Just One Night

( Part 1)



She moved to Pune only last month from some unheard village in Kerala. She's a Keralite and proud to be one. She knows where she comes from but doesn't believe in murdering other languages just to show her faithfulness to her language. I mean she doesn't have that heavy accent that most Keralites have. That was the first thing that really got me interested in her. Secondly, she doesn't wear that "Notice Me" tag on her face wherever she goes. She's not a pretty thing, nor is she ugly. She's just "comfortable in her skin" type. She wore a cotton silk top and leggings that day at the party. Slightly out of the dress code since other girls stuck to a western outfit. Probably that is why she stood out from the crowd?

I went to make a conversation with her after we were introduced by the common friends, Rucha and Bhargav who were the hosts that night. I saw her sitting in a corner , quietly sipping her drink and probably reading her mails on her phone.

"Not enjoying the party?"

She looked up , with a bored expression. "Not my kind of crowd!"
" What is your kind of crowd...may I?", I asked her pointing at a seat next to her.
" Yes. If you are hell bent on disturbing me!"

The girl was teasing me in a way no other girl ever had. Now I'm this really cute looking guy according to most of the girls. I'm the kind of guy most girls look forward to meeting at a cocktail party, and get drunk with, and end up in bed with! I've never had a problem picking up a girl, in fact I never have to try too hard....I so wished I could, but the girls just don't let me....they give in easily, they are like "Take me, I'm all yours!" , and here's a girl who doesn't even notice me...I have to find out what's up with her.

"So what kind of crowd do you like?", I insist on making her talk, I insist on finding out if there's a game for me in her.

"The kind who doesn't laugh too much. The kind who can make a sensible conversation for slightly more than a minute. The kind who are not all about clothes and make up!"

"And you think all those people cannot make a sensible conversation with you just because they care to spend a lil more time on the right dress that really suits them?"

"Look.....Whoever, I forgot your name. I'm not interested in arguing with you. This is what I think, and that won't change. So would you mind leaving me alone to myself?"

" Looks to me like you cannot make a conversation beyond a minute...The problem is with you madam, not this lovely crowd!", I leave her to that and get up and move towards the bar to make myself a drink. When I have finished making a drink and I turn, I see her. And she's flashing a beautiful smile. "Trouble" Someone inside my head tells me. I smile back courteously.

"So.... .Rahul... right?"
"Oh! You remember my name. You are prone to temporary memory loss I suppose?", I intentionally comment.
"Yes...You can say that. That's one of my procedural requirements to test a man."
"Procedural requirement? Wait...you a lawyer?"

"Yeah....Shruthi!" She extends her hand.

We shake hands for quite some time while I check her out closely. She doesn't shy away, looks straight in my eyes.

"And this is your procedural stuff I guess?", She jokes.
"But I'm not a lawyer!"
"So what are you?"
"You guess!", I challenge.

"Okay...I will. Three guesses alright?"
"Okay."
"But in between the guesses we can have normal conversation without referring to your line of work."
"Hmm... sounds good."
" Let's go out for a walk. It's getting hot in here." Is she too fast or did she really mean she's feeling hot? I'm confused. "Whichever way, works fine with me! ;-)" I think to myself.

So we go out for a walk.
The night is frigging cold, and I start to shiver within the first 5 minutes of our walk. I can hardly concentrate on the talk, or on her. She seems comfortable though.

" So.... Rahul, tell me."
"What?"

" Middle of the night,
in the middle of a road,
that's in the middle of nowhere,
And in the middle of the conversation, the girl stops and says, "Rahul, tell me. What's the first thing that comes to your mind?"

"She wants me to make a move on her."
"So why don't you make it?"

Good question. Hmm.... It got me thinking.

"Because I like to make a move when the girl isn't expecting it. I don't like to give her any time to think."

She looks at me with a smirk, then suddenly slides her hand behind my neck and goes in for the kill!
The kiss is smooth but short.

She goes back two steps , her gaze fixed on me.

I think, " She's good!"
I think, " But ...she's taking my role. This is an attack on my sovereignty!"
I think, "This is an attack on my male ego. The boy makes the move first! That's the right procedure."

" The girl kisses you without you expecting it! What do you do Rahul?"

"I pick her up in my arms and take her to the first room I find."

"Wrong answer! You cannot find a room in a 2BHK full of some 30 people!"

She removes a car key from her purse and holds it in my face!

"That's enough!", I hold her hand and pull her to the parking, " Which one?", I ask her looking at the cars.

"Wait my child!..... You seriously need to get better at this.
When Rucha told me all those wonderful things about you all that time I was seriously expecting tough competition!"

"What did Rucha tell you about me?"

"Be glad she hasn't told anything to Bhargav yet!"

"Oh! So you know about our great escapes!", I feel a bit proud about this...I don't know why, but I'm always proud of stealing my friend's girl friend's!

"Rucha seriously needs a lesson or two on men!"

And then she steps back and walks straight to the apartment.
As she marches past me, the party comes to life with "Y this kolavari Di"   spilling disappointment and failure all over me! But the crowd cheers the Damn Jackass, aka DJ,
"Yeah Right....This is THE song I needed right now!", I think.

Middle of the night,
In the middle of an unknown road,
Some "Okay- looking" 'nothing' gives you a 'clean Chop'!
What do you do Rahul??


( To be continued....)

Break Up! Shake Up!

"Do you feel my heart beat?"

My room mate came running to me, holding her wrist with the other hand, her face looking shocked , going paler by the passing second. I was reading my usual FM textbook, had an exam in 10 days , but her unusual question shook me out of my rising temper, which would have exploded if it wasn't that question!

I felt for her vein, " Yes I do! Why? What happened? Why are you breathing so heavily?"

She sat on my bed looking out of the window for several seconds, those seconds had my heart beat double to an unexpected speed!

"Would you tell me what happened? Meghna!" I raised my voice.

She looked at me, tears in her eyes....there were a 1000 thoughts rushing through my brain at that point, colliding on each other like on a busy unmanaged trafficked road!

She held my hand in hers, her hands were cold!

"Dhiraj!" That's all she said for 1 whole minute! The textbook dropped out of my hands and I got this weird sinking feeling!

"What happened to him?", my other hand reached for my phone and I frantically typed his name to call him.

"Don't call that Bastard!"

"What?"

"He's having an affair with Tina!", finished Meghna!



Now, how do you react to a news like this?
The news of your boy friend of 3 years having an affair with the girl staying next door to your hostel room!
Like the typical saans bahu serials where the heroine slaps her palm to her forehead with a "Nahiiiiiiii!"???
Or our hindi films where she takes several minutes to digest the news , with tears slowly flowing down her rosy pink cheeks?
Or just walk out in a rage and straight to the boyfriend to question him?
Or answer with the old hindi melodramatic film style, "Nahi Meghna! Yeh nahi ho sakta!"

There are these certain situations in our life, where we do not know how to react and our only reference points to reactions are far from reality, and we are left to create or invent our own , unique , reactions!

And in these rare times when life gives us this special opportunity, to be different, do we show our best??


"BUUUURRRPPPP!"

As for me?
I un-intentionally showed my worst!
I burped!
And a really loud one at that!

" Yuk! What the fuck was that?", Meghna asked me with her 'Disgusted' look.

"The horrible food at our mess! As if I need to even tell you about it!"

And then we both looked at each other for a second and started laughing.

"You disgusting female!" started Meghna, " your next door girl is frisking away your cute, "Once in a lifetime catch of the century" boy friend right in front of your eyes, and all you do is mug up those stupid formulas and burp on the disgusting canteen food!"

"What do you want me to do? What can one do in this age and world Meghna? If someone bloody doesn't have the decency to break up with you before he sleeps with the next girl he finds., 'literally' the next girl he finds, what can you do? You can cry and you can blame him, and you can tell the whole world how bad he has been to you....but how does that help? If he's gone, he's gone! In fact I was wondering WHEN this 'break up' storm is going to hit us? All I've been hearing for the past 2 years is about people's break ups! I'm fed up! I've lost faith in these relationships.....you cannot trust anybody now a days.....you just can't! You cannot fall in love and expect to stay there, things change, and rather fast now a days.......If this is the scenario,  I choose to not get into this whole circus right at the first instance, but if I'm already in it, what do I do? I wait........and so I waited till the storm hit me!"

