Hush Hush Darling!

They  sat outside the ICU the whole evening, there was nothing else to do but wait!

Shreya cried continuously, " I just don't understand what gets into her? Did we do something wrong while bringing her up?"

He had no answers to her questions or to the questions of his own mind...... " You know what is happening , don't you? Don't pretend! The more you pretend, the more they will suffer!"

He pushed aside his thoughts and tried to think straight, but he couldn't......his mind was continuously forcing him to go back in time and remember.....continuously forcing him to dig into his memories and answer.

" Darling, you love me don't you?"

He heard a whisper in his ears and he shuddered, he looked around and brushed his right shoulder as if someone had touched him ...Shreya watched Sandeep suddenly looking around " What happened?"

"Nothing!"

" Then why are you looking around?"

" It's nothing......"

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Engineering College - Year 1978

Rohit, munching on a Samosa, " Did you check out that new girl in Electronics? Hot Property Boss!"

Sandeep took a puff from his cigarette and watched her walk by.

Suresh smiled looking at Sandeep, " So are you going to do something about her or not?"

Sandeep watched for a long time without saying a word. When he had finished his cigarette and his thinking he got up and went after the girl.

The other two laughed!

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Shreya watched Niki with tearful eyes as she lay lifeless in her hospital bed. Niki had been such a bubbly and an enthusiastic girl, always topping her class, intelligent and frank. They always shared a beautiful mother daughter relationship until a few years back. Suddenly her personality had started changing. Her beautiful baby doll had turned into a sick old tired angry desperate girl! Shreya blamed herself for Niki's condition...."How didn't I see she needed me? Where was I ? How did she slip out of my hands, so fast, so suddenly that I could not even catch her till she was completely lost?"

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Kavita was not exactly a girl you would call sober! She was a complete Maverick. She smoked, she abused and she did drugs! But she was also the topper in her class, did her engineering and helped her dad in his Real estate business...she knew more about cars and buildings than the Mechanical and Civil engineering students  and she knew more about Indian Culture , philosophy and spirituality than anybody else on the campus. In short, she was a genius! A kind never seen in this college and in this society before! But with great brains came great Ego, the kind  no man could tolerate. And so every boy and every man on the campus spoke of her to be a "Bitch" and a "Slut" , and women on the campus, out of sheer wonder for this woman but having no guts to speak for her ,followed suit with the man and labeled her as The bad girl of the Engineering College!

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It was Niki's 20th Birthday. Her family and close friends were all gathered around the table. She cut the cake and took out a slice and fed it to her papa and the little cream that was left on his lips, she licked it, " You like that don't you darling?"

Shreya and the rest of the family and friends watched in shock!

Sandeep looked into those eyes, full of passion, full of longing.....he pushed her away immediately, " This can't be my daughter! She can't!"

 One moment after that, Niki collapsed.

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Sandeep had many girl friends but he had never been in love.

Kavita was like a breath of fresh air. She was smart, intelligent and a whole person.

Sandeep had known Kavita for over 8 months now. And contrary to many people's opinion, Sandeep knew that Kavita was not the whore the whole world thought she was. In fact Kavita had a pure soul , she was much better than the other girls who showed themselves to be very chaste and simple and pure.

" You don't fit in this society Kavita. You have no idea what they think about you and talk of you.... they won't let you live here."

" I've survived so far, haven't I?"

" that's because you are still in college. as you grow older things are going to get tougher for you.........this attitude is not acceptable by them.... they...."

" Hush Sandeep...Shoooo"... She lifted him palm and kissed him..." I'll be fine!"

" I don't trust them with you Kavita......I want to be there for you forever. Promise me you will never leave me Kavita. I will protect you, I will guard you...When I am around they will never be able to do anything to you...."

Kavita's eyes filled with tears , " Sandeep...nobody has ever said anything that beautiful to me so far."

He held her close and kissed her on her forehead.

Only they both knew what they felt for each other.

