Anita teacher now smiled. " You will.....but you have to work very hard for it...study a lot........only then you can fly it!"

I nodded in excitement! All I heard her say was..." You will!"

I dreamt about it the whole time in school and I was still dreaming when I was on that bus to take me home. There was a landslide and the road was blocked. Our bus was stranded. Since the entire area is hilly, these things are quite common. I was very thirsty then and saw two ladies with a bottle of water. They saw me looking at them and offered me the water.

I drank it.
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Dreams.......they are made up of so much  unreality, made up of so many lies....
Dreams they say do come true if you really try hard.....
Dreams....I was riding on...
The highest dreams I had amongst them all.....
Then why.....??
Why me lord??
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I woke up in a dark room that had one window, but that too was closed.
The room was dirty and unkept and gave a foul smell.
For a while I felt disoriented...I could not distinguish between my reality or whether I was still dreaming.....Is it this dark inside the plane? I wondered!

I crawled to the door and knocked on it.
After 5 minutes a dark woman opened the door. I had never seen her before.
She helped me stand, and she inspected me.

"How old are you?"
"10"
"Okay."

She held my hand and brought me outside the room. It was almost a drag. But I was confused, why was this woman being so harsh on me?

She opened another door. There was a bed in that room.
"Are you hungry?" She asked.
"Yes."
"Then do what he asks you to do. Only then you will get food. Understand?"

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That was just the first amongst many of the warnings I got  there......and within a day the warnings were followed by beatings and kicking, and if that was not enough burning cigarettes were put on my skin to burn me slowly!


I wouldn't do what the uncle's asked me to do....
I wouldn't do what the old aunties asked me to do...
I wouldn't budge.....
I did not know what part of the world I was in,
I did not understand the language they spoke in.

My "No" had no meaning to them,
My "Dreams" were starting to lose their meaning to me,
The stripping, the rapes, My screams, My pain,
All lost its meaning day by day,

If there is god, as my mum said, I want to ask him," What was my fault?"
If there is god, I want to know, why he can't hear my prayers and my calls?
I want to know why my feathers were chopped off so harshly even before I could fly?
I want to know why should I only have to cry?

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"The Day My God Died!" is a documentary I found on youtube while reading about girl trafficking. The stories of the young girls, in this case Nepalese girls trafficked to Mumbai are horrifying , terrifying!

I know that most of us watch or read about such stories by completely disconnecting "Our" lives from "theirs"!

Because we've had secure childhood,
Because we have our parents always protecting us,
Because we have the money and the education,
Because we belong to a particular family,caste .......

We think we are superior, untouched by the filth that surrounds us.

"Oh those Prostitutes.....they are the black sheep of the female species!",
" Those women are so cheap!"....

Most of us have seen at least 1 standing at a road side, or walking on a road at midnight in some part of the city,sometime.

"They do it because they enjoy it!" .....

Is it really?

Please watch the video and decide for yourself where our human civilization is heading and what are we doing about it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BV5W6F4L5i8&feature=relatedhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BV5W6F4L5i8&feature=related

On This Woman's Day

I realise, it is not only about expecting the male species to respect the woman kind and treat them well.................It is also up to each one of us- a woman, to respect what we are~!

Not to expect us to be understood and treated well by someone else outside of us, but to look within and like and understand the god's creation that we are!

Born a woman- is it a bliss or a curse?

I always knew I was a misfit...to this social structure and sensibilities!
Somehow I am bad at differentiating between people, whether on the basis of caste and religion or even on genders!

" You are a girl, you've to take care of yourself!".... everyone told me, but I could never get the meaning right!

I am a girl... is this a boon or a curse?

All sorts of rules and limitations enter your life the moment you are born a girl!

I think a lot of times, that I should have been born a boy - for I love nights and hanging around at nights- I am a nocturnal!
I love adventure and moving around alone, all by myself!

But I love my body, my long soft hair, my soft hands and perfect bosom! I absolutely love everything that makes me a woman!

My discontent is not with my maker but my fellow beings who treat me differently only cause I am a female!

I look around at the nature and find all other females enjoying a much better freedom! Whether a female dog, cat or any other female - They are never treated differently by their species, they are never raped, never controlled!

Then why we, the superior race is treating our women like this?

Maybe it is safe to conclude, god created a bliss called "a woman" ,
Man turned her into a " curse"!


Painting at :http://fineartamerica.com/images-medium/abstract-woman-norman-engel.jpg

The Bad City girl

I've seen many of my friends and cousins who are born and brought up in cities but when it comes to their decision of getting married, they'll always come home to Goa and choose a girl from a not so modern Goan family!

The same applies to all religions , casts and communities. ( Finally something on which all Indians regardless of caste, religion- behave similarly!)

If the boy and his family are abroad, they'll fly down to India to search for that perfect, simple , well groomed, well educated Indian girl!

But why? Why does the city boy need a simple village girl?
And what is wrong with the city girls?

I've heard most boys/ grooms and now happily married men( who got married to a girl from their hometown) say that the city girls are bad!

" First and foremost, They've done everything!"

Everybody nod their heads!

"They dont have respect for anybody and they are chalu! They've some crazy expectations too!"

" Really? How can you generalise like that? And what do you mean by they've done everything? You are a city boy, so you must have done everything too!"

Everybody smiles, a few laughs here and there- " But that is alright!"

Ohh! If the boy does " Everything" , it is alright. so in conclusion should I say that:
A. City boys are hypocrites
B. They are MCP's.
C. They dont have the confidence to keep up with a girl's expectations, so they rather run to the pavilion then bat in the heat!

Why are conclusions always drawn about girls?

I have friends who are born and brought up In Mumbai, who are virgins ( cause for an Indian boy,the world starts and ends with 1 word- virginity!)

And I also have friends staying in the most remotest of villages of Goa, and in some other villages of Maharashtra, who are not virgins! I will go a step ahead and add that I know girls from the most respectable families who are not virgins, But you wont doubt a thing about them, because they seem to be so simple!

A city hardly provides the privacy for a young girl to have affairs, unless her parents have kept no track on her! Most respectable families in the city have strict rules for their girls. Most of the times, the girls you see swaying in the discs- drunk, around the metro's are outsiders- who are there cause they are either studying or working!

Compare to this the case of a village! Its not crowded and there are plenty of places you can have privacy and nobody will know! Many times, village parents are not very strict because they are naive. the girls are naive too, probably that is the reason they hook up at an early age!

City girls have to be chalu because they are living in an extremely fast world! They've to be sharpar and naturally grow up to learn about self protection earlier then their village counterparts.

If we take the case of television exposure, then we all know that the TV is everywhere!

I didnt start the post thinking I want people to think bad of a village girl! I myself am neither from a village nor from a city! What I want to stress is on the way people tag girls at every level!

City girl, Not married girl, working girl- divorced girl...............All these girls are always blamed for anything that might be going wrong in theirs or others lives!

And its the women who start this!
Its the mother of the boy who brought up her son to think this way!
Its always a woman gossiping and spreading rumors about another woman's daughter!
Its always the woman who love to divide and rule!