"But....you love Dhiraj......don't you?", Now you have to know this, Meghna is this Drama Queen still stuck in the 1960's or 70's...I don't know which era , where women cried out their hearts, where women felt intense pain and they felt victimised...where they were only supposed to feel victimised! And whether you like it or not, she will make sure you pay homage to those by gone days by shedding at least 1 tear in the pain of finding out about a cheating boy friend!

And so it happened that an uncontrolled tear did find an escape route, out of my "tired- of- reading -textbooks" eyes, to my "moisturiser -hungry" cheeks, onto my dry and flaky palms.

"Don't hide them....let them flow...you will feel better!", This has been Meghna's favourite dialogue to a lot of hostalites!

I wished I could some day explain to her that "crying" doesn't make everyone feel good.
Some of us hate crying,
some of us hate feeling victimised,
some of us hate that whole "Oh !poor little Tarini" look that people give.

The truth is I have been madly in love with Dhiraj all these years!
The truth is I was scared to death with even the thought of a break up!
The truth is I have dreamt all these years only of him, and of our life together, and of our children and our new home....
The truth is I took up MBA for him!

There are a lot of truths here....but only one that matters now, is that he cheated on me, that he's been cheating on me the whole semester....that I knew about it right from the beginning and preparing myself till other's find out, till he finds the courage to come and break up with me, or till I get some anonymous mails from a well wisher telling me about my boy friend's deeds!

How could I tell Meghna or anybody about the truth of my man? Which only I knew?
How could I tell my man, who looked without any guilt in his eyes straight at me, after I caught him in a compromising position?
What can I tell the world?
What can I tell such a man?
The only person I could speak to, was me....and thankfully I understood!
Thankfully, I did not lose my calm...
Thankfully , with time, I figured my way out of this storm!

It looked like I was the bravest of all the people who knew me and Dhiraj and who heard about Dhiraj's affair with Tina. From our professors, to classmates, to non teaching staff, everybody scorned at Dhiraj ,
Tina was the new Big Bitch of the college, and me , the sacrificial goat! Urggh!!

Everyone waited for the news of the break up next.
Some roudy over smart boys even started betting over who would break up?
Dhiraj or Tarini?
But break up news eluded us all.

Dhiraj and me did not meet for the rest of the year. being in the same college, we often crossed each other's way , but we both avoided each other's gaze. Sometimes he looked at me, but I did not look at him.

Dhiraj's friends asked him often, " So it's a break up huh?"
"Yes"
"She said so?"
"No"
"Then??? You broke up with her?"
"Naah...."
"Why not? I mean, who are you waiting for? Tina ? To do the honours?"

That Dhiraj had proposed to me by kneeling in front of our entire office where we worked together, and where we had met, wasn't a secret to anyone.
That we were often quoted as "The Best Couple" in college, whose "To-be-wife" gave up on the top MBA college of the country , to be with her beau who studied in the 20th -something ranked MBA college, wasn't a secret either!

You see ,this is the problem with these fairytale looking love stories!
The reality is far from the truth, but the people want to hope for the best , because hoping for the best is the way of life....and Dhiraj and me sticking together as a couple, was not just something everyone hoped for, but something that everyone wanted to see, so that their belief that "true love is real", is not shaken! And I did not want to shake people out of their dreamy worlds either....that is such a cruel thing to do...like telling a small child that the world you are so looking up to growing up in , is nothing but a big disaster! I did not want to be the one to break so many hearts, my heart was broken...that was okay...but I couldn't handle the thought of breaking so many hearts!

I don't know what Dhiraj thought about the whole thing at that time, but the end result was, we did not have an official break up!

That did 2 things:
A. Our relationship did not come to an official full stop.
B. Tina's insecurities over her relationship with Dhiraj kept increasing every day.

It was a pressure Test!
For me, For him, and for her!
And the college was the witness and the audience!


2 months later came the fun week , and with the fun week came the Fish Ponds, those nasty anonymous messages people send to each other!
There wasn't a single message for us last year (nobody bothers the old settled couple), but this year there did not seem to be any other love story than our's! Where did all the Romeo's fly ? I wondered!
And I know what Tina wondered as well, her face showed it all, "Who is having the affair? Me or her?"
Not a single message was directed at her and Dhiraj!

There was this one message,
" D- Dada,
What a choice!
Who thought a simple family man like you would want so much noise?
Now quit breaking more hearts, we say
go back to "T-Terrific" lady this very day!"

Like a spell,
It did work!
Not that very day, but 5 days later.



She walked to me in the library.
( My Thought: I don't understand this woman's choice of locations.....ever! For first date, she chose the hill behind the college ground! For making out, she chose 'under the stairs') And for breaking the news of her break up, she chose The Library!

"It's over between us! I hope you are happy now!" She was loud and clear.
Everyone in the Library, including the Librarian applauded for a good 3 minutes till she walked out and people walked up to me to congratulate me,"You did it! You proved to the world that the eternal love exists! Your silence, your dignity, your love, your sincerity, brought back your love! Damn! If he also did not want it, he would still be drawn towards you, that's your power lady! waah!"

I did not say anything.
I maintained my silence.

A week after that was our farewell.
After all ,we were all on this journey together only for 2 years!
At the Farewell party, everybody coaxed Dhiraj to come to me and ask me for a dance. And he did come.... The man could not look me in the eye, but this man who couldn't tell me it was over between us did ask me if we could have a dance. The whole hall waited for my yes, to see The Best Couple's Last Dance in this college that defined their relationship for the rest of their lives!
It was the moment of truth for me and Dhiraj.
Nothing was spoken between us about his new hook up or our break up, or his break up or our coming together after that.

"Won't happen again,EVER! I'm sorry!" He whispered.
"That's not what I wanted to hear.", I calmly told him.
"I love you.......and I'm sure of that now. No more doubts!"
"You sure?"
"Lock kiya jaye!", He smiled. He held my hand and I let myself be held by the man who no longer was the man of my dreams!

The truth was, I was always with him. He was the one who drifted apart.
The truth was, I would go ahead and marry him and have his kids in spite of this episode.
But the truth also was, that I would never trust him again.
That with my silence, I had not just won him back , but with my forgiveness I had forever made him my slave!

For the dance, they played a very appropriate song for us, "Save the last dance for me"....
As we swayed ,we captured everyone's imaginations and hopes and beliefs !
And I epitomised the "Image" of an Ideal woman, and the ideal wife in me!

You can dance-every dance with the guy
Who gives you the eye,let him hold you tight
You can smile-every smile for the man
Who held your hand neath the pale moon light
But don't forget who's takin' you home
And in whose arms you're gonna be
So darlin' save the last dance for me

Oh I know that the music's fine
Like sparklin' wine, go and have your fun
Laugh and sing, but while we're apart
Don't give your heart to anyone
But don't forget who's takin' you home
And in whose arms you're gonna be
So darlin' save the last dance for me

Baby don't you know I love you so
Can't you feel it when we touch
I will never, never let you go
I love you oh so much

You can dance, go and carry on
Till the night is gone
And it's time to go
If he asks if you're all alone
Can he walk you home,you must tell him no
'Cause don't forget who's taking you home
And in whose arms you're gonna be
Save the last dance for me

Oh baby won't you save the last dance for me
Oh baby won't you promise that you'll save,
The last dance for me
Save the last dance, the very last dance for me.

Welcome to the City!

Silk Board Junction in Bengaluru is well known for its heavy traffic jams. Even after a flyover has been built connecting directly to the Electronic city, the traffic isn't any less at the Junction and at times one finds oneself stuck at the signal for as long as 15 minutes during rush hours.

Sneha's route was typically J.P Nagar to Marathahalli where she worked and back to J.P Nagar where she stayed. For 2 years she had traveled by buses and now had bought herself a bike, which was not for use to go to office everyday but mainly to avoid getting into arguments with auto drivers on weekends, who are well known for screwing up the meters to charge more fare, which in turn leads to a lot of stress, and inconvenience to the commuters. But why would the Government care to look into the matter? Heck! They don't even care about the flyover constructions on the outer ring road taking forever and causing so much inconvenience to the commuters everyday!