For the rest of the wold, it was a dirty joke.

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The doctor came out after the examination.

" I need to speak to both of you about Niki and something about her behavior. The way she has attacked herself in a very cold and ruthless manner goes to show that she was mentally disturbed! The wounds are deep. How has she been in the past couple of years? did you see some signs, some changes? Anything at all? anything other than her birthday incident?"

" Yes....for the past couple of months she has been getting a bit...what to say....bold in her ways with Sandeep...., isn't it Sandeep? I think she is behaving weird around men, not just Sandeep as such..."

Doctor cut her short, " What do you mean by bold with Sandeep?"

" Do you remember what she did on the dining table that day Sandeep? We were having dinner together as always and I was asking her something....I don't remember what now, and Niki was constantly looking at Sandeep, in a weird way, very bold, seductive like, you know?"

" Hmm... I see.....so didn't you talk to her about it?"

" Doctor, we thought this is all a part of growing up....I thought she's growing up a bit too soon into a woman! And you know with the kind of exposure you see on Television, youngsters are getting disoriented with their sexuality! I really lost my mind that day.... I slapped her......I did not know what else to do with her!"

" You slapped her?"

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They were running through the hospital corridor. Kavita lay on the stretcher, her neck bleeding, clothes tattered........Sandeep held her hand. 

His worst fears had come true!

Kavita had been victimised by this society.

She was raped by  6 boys for 2 days. Her throat was slit and her body thrown on a distant hill. A group of trekkers had discovered her body a few hours after she was thrown there. 

Surprisingly, she was breathing and conscious.

Now lying in that stretcher, she looked constantly at Sandeep.......and he felt defeated, he felt helpless, he had failed...he had not been able to protect her.....he was responsible for her condition!

Just when they reached the operation theater, Kavita breathed her last.......She died looking at him, she died in his hands!

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" I feel so guilty for slapping her!" 

" Sandeep, I need to ask you , any other incidents you can think of which Shreya might have not noticed?"

Sandeep was lost in his reverie.

" Mr Sandeep...... are you listening?"

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The doctor approached Shreya.

" Shreya, I think we need to talk."

They were both seated in his consulting.

The doctor was taking more than necessary efforts to make Shreya comfortable. He asked her if she wanted water, if the A/C temperature had to be adjusted. She knew what she was about to hear was not pleasant. She stopped him,

" Doctor, please tell me what it is......and please tell me directly! Don't beat around the bush."

He sighed.

" Yes! I've to tell you clearly, that is the only way........... you do know that this is not just about Niki."

Shreya was a bit confused.

"What do you mean?"

" Shreya........Sandeep is mentally ill....he is delusional!"

Shreya felt a sudden jolt.

"Your husband is the reason your daughter has Dissociative Identity Disorder or in other words Split personality.

Niki has been continuously abused by Sandeep from her childhood, that is the reason she took  a new identity, that of a woman. Bold, Seductive and Confidant!

Now you can not say that Sandeep wanted to hurt her intentionally, in fact he loves her a lot. But in her he sees his past girl friend "Kavita". So to him, he's only loving Kavita.

And Niki plays Kavita, or whatever that she thinks Kavita is , from his abstract descriptions of her!

Sandeep has never been able to get over Kavita's death.You know she was raped and murdered.......You do know about Kavita right?"

Shreya was numb.

" Shreya, you need to talk about this......for better understanding."

" I don't understand Doctor."

" What?"

" I was Sandeep's girlfriend from engineering days, I have been his first girl friend. Kavita was my name before marriage. But he hated it so I changed it to Shreya .......... I remember There was an incident of a rape and murder in our college days that had become a big scandal ........"

"Did Sandeep know the girl?"

" No. I don't think so. Sandeep has always been a very shy guy. He doesn't talk much, as you must have noticed. He never spoke to any other girl besides me......."

" I see....do you know anything else about that incident?"

" Nothing much....except the girl's name .............. Nikita!"

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