Even after paying the highest road tax in India, this is what we get! Pollution, traffic jams, construction work everywhere on the road, poorly built service roads, no proper traffic / danger/ construction signs where construction work is happening. The other day Sneha almost drove into a big pit at the end of the road, which was not barricaded or covered with any warning signs. Sneha felt she had been given a 2nd chance at life after not lending into the pit, thanks to her super quick brakes! Roads are bad but the automobile industry is doing a great job considering all the odds.

This week was a tough one. There were deadlines to meet and Sneha was getting her bike to office every day. No...not because of the deadlines but because once you get used to a vehicle, its difficult to want to go standing all the way in an over crowded bus. You tend to like the dust and the pollution over the sweat around you.

She thought she would try to enjoy the bike rides, sing a song while riding or think about what work needs to be done, or reflect on where life is going etc etc. But no....The crazy traffic doesn't let you do anything other than think which is the sleekest way to get ahead of the cars, trucks and other bikes standing in front of you and you try so hard for over 20 minutes , with all your driving skills and confidence only to find you are bloody running a rat race. The woman you supposedly crossed over 10 minutes back is now riding with you. Fuck! You got nowhere!

What's worse?

Riding in this traffic only to find you are really getting nowhere, or working in that lame IT office environment day in and day out , and get nowhere and feel nothing by the end of weeks and months and years??

Tough choice!

Everyday Sneha went around these same topics in her head while riding and she was starting to get irritated!
"Oh come on! There has to be more to a city than the salary you get paid at the end of the month!"
Now a days she couldn't find a reason for her living in a city.
She looked at the life of her friends back home. Happily settled with a family, and a job. The job might not be paying them as much as hers paid her. It might not have growth opportunities as her job had. But, you also don't get unnecessarily stressed with traffic and pollution! Half of your life spent in commuting! Does it make any sense at all?

"Excuse me?"
Sneha's thought process was disturbed by someone standing with a bike besides her.
"Yes?"
He was a boy with a blue checked shirt. That's all she noticed of him in the first look. The blue checks. She loved his shirt.
"Don't think I'm a stalker, but I've seen you around many times. Maybe our time of commuting is the same. You work in Vrindavan Tech Park right?"
"Yes"
"I work there too."
"Oh!Which company?"

Just then the signal turned green or in other words, it said," Get Set Go" ,and all the vehicles rushed as if there was a million dollar prize for them at the end of the road.

Sneha took her own sweet time to navigate her way. Every now and then she could see the blue checked shirt riding somewhere around her. Sometimes he would be completely out of sight, and she would ride a bit faster, try to locate him, and when he came back into sight, there was a relief of some sort.
Blue checked shirt preferred the service roads to the jammed main roads while Sneha usually stuck to the main road.....whichever roads they took, almost every time they ended up being somewhere around each other, but never next to each other. Whenever they were stuck in a traffic, they looked at each other and smiled, but were too far away to talk to each other.

In the next 30 minutes, blue checks was lost somewhere and Sneha could not locate him at all.

She reached her Tech Park and parked her bike in her company parking lot.
As she walked from the parking lot to her desk, she though, "This day feels different!"
Funny as it may sound, a few sentences exchanged with a stranger had brought a whole new perspective about the way she perceived life in this city.
Suddenly she was looking forward to ride back home in the expectation that she would see him again, and maybe ask his name??
Why? Had she liked him?
No...not really. she wasn't so foolish to fall in love at 1st sight.
Then why was her world painted in red today?
She couldn't tell.
She couldn't tell  why!

The deadlines were over, and so was the week. She made it a point to start from home at the same time every day, but for the next 2 weeks, she did not see him anywhere on the road. She knew his bike number. But he was nowhere in sight.
Had he lied that he was a regular commuter?
Did something happen to him?
Is he alive?
Was he a dream?
Am I sane??

That was the only question that haunted her in week 3. "Am I sane?"

"Miss Sen!"
She was startled out of her reverie as her colleague called out to her.

"Yes Varun?"
"Where are you lost?"
 She turned to look at her laptop and realized why Varun asked such a question. She had been looking at the screen saver, god knows for how long!
"Nowhere!"
She tapped the mouse to get back to her work.

Varun came closer to her cubicle.
"So Sneha.......what is it?"
"What is what Varun?", She kept her eyes fixed on her monitor. While he kept his eyes fixed on her.
"Who's he?"
"Who's who?"
"The guy you have been thinking about for quite a long time now??"
"I don't think about any guy Varun."
"Okay then....the girl you have been thinking about for quite a long time now?" He joked, she picked up a spare magazine and threw at him.
"Coffee?"
"No thank you."

Varun nagged her a bit more and then left her alone knowing that she wouldn't budge. She had started feeling helplessly foolish about this whole scenario. She had been in a few relationships before, she wasn't the "Never been kissed" types, and she knew better than those romantic fairy tale stuff that young girls love all the time. But still, she couldn't do anything to keep her heart from searching for the one.

The next day, she decided she would not take the bike to office. What with her eyes scanning each and every bike number, she felt as if she was on some mission impossible! She walked to her usual bus stop and got into the familiar bus. There was no place to sit, as always. But now she preferred the sweat smell to her ride through the polluted rugged roads as if she was a secret spy, a CIA agent. She had started making a fool out of herself on that episode now. All she remembered was his bike number and the checked shirt. She couldn't even remember how he looked. She had even gone to the extent of googling 'who wears blue checked shirt' and found no logical answer to the question. Unknowingly she started smiling and later chuckling, a few ladies and men standing besides her turned to look at her. But she couldn't stop. The whole episode was so damn funny. She started laughing now, uncontrollably, tears rolling down her cheeks....people around her thought she was insane. She tried to explain through her laughs and tears, "Gosh...I can't stop laughing...my god! This is so funny! I....... ( laughs, chuckles, tears, laugh ) God...I've.....( laughs, chuckles), can't believe myself!" A few young girls besides her started laughing as well. For whole 5 minutes she laughed as if she had been granted the right to laugh for the first time in her life. So she made a quick decision to get down from the bus and return home because she totally doubted her mental status. The conductor let her get down, and everyone looked at her with amazement. When the bus passed by, she settled down and stopped laughing. Took 2 deep breaths. She kept standing at the side of the Outer Ring Road, in the middle of nowhere. She looked down at her feet  and kept looking there.
"Hi."
She looked up.
"Yes?"
"I heard you laughing in the bus."
" Great! And you thought I was mad."
"No...just that it was the most amazing laughter I've ever heard."
"Thanks..but I feel like such a fool!", She looked away.

He gave her some time and then asked,
"coffee?"
" Is there any coffee shop at all around here?", she was quick to answer and looked around.
" We'll have to walk a little to get there. Mind it?"

He looked descent. Specs with a black geeky frame, curly hair, fair skin tone , a bit plump but a reassuring face and a cute smile.
"I'm Sneha ." She extended her hand.
"I'm Jaydeep."

They walked to the coffee shop and sat there 4 whole hours talking. Talking about anything and everything.

And so she realized once again why she loved the city so much.

In cities, you meet people, you make friends, some go on to be life long friends, some just for a few minutes. But it is the city where anything and everything is possible. It's the city which offers you the world of your dreams.

Nobody cares whether you laugh or you cry.
Or that you are in love or you have fallen out of it.
They don't care.

And that's nice in a way, because you aren't judged 24x7 on your every word spoken and every step taken. You can go whichever way you like. You can go wrong- knowingly, unknowingly, foolishly....whatever.
No silly rules and traditions bind you. No-one sees you holding hands with some random guy and report it back home.You can act foolish and that wouldn't be held against you for the rest of your life.



You see this isn't a post about a love story.
It's a post about the life in a city the way I see it.
The anonymity, the mystery, the opportunity, the adventure, the freedom......it's just too much goodness against issues like pollution, noise and crowd.


A. I would rather have my lungs full of smoke and dust then have it full of unsaid hidden desires.
B. I would rather have  all the noise outside on the road then have unwanted people crowd my brain with advice,suggestion,taunts, and comments!
C. And finally I would rather be lost in an anonymous crowd then be crowded by people I hardly care for!

This - A, B and C is the real pollution, noise and crowd that I would always guard myself against!

I love the city- Whether it's Bengaluru, Mumbai or Pune!
I just totally love it here!

Strange Relationships

In KFC, They sat at a table facing the whole crowd, so that he could check out the girls and she could check out the boys.They were really good friends, ex's actually, but due to some problems somewhere, things couldn't be worked out and they had accepted the fact after initial hesitation and decided to move on as good friends. It wasn't too long back since their break up, but they did meet up once in a while, things were cooling down, it seemed.

"Check that one in your right." he turned the whole way to his right,almost looking backwards to see the girl.
"Not so much right stupid......At around 2o'clock." She specified the position and he caught sight of the girl.
"What about her?" He asked.
"You don't find her good?",she was surprised.
"She is okay..."
"Why? Just because she is in a salwaar? Only a girl in skimpy clothes can look hot according to you or what?", He wondered why Shalini couldn't let go at times, why she had to know the reason behind each and every opinion.
"I did not say she's hot, nor did I say she is bad......I just said she is okay! I mean she is attractive, rest I don't know yet."
Shalini looked at Kunal with a surprised look,"You don't have to know the rest Mr. This fun shun is meant only for the pleasure of your eyes, nothing more.", She sounded a bit possessive.

The girl in question sat alone at the table. looked like she was nervous and waiting for someone.

"I'm so sure she is not here with her boy friend." Shalini was back talking about the same girl.
"Why so?"
"Look at the expression on her face. Girls who come here with their boy friends usually carry an attitude, or that they smile at themselves because they are so much in their own world. But look at her, she seems kind of bored! "

Kunal shot her another look," She isn't bored. She's anxious."

"Really? About what?"

Just then a fat woman came with a tray filled with coke and other food stuff and laid it before the girl and sat down next to her.
" Anxious about how to finish off all that food eh?" Shalini joked sipping on her coke.

"That's her mother. And she is here to meet her prospective son in law.", Kunal said confidently. Shalini decided to play along.
"In KFC? Is this a place for such occasions?"
"This is a place for all occasions my friend. I would be really comfortable meeting a prospective wife to be in KFC rather than some posh restaurant where it's really quiet and tidy and formal and all that."
Shalini thought for a while," Yeah. You are right. This informal environment helps to calm down.Yet she's so nervous. Imagine how nervous she would be in a formal setting!"

"Oh come on. This is her 1st time, plus she's really young. Just 21." Kunal's eyes were glowing with confidence now.
"What's making you so happy?As if you are their prospective..?" She nudged him.
"As a matter of fact ....", He got up from his seat, tidied his shirt a bit, "I am. Excuse me for a while, will you?"
"Yeah right." Shalini smiled and got back to her burger. But from the corner of her eyes she saw Kunal walking up to the table. She kept watching him, not knowing what to do. She was frozen in her seat, with that burger in her hands as she saw Kunal walking up to the 2 ladies and striking a conversation and then taking a seat on that table.

As minutes passed by, the reality dawned on her.
Kunal had actually come here to meet his prospective wife to be. He knew all along, everything about the very girl Shalini chose as her target for her comments. Shalini felt betrayed, foolish and sad all at the same time. Yes they were 'Just Friends' now, but it was hardly 2 months back that they had broken up. And just a week since they had started speaking again. She wanted to give their relationship another shot, she wanted to try and make it work. Because those 2 months after they broke up, had really given her the time to evaluate the situation. She was 27. It wasn't too early for marriage. Why had she declined his proposal? Ambition, dreams....they could be fulfilled all along. But the right man? Would he come along again? Kunal was everything she ever wanted, almost everything. And she was sure she would never come that close to her specifications again. She wanted to get married in her 30's...she wanted Kunal to wait. But he had said the pressure at his home was too much and that he wouldn't be able to argue with his old parents about it. Does that mean you say a yes to the 1st girl your parents choose for you?

Shalini looked at the girl. She looked good, simple and well dressed. The girl was smiling at Kunal's jokes now and Shalini could tell this meeting would be successful if it's let to proceed without any interruptions. This was the moment of truth, this was the time to decide. Shalini realized this was her last chance at winning the boy she was in love with. She got up from her seat and started walking towards the table, not knowing what her strategy to deal with the situation would be. She reached the table and stood there.

Kunal, the girl and the mother looked up at her. The mother was the 1st to talk, "Yes? What do you want?"
Shalini took a deep breath. She did not look at Kunal.
"I want him." She pointed at him.
Kunal jerked off his seat and got up, "Shardaji, this is my friend, Shalini. You were a bit late in coming here so I joined her at her table and we were chatting for a while."

Kunal signalled Shalini with his eyes to get lost. But Shalini seemed fixed in her place as if someone had applied Fevicol to her shoes.
"I am not just a friend. I'm his girl friend. And I don't know why he's doing this to me?" She broke down and started crying. Within seconds, everybody in KFC was quiet and looking at her. Kunal had never seen Shalini cry before, not even when they broke up had she cried. He had thought she's not human at all at some points. She wasn't like the other women he had known.

" How can you be so insensitive Kunal? Why do I have to say everything in words for you to understand? Don't you see it in my eyes? Don't you understand it by my behaviour? Have you ever seen me cooking for anybody? Didn't I cook for you? Didn't I wait for you ? I did your shopping and I cleaned up your cupboards. If this isn't my love for you then what is? All I asked was your time Kunal. And all it took for you to say a no to me was one argument. No trying, No struggling.......A No from my side and it's all over? I want you . I want you for my life and I'll fight to get you, come what may. I don't care if these people feel I'm so foolish and shameless. Yes I'm shamelessly making a scene here and begging you to not leave me Kunal. I'm not so strong as I show myself to be. I won't be able to carry on without you. I'll survive but I won't live my life. Please don't do this to me Kunal. Please."

She turned and walked out of KFC as fast as she could. She caught the 1st Auto she saw and was gone within seconds. The focus of the people at KFC now turned to Kunal. It was as if the crowd waited for his explanation or answer or something from him.

Kunal cleared his throat,"Vidya is my 2nd cousin who is in love with a man 15 years elder to her and who made the stupid decision of dropping out of college in her final sem to get married to him. I'm trying to fix the situation."

"Did you have to spoil my name in public to save your ass Kunal bhaiyya?" Vidya stood up, furious!

"So you do realize that what you've done is wrong." Kunal looked straight at Vidya, she sat down, " But I don't know what to do now? I'm so screwed up!"

"I'll deal with you later, first I've to go and talk to my lady love. It took her 5 years to realize that she is in love with me. Bye Shardachachi, will call you later." He rushed out of KFC.

"Thanks a lot Kunal....bless you both." Shardachachi turned to see her daughter, " Here's you who did not take a second to fall in love with the wrong man and there's Shalini who couldn't realize she was with the right man until she almost lost him....strange generation yours is!"

Janaki "Confused" Sincro!

She enters the salon and stands there, trying to remember why she entered it in the 1st place. Her mind is still on some of the eye liners she had seen in the earlier shop.

The Salon ladies are busy on their clients applying the face pack, threading, massaging the hair...

She looks back once again, and realizes she cannot go out before she finishes her work here. Some of the Salon ladies look up now, expecting her to say something. So she looks around for some help and finds what she needed...The L'Oreal Shampoo.

"I need this shampoo." She points out to a cream color bottle.

"Just the shampoo or also the conditioner?" One of the salon lady asks her.

"Wait a min." She dials the number of her friend who had asked her to get the shampoo,

" I told you I just need the shampoo, I already have the conditioner!" The friend says.

But at that very time she is looking at the different colors of the bottles in front of her, she is wondering , if she had a bit more money, which bottle she would have bought. She carelessly says a 'okay' to her friend and asks for the shampoo again, "How much is the shampoo for?"

"It's 475 ma'am, it is to be used with the conditioner for best results. Shall I give the conditioner as well?"

She is confused again. She knows very well that her friend had given her specific instructions before starting from home, then once again after she called to confirm, just seconds ago....but what were the instructions? She cannot remember.

"Wait a sec." She calls her friend again, who's busy working on some important issue at work, " What?", The friend demands.

How do I ask her the same question again?  She wonders for a moment before asking, " Did you say just the shampoo or just the conditioner? or both?"

The friend wonders what's wrong with this girl? So she says, " If it's too difficult for you to remember then just come home. Don't get anything. I'll look for it myself."

"No just this last time. What do you want?"

"Get me the fucking SHAMPOO!", The friend replies, irritated and frustrated and slams down the phone. This isn't the 1st time she has behaved this way, she always seems lost somewhere.

So she pays for the fucking SHAMPOO and comes out of the salon. On her way back she remembers the Cadbury Five star Ad with the tag line "Jo khaaye, kho jaaye!" and the two friends calling out to each other again and again after every bite- "Ramesh n Suresh".

So she smiles to herself on her absent mindedness and just then the phone rings again and its her friend calling and she thinks, "Oh fuck! She had asked me to buy some shampoo!" And she turns around swiftly, making a run to the salon and picks up the call on the way, panting, "I'm just on my way to get your shampoo, wait!" and cuts the call.

And the friend on the line thinks," WTF?"

 

(That's Di n me-in one of my mischievous moods)

I Am In Silence!

" I am in Silence"  It was written on the badge that hung in her neck. She showed it to him and smiled sweetly.

"Of course" He thought!

How foolish of him! He had been living in the Ashram for 6 months and knew every course that went on around.
People wearing the Blue and the Orange badges were a part of the advance course and were supposed to be in silence for a period of 4 days to 1 month- depending on what level of advance course one has reached.

"Is this the the first time you are doing the advance course?" He asked.

She nodded.

"Is this your first time in Ashram?"

She moved her head to indicate a "No". And she showed 2 of her fingers.

"Oh! It's your 2nd time!"

She disagreed again and after a while took out a pen and a notepad and scribbled- "It's been 2 months since I'm here!"

"2 Months? Wow! That's strange because I've been around here 6 months but  never saw you."

She scribbled- " I was taking some ayurvedic treatments and was advised to take rest most of the times."

That's a bit strange , he thought. He was so sure he knew all the 500 or so Ashramites. He had seen them walking on some or the other road, or during Satsang's or in a Ashram office or at least meditating under a tree!
Anyway, people have their own agendas when they come to an Ashram!

She moved her hands and signaled to him that she has to go. He nodded and she left.

It was the 2nd day of her advance course of 4 days and this was the 2nd time he had seen her around the lake.
Mostly nobody came around here. The lake wasn't exactly beautiful as such. People preferred more beautiful locations like the Ashram's various themed gardens. The Japanese garden was everyone's favorite for its rock formations, small water ponds and bridges.
Lake, on the other hand was an open area, there weren't any trees around and it was full of crocks. At the most, people came here in the afternoon's to watch the crocks sunbathing, but no-one turned around this side in the evenings. The lake was at the southern tip of the Ashram , it marked the southern border of the Ashram.

Neil had been visiting the lake every day for the past 6 months. He loved water, after all he came from a coastal area. Seeing water body made him calm. Of course a lake is nothing in comparison to a sea...there are no waves, no sound of waves, no sand and no star fishes on the banks of a lake......but the lake had it's own  activity. It had crabs and the crocks, the birds that came to  drink water or take a bath and occasional new visitors such as a mongoose , a snake, or a chameleon. All these months he sat around the lake till it got dark. .He sat alone. But since yesterday, he had company. And now that she had left, he found no reason to sit around the lake,he suddenly started feeling lonely. He picked up his jhola and headed for his room.

Day 3

Neil waited for her to arrive. It was past  her usual time of visiting the lake. He wondered whether he should go at the venue of the Advance course and look out for her. But that would look too desperate! Besides, there were around 4 batches of Advance courses happening in 4 different locations at 4 corners of the Ashram...he would be lost looking out for her. So he decided to bide his time.
And she came, thank god she came.

He turned and looked at her and gave a smile of relief!
She instantly must have understood why the relieved smile came her way and shook her head in disbelief!

"Yes. I've been waiting for you."
She signaled, "why?"
"Because I wanted to talk to you. Tomorrow is your last day of the course. Are you staying here longer?"
She said a "no". ( Said meaning in silence, in sign language/ through body language).

"Oh!So.... once you are asked to break your silence, we could go to the Ashram Canteen for a cup of tea and a small chat? Are you fine with it?"

She thought for a while, took out her notepad and scribbled, " What's wrong with having a tea while I'm in silence?"


" Oh you want to go now too? Sure! Pleasure is all mine!"


They both walked to the canteen which was almost 20 minutes walk from the lake. She walked in silence while he talked about his life in Kerala. How he went abroad for a higher education and realized his deep sense of connection with his roots. And after staying abroad for a couple of years, he returned to Bengaluru where he joined a MNC but did not find any satisfaction in the work or life and had finally turned to ashram life to find answers to his questions and wanderings on his destiny...


"You know what? In all these 6 months, I haven't felt so good talking to anyone else as I'm feeling talking to you. Please don't feel that I'm flattering you, I'm just being honest. There was something about just sitting in silence with you on the banks of the lake, and then we just saw each other and smiled and exchanged a few words again, and today I'm talking about my life and my innermost feelings. Though I wasn't in silence, it was almost similar to that for the past couple of months. I did not befriend anyone, nor did I find any company interesting. But I want to be your friend, but you are leaving tomorrow....that's so sad!


She smiled again.
They both drank tea at the canteen and Neil spoke continuously for almost 4 hours. They walked from the Canteen to the various gardens, to the Vedic school campus etc.


"Gosh! I'm talking so much. I'm tired! I hope you aren't feeling tired!"


She nodded and gestured that she has to take rest.


"Oh sure. But please remember we are meeting tomorrow. Should we meet at the Lake or the canteen?"


She gestured saying Lake.


"Alright. I'll be waiting here at 5 pm. And tomorrow, you'll talk...you'll tell me everything, okay?"


She smiled and headed for her room.


That night, Neil could not sleep.
Her silence was killing him. He had dated many girls, but none had eyes as expressive as hers. None smiled as sweetly as her. She wasn't beautiful as such, but she had a very good poise! Every time she did any gestures with her hand or mudras to convey any meaning, she was very apt and clear.He wondered where she must have come from, oh! He hadn't even asked her name, nor had he told her his name. She hadn't asked any questions, she gave only answers.


The next day, when Neil reached the lake at 5 pm, She was already there.
He was so glad to see her, he had got a nightmare that she wouldn't turn up.


"Hi! Finally, we are here.....I'm Neil." He extended his hand.
She smiled and shook his hand and showed her badge which had her name on it, which he hadn't noticed the last time," Ashwini".


"Nice to meet you Ashwini. But you can talk now."


She smiled and handed him a piece of paper.


" I can not talk. I'm mute. Last year I met with an accident because of which I lost my ability to speak. I'm taking treatments, it might take another 1 year to regain my voice, but it might not be the same. I'm or rather was a carnatic classical singer before the accident. I lost my livelihood to that fateful day. So I came to the Ashram because I had nowhere to go. Here, the courses and the treatments helped me improve. I'm learning bharatnatyam now from a teacher. Bharatnatyam is based on carnatic music so I understand it well. I have to go to Bengaluru since I'm joining a renowned Guru from tomorrow."


Neil looked up at her, unable to say anything. He did not know what went on in his head. He had too many expectations- he wanted to hear her voice, he wanted to hear her story, there's so much we connect to speech! So much we say..and here's a life in mute! It is better to be born deaf and dumb than lose your abilities at a later point when you've already depended so much on it!


She scribbled something else on that paper," I'm in silence...and I don't know for how long it's going to be this way!"





Photo by :

Paul Runnestø 

My choice!

"No!"

"Why not?"

"We don't like her. That's why."

"How can you not like her before even meeting her?"

"She's ....just...."

"Educated! Well aware! respectuful.....isn't it enough?"

"No. We do have educated , respectful girls in our community, in our country, don't we Siddhu?"

" Yes. But I love Ceona."

"What about us? Have you stopped loving us the moment you started loving her?"

" Maa......"  Siddharth looked at her with painful eyes, "Don't make me choose maa, please!"

" I've known this the moment you met her Siddhu. It's been a year , hasn't it?"

"Yes. I met her a year back."

" You don't call home that often, you don't speak properly....you don't need me anymore, do you?"

"I need you maa....Do you think things would be different if I let you choose the girl for me?"

"I'll be able to speak to her at least.....now what? She doesn't know my language and I don't know hers!"

Siddharth laughed a bit, "You will find a way around to communicate with her maa, just meet her once...just once!"

" How? Sign language?"

He took a momet to answer," Yes maa. Sign language....She can't hear, she can't speak!"

This news made Maa go mute for a few seconds.

He continued," On a brighter note, you will always be the one to speak and tell her what to do! Your daughter in law will not fight, nor complain about you, hows that? "

Maa was touched, she held Siddharth's hand, " But she won't hear what I say as well! Anyway, I guess this should work......when do I get to meet her?"

"Soon Maa"


The after-thought on this story:

Siddharth came in his room and relaxed on his bed...he was glad about the way things had gone with his mom. Just then the phone rang.

"So , how did it go?"

" Fantastic!"

"Maa agreed?"

" She wants to meet you as soon as possible!"

" Wow! How did you manage that loverboy?"

"Hmm.....Ceona, there's just one glitch that is in favour of everybody if handled carefully."

"What is it?"

" I told Maa you were dumb and deaf!"

"WHAT? WHY? How could you?"

" Look honey, relax! I've actually done you a favour. You don't have to talk nor listen to her, she'll talk to you, but there never is a scope for a fight!"

Just then Maa opens the door of his room, " Is everything fine Siddhu?" She keeps the ironed shirts on his table.
"Yes Maa."
"Who are you talking to?"
"A friend...."
(In the back ground Ceona is screaming at Siddharth!)
" She sounds like a woman to me..."
"Yes she is Maa..."
Maa narrowed her eyes," Careful Siddhu! You might think you'll get away with double timing on that poor simple dumb girl, but your mother still has her ears in perfectly working condition! I will not tolerate you cheating on Ceona...I will protect her as my own daughter...come what may!" She banged the door of his room as she left in fury..., "After all, how many mothers are lucky enough to have a daughter in law who listens to everything they say? I will not tell Mrs Khanna and Mrs Dixit about her disabilty...they will be so jealous of me! Gori bahu, that too one who listens to everything!" Maa relaxed on her bed with thoughts of a beautiful future and about how she will protect and care for the dumb and deaf Ceona!

Ceona continued screaming into Siddharth's ears the rest of the night.

Siddharth wished Ceona actually goes dumb in the process or that he goes deaf...either would save him from what lay in the future!

The Right v/s The Wrong ( A story)

He came for his usual morning jog on the white sand a few steps from his Restaurant.
It was 8am, the sun was shining bright, the sea looked serene and calm, and the clear blue sky marked it as the perfect day!

The day started late around this part of the world called Goa, with the parties going on till morning.
Just a few people, mostly fishermen were seen on the beach at this hour.
Today though,Richard was a bit surprised to see a young girl sitting on the sand with a camera in her hands, busy clicking pictures of the sea.

Something about her did not let him take his eyes off her......She was a simple looking girl with  long curly hair, long legs and a petite figure.
Something inside him naturally made him change his direction towards her , he had never done anything like that before. He always maintained his distance from women, or else they might misunderstand his move towards them. But today felt like a different day, just with the presence of this girl around him.
He sat down next to her.
She did not notice his presence. she did not realize he was watching her. She seemed busy clicking picture of a couple taking a bath in the sea. He looked at her subject of interest for a long time, and finally realized he would have to make some special efforts for getting her attention.

"Hey, you don't seem to be a tourist around here!"
" I do not want any boat rides, no Dolphin rides, thank you!" She said without looking at him, she said without taking her eyes off her camera lens.

" Hi I'm Richard, I run that Restaurant called 'Adventurer's Inn'...that one back there. I have never seen you around here...."

Now he got her attention. She turned to look at him, and studied him, but did not say a word for a long time.

"Are you by any chance employed by that restaurant to pull customers?" She asked carefully.
"Nope. I own it."
"I'm sorry, I don't really understand. How can I help you? Or is this another way of trying to hook up a girl?"

He smiled," I don't know really. I come for a jog here everyday, and this is probably the first time I see a lady..... like you, with a camera...like that....this early on the beach."
"So?"
"See, I don't know why I'm sitting here, trying to make a conversation with you, trying to know you more...but something inside me pulled me towards you!"
"Honesty! Wow! Women love honest men , don't they?"

He looked away from her, he did not like the way she tried to judge his intentions. It wasn't her fault, he knew how men on the coastline treated a single lady.
Still, he couldn't let go," Would you like to have a coffee with me at my restaurant? It's just on the beach, a few steps back there actually."

She almost ignored his invitation and looked back at the sea.
" That couple you see in the sea, they are my friends , I've come with them."
" Oh the one you were photographing?"
"Yeah them!"
"Okay, you can call them along too...." He thought the girl was trying to take a safer stand.

"Na I wouldn't like to disturb them...."
"Romantic setting...isn't it?"
" Yeah! It is...." She kept looking at the couple. Richard realized that the girl had sleepy eyes, maybe she was tired, or had a hangover from yesterday's party...he couldn't tell.
She continued talking," but they are having 'Tha Talk' in there!" she said simply,calmly.

" They are? In the middle of the sea? Isn't that a bit bizarre? I mean a place like that for a break up?" He couldn't believe it!

But she was calm, not taking her eyes off her friends, " I don't know if they are breaking up....they've been in a relationship 8 years now....its not easy to break up!" She turned to look at him now," Have you ever broken up with anyone?" She asked innocently.

He smiled at her child like curiosity. " Haven't you ever?"
" You have to fall in love 1st, in order to break up. Isn't it?"
"Nope! You have to be in a relationship in order to break up!"

She took her time to think.
" I've never been in love..." There was a bit of regret in her voice.
"Why not?"
"I don't know.......I think I'm a bit too careful with my heart....I don't give it away that easily!"
"Oh! Lucky you! For the rest of us, its too difficult to tame our wild hearts....it keeps jumping and running around like a monkey!"
" Oh I wished I could be that way at least for a day......just let go and fall in love and not look for perfection and criteria...just ....live for the moment...you know what I'm saying?", She seemed to be breathing heavily, deeply.
" And why can't you just live for the moment? What's stopping a young beautiful lady like yourself?"

 She pointed at her head with her index finger, " This! My stupid head! My head that is too carefully programmed wouldn't let me lose focus from my busy career oriented life!"

" But you are here right now...you can relax, take a chill pill!"

" yeah I have! I have taken an anti anxiety, anti depressant chill pill! But even that doesn't stop this Hitler Head of mine....Do you know I'm a Doctor? I'm a Gold medalist who did nothing other than studying and scoring marks.... Do you know what they call me? They call me a Scholar! And they laugh at my back! Now I'm 24, and I'm getting married in a few days time......and all I would do my whole life would be the right thing....... always! Only the right thing! For once, I want to enjoy my life, for once I want to make a mistake , for once I want to have a dirty secret!"

He was losing her now, he couldn't really understand what was so sad about being a young beautiful Gold Medalist Doc?

"So ............." He was trying hard to frame a proper question, " ....Get over your fears, and do something......um.... wrong!"
"Like what?"
"Ummmm...... Do you drink?"
"No."
"Well! You could do that!"
" But that's nothing wrong! I want to do something that is wrong! You know actual wrong! Hard core wrong!People cry and make such a huge deal about having done a mistake in their life. I have seen people attempting suicide because they feel they are guilty of something..........what these idiots don't understand is, how important it is to make a mistake in life! How important it is to have wronged! It makes us Human , Damn it!.....I want to be human! I don't like perfection. I want my mind to allow me the liberty of taking a chance, and to have miscalculated and to have wronged, and learn from that mistake!"

"Oh come on, you must have wronged sometime, somewhere."

She hopelessly shook her head," No I haven't! Have you?"

" Well!Does cheating on my girlfriend count?"

"Yes!"

"Does taking LSD and forcing my friends to take it,count?"

She looked at him suddenly," Yes! Totally!"

"Does falsely proving an old friend a thief to own a restaurant count?"

"Jesus! It totally does!"

"Does getting a girl pregnant and abandoning her in the 7th month of her pregnancy , in the middle of nowhere, count?"

She plainly kept looking at him for a long time.
He stared back at her, " Does..."

"Stop it! Just stop it! How.........How do you sleep at nights Richard? How can you eat and digest that food? How do you get through each and every day knowing you are doing so much wrong?"

He looked down at his hands, " Wrong is all I ever saw. Wrong is all I ever did!"

"You have a choice Richard! You always have a choice to make."

"And what would I get for choosing right? Sitting like this on a beautiful day and regretting having been right my whole life? I rather continue being wrong, if that's letting me live! Your righteousness is not letting you live, but all my wrong deeds are letting me not just live,but even enjoy my life!"

She was quiet, she was thoughtful.
He kept watching her while she did her brain storming.
She sat straight now, and all her tiredness from her eyes was gone. Her eyes shone brighter! Her calm was broken as she got more restless.

"Richard, men like you deserve to be behind bars! You do not deserve freedom!"
" Men and women who know how to enjoy this small life deserve freedom young lady! And those who know to only sulk and cry over their successes need to be behind bars! They don't use their freedom to feel the joy anyway."
"I don't need to do any wrong in order to feel joy Richard!"
"But that seemed to be your contention at the start of our conversation. I remember you saying, in fact regretting just a few minutes back that all you would ever do in your life is the right thing!"

She looked at him with some hope now, " You made up all those wrongs to prove me wrong, right? You've made your point Richard! That was Smart!"
" You think I can make up wrongs just like that, one after the other, without having the intent for it?"
" If that's what you've done, or you think about ....then I must say you have a very sick mind Richard!"
" I do...why do you think I came and sat next to you?"

She gave him a very dirty look, collected her camera bag and her sandals and stood up at once, " I don't want to be dumped on my 7th month of pregnancy Richard!"
" Na....not everyone gets pregnant!", He said sheepishly.
" Bye....Hope not to see you ever again!"
" That's unfair...I told you the truth about my life to prove a point and now you run away from me? Hey, at least tell me your name."
" You don't deserve to know it!"
"Alright....You don't run away, I'll move myself from here!" He got up and handed her his card, "you can keep my card. Come drop in my restaurant sometimes. We serve good food and play good music at nights! Your friends might enjoy it! And don't worry, I'm not in a habit of stalking girls...though I'm sure that's a pretty good 'wrong' too, what say? I could add it in my cart of wrongs,huh? Ta ta....take care you beautiful photographer ,doctor ,gold medalist, righteous lady! wow! That was long...real long......"
He smiled and jogged away in the other direction.

Veronica looked in his direction till he was out of sight. She wanted to make sure he was well on his way and not following her. She suddenly realized how stupid she had been to come on the beach by taking the anti depressants! She had been so stupid to take those pills in the first place. Suddenly, the world felt like a better place to her. She had been not keeping well for over a month now, ever since she heard the news of her marriage being fixed. She did not understand why she was not keeping well all this time? Who had grilled this thought process in her head?

"Hey Vero,everything alright?" asked Kristi who was holding hands with James.
" Nice to see every thing's fine on your side Kristi!"
" We have finally agreed to get married by the end of this year!"Announced James!
"Oh really? Wow! Congratulations you guys! That's great news!" Veronica hugged and wished Kristi and James.
" Who was that cute guy you were talking to?" Kristi had noticed.
"Some restaurant owner." Veronica looked down at the card in her hands, it read -, "Adv. Richard!"
James: " advocate huh?......so what did you two argue about?" 

"Oh well! Wait a minute........." Veronica turned back to see if she could spot Richard. He was gone. She looked down at the card again, Adv. Richard! Now she realized where the list of "wrongs" came from so naturally.....He did not have to think much. It was probably what he was hearing, seeing and reading all the time.

His number was there on the card, She smiled!

Kristi: "Tell me bride-to- be, what did you argue with that lawyer?"

"Oh ..." Veronica was still lost in thought, going over their conversation in her head, " We discussed the 'Rights' and 'The Wrongs' of life!"

James: "You mean you discussed the law?"

Veronica smiled, "yeah we discussed the law. Anyway, lets get back to our rooms, its getting hotter!"

Veronica , Kristi and James headed back to their hotel. veronica turned a couple of times to see if there was any sign of Richard. there was none. "Hey we could come to his restaurant for dinner tonight!"
 The plan was made! She couldn't wait to meet him again!


Her head was telling her,"The choice is always in our hands! Life is what we make of it!"

The Day My God Died...

 "Who do you want to be when you grow up?"

Asked my teacher, Miss Anita in the class that day.
Everybody raised their hands.

Deepika said she wants to be a teacher.
Roshni wants to be a tailor.
Josna wants to be a housewife like her mother.

And then it was my turn.
" I want to fly a plane!"
Anita teacher looked at me for a long time.
"Who told you you can fly a plane?"

I did not know someone had to tell me who I should be...so I looked at the other girls starring at me now and some of them were giggling under their breaths.

"I see a plane flying every day. Mum tells me someone makes it fly and they are sitting in there.....I want to fly it some day!"

Anita teacher now smiled. " You will.....but you have to work very hard for it...study a lot........only then you can fly it!"

I nodded in excitement! All I heard her say was..." You will!"

I dreamt about it the whole time in school and I was still dreaming when I was on that bus to take me home. There was a landslide and the road was blocked. Our bus was stranded. Since the entire area is hilly, these things are quite common. I was very thirsty then and saw two ladies with a bottle of water. They saw me looking at them and offered me the water.

I drank it.
..............
..............
..............


Dreams.......they are made up of so much  unreality, made up of so many lies....
Dreams they say do come true if you really try hard.....
Dreams....I was riding on...
The highest dreams I had amongst them all.....
Then why.....??
Why me lord??
...............
...............
...............


I woke up in a dark room that had one window, but that too was closed.
The room was dirty and unkept and gave a foul smell.
For a while I felt disoriented...I could not distinguish between my reality or whether I was still dreaming.....Is it this dark inside the plane? I wondered!

I crawled to the door and knocked on it.
After 5 minutes a dark woman opened the door. I had never seen her before.
She helped me stand, and she inspected me.

"How old are you?"
"10"
"Okay."

She held my hand and brought me outside the room. It was almost a drag. But I was confused, why was this woman being so harsh on me?

She opened another door. There was a bed in that room.
"Are you hungry?" She asked.
"Yes."
"Then do what he asks you to do. Only then you will get food. Understand?"

......................
......................
......................

That was just the first amongst many of the warnings I got  there......and within a day the warnings were followed by beatings and kicking, and if that was not enough burning cigarettes were put on my skin to burn me slowly!


I wouldn't do what the uncle's asked me to do....
I wouldn't do what the old aunties asked me to do...
I wouldn't budge.....
I did not know what part of the world I was in,
I did not understand the language they spoke in.

My "No" had no meaning to them,
My "Dreams" were starting to lose their meaning to me,
The stripping, the rapes, My screams, My pain,
All lost its meaning day by day,

If there is god, as my mum said, I want to ask him," What was my fault?"
If there is god, I want to know, why he can't hear my prayers and my calls?
I want to know why my feathers were chopped off so harshly even before I could fly?
I want to know why should I only have to cry?

*************************************************************************

"The Day My God Died!" is a documentary I found on youtube while reading about girl trafficking. The stories of the young girls, in this case Nepalese girls trafficked to Mumbai are horrifying , terrifying!

I know that most of us watch or read about such stories by completely disconnecting "Our" lives from "theirs"!

Because we've had secure childhood,
Because we have our parents always protecting us,
Because we have the money and the education,
Because we belong to a particular family,caste .......

We think we are superior, untouched by the filth that surrounds us.

"Oh those Prostitutes.....they are the black sheep of the female species!",
" Those women are so cheap!"....

Most of us have seen at least 1 standing at a road side, or walking on a road at midnight in some part of the city,sometime.

"They do it because they enjoy it!" .....

Is it really?

Please watch the video and decide for yourself where our human civilization is heading and what are we doing about it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BV5W6F4L5i8&feature=relatedhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BV5W6F4L5i8&feature=related

Hush Hush Darling!

They  sat outside the ICU the whole evening, there was nothing else to do but wait!

Shreya cried continuously, " I just don't understand what gets into her? Did we do something wrong while bringing her up?"

He had no answers to her questions or to the questions of his own mind...... " You know what is happening , don't you? Don't pretend! The more you pretend, the more they will suffer!"

He pushed aside his thoughts and tried to think straight, but he couldn't......his mind was continuously forcing him to go back in time and remember.....continuously forcing him to dig into his memories and answer.

" Darling, you love me don't you?"

He heard a whisper in his ears and he shuddered, he looked around and brushed his right shoulder as if someone had touched him ...Shreya watched Sandeep suddenly looking around " What happened?"

"Nothing!"

" Then why are you looking around?"

" It's nothing......"

........

.......

.......

Engineering College - Year 1978

Rohit, munching on a Samosa, " Did you check out that new girl in Electronics? Hot Property Boss!"

Sandeep took a puff from his cigarette and watched her walk by.

Suresh smiled looking at Sandeep, " So are you going to do something about her or not?"

Sandeep watched for a long time without saying a word. When he had finished his cigarette and his thinking he got up and went after the girl.

The other two laughed!

......

......

......

Shreya watched Niki with tearful eyes as she lay lifeless in her hospital bed. Niki had been such a bubbly and an enthusiastic girl, always topping her class, intelligent and frank. They always shared a beautiful mother daughter relationship until a few years back. Suddenly her personality had started changing. Her beautiful baby doll had turned into a sick old tired angry desperate girl! Shreya blamed herself for Niki's condition...."How didn't I see she needed me? Where was I ? How did she slip out of my hands, so fast, so suddenly that I could not even catch her till she was completely lost?"

.........

........

........

Kavita was not exactly a girl you would call sober! She was a complete Maverick. She smoked, she abused and she did drugs! But she was also the topper in her class, did her engineering and helped her dad in his Real estate business...she knew more about cars and buildings than the Mechanical and Civil engineering students  and she knew more about Indian Culture , philosophy and spirituality than anybody else on the campus. In short, she was a genius! A kind never seen in this college and in this society before! But with great brains came great Ego, the kind  no man could tolerate. And so every boy and every man on the campus spoke of her to be a "Bitch" and a "Slut" , and women on the campus, out of sheer wonder for this woman but having no guts to speak for her ,followed suit with the man and labeled her as The bad girl of the Engineering College!

.............

...........

...........

It was Niki's 20th Birthday. Her family and close friends were all gathered around the table. She cut the cake and took out a slice and fed it to her papa and the little cream that was left on his lips, she licked it, " You like that don't you darling?"

Shreya and the rest of the family and friends watched in shock!

Sandeep looked into those eyes, full of passion, full of longing.....he pushed her away immediately, " This can't be my daughter! She can't!"

 One moment after that, Niki collapsed.

..........

...........

..........

Sandeep had many girl friends but he had never been in love.

Kavita was like a breath of fresh air. She was smart, intelligent and a whole person.

Sandeep had known Kavita for over 8 months now. And contrary to many people's opinion, Sandeep knew that Kavita was not the whore the whole world thought she was. In fact Kavita had a pure soul , she was much better than the other girls who showed themselves to be very chaste and simple and pure.

" You don't fit in this society Kavita. You have no idea what they think about you and talk of you.... they won't let you live here."

" I've survived so far, haven't I?"

" that's because you are still in college. as you grow older things are going to get tougher for you.........this attitude is not acceptable by them.... they...."

" Hush Sandeep...Shoooo"... She lifted him palm and kissed him..." I'll be fine!"

" I don't trust them with you Kavita......I want to be there for you forever. Promise me you will never leave me Kavita. I will protect you, I will guard you...When I am around they will never be able to do anything to you...."

Kavita's eyes filled with tears , " Sandeep...nobody has ever said anything that beautiful to me so far."

He held her close and kissed her on her forehead.

Only they both knew what they felt for each other.

For the rest of the wold, it was a dirty joke.

.........

.........

........

The doctor came out after the examination.

" I need to speak to both of you about Niki and something about her behavior. The way she has attacked herself in a very cold and ruthless manner goes to show that she was mentally disturbed! The wounds are deep. How has she been in the past couple of years? did you see some signs, some changes? Anything at all? anything other than her birthday incident?"

" Yes....for the past couple of months she has been getting a bit...what to say....bold in her ways with Sandeep...., isn't it Sandeep? I think she is behaving weird around men, not just Sandeep as such..."

Doctor cut her short, " What do you mean by bold with Sandeep?"

" Do you remember what she did on the dining table that day Sandeep? We were having dinner together as always and I was asking her something....I don't remember what now, and Niki was constantly looking at Sandeep, in a weird way, very bold, seductive like, you know?"

" Hmm... I see.....so didn't you talk to her about it?"

" Doctor, we thought this is all a part of growing up....I thought she's growing up a bit too soon into a woman! And you know with the kind of exposure you see on Television, youngsters are getting disoriented with their sexuality! I really lost my mind that day.... I slapped her......I did not know what else to do with her!"

" You slapped her?"

..............

..............

.................

They were running through the hospital corridor. Kavita lay on the stretcher, her neck bleeding, clothes tattered........Sandeep held her hand. 

His worst fears had come true!

Kavita had been victimised by this society.

She was raped by  6 boys for 2 days. Her throat was slit and her body thrown on a distant hill. A group of trekkers had discovered her body a few hours after she was thrown there. 

Surprisingly, she was breathing and conscious.

Now lying in that stretcher, she looked constantly at Sandeep.......and he felt defeated, he felt helpless, he had failed...he had not been able to protect her.....he was responsible for her condition!

Just when they reached the operation theater, Kavita breathed her last.......She died looking at him, she died in his hands!

................

...............

...............

" I feel so guilty for slapping her!" 

" Sandeep, I need to ask you , any other incidents you can think of which Shreya might have not noticed?"

Sandeep was lost in his reverie.

" Mr Sandeep...... are you listening?"

...........

.............

.............

The doctor approached Shreya.

" Shreya, I think we need to talk."

They were both seated in his consulting.

The doctor was taking more than necessary efforts to make Shreya comfortable. He asked her if she wanted water, if the A/C temperature had to be adjusted. She knew what she was about to hear was not pleasant. She stopped him,

" Doctor, please tell me what it is......and please tell me directly! Don't beat around the bush."

He sighed.

" Yes! I've to tell you clearly, that is the only way........... you do know that this is not just about Niki."

Shreya was a bit confused.

"What do you mean?"

" Shreya........Sandeep is mentally ill....he is delusional!"

Shreya felt a sudden jolt.

"Your husband is the reason your daughter has Dissociative Identity Disorder or in other words Split personality.

Niki has been continuously abused by Sandeep from her childhood, that is the reason she took  a new identity, that of a woman. Bold, Seductive and Confidant!

Now you can not say that Sandeep wanted to hurt her intentionally, in fact he loves her a lot. But in her he sees his past girl friend "Kavita". So to him, he's only loving Kavita.

And Niki plays Kavita, or whatever that she thinks Kavita is , from his abstract descriptions of her!

Sandeep has never been able to get over Kavita's death.You know she was raped and murdered.......You do know about Kavita right?"

Shreya was numb.

" Shreya, you need to talk about this......for better understanding."

" I don't understand Doctor."

" What?"

" I was Sandeep's girlfriend from engineering days, I have been his first girl friend. Kavita was my name before marriage. But he hated it so I changed it to Shreya .......... I remember There was an incident of a rape and murder in our college days that had become a big scandal ........"

"Did Sandeep know the girl?"

" No. I don't think so. Sandeep has always been a very shy guy. He doesn't talk much, as you must have noticed. He never spoke to any other girl besides me......."

" I see....do you know anything else about that incident?"

" Nothing much....except the girl's name .............. Nikita!"

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