Level 2 HMI- Trek to the Base camp at 14,600ft

A word before you read this post:

The complaints are going to be on a rise from here, because that was how things had started shaping up. Yes we had fun and all that, but the truth remains that this is an extremely difficult course, mentally and physically. And the older you are, and the less prepared you go here, the more issues you will face...like it happened in my case!

I don't intend painting a negative picture. But this is the way it happened, the unedited censored version!




The bus took us to Yuksum at 5600 ft ( Sikkim) on 14th April. "Yuk" means Lamas and "sum" means three. It is the land of 3 lamas. The first capital of Sikkim. It was approximately a 9 hour bus journey from Darjeeling. It is this small quiet village that opens several routes to some of the best trekking routes in India. We girls were accomodated in a small room with decent toilets close by.

The boys complained to us  that what girls have got is Taj Exotica in comparison to the "Tabela" (Horse shed) that they had to sleep in.

Day 1 trek from Yuksum to Bakhim ( 11 kms)

We started trekking at 7.30 am and reached Bakhim at around 1.30 pm. It was quite a climb I thought, with the heavy backpack and all. I was wrong. The real heavy climb was from Bakhim to Dzongri on day 3, more on that later.

On the way to Bakhim, Sharvani started feeling sick, so she stopped. She wanted to take a day's rest but that is not allowed on this course. For a while I wanted to go back with her, because we had discussed and planned this trip together, I couldn't think of going ahead alone. But the instructors shooed me away . And she just said a firm , "Janaki, Go!" And I continued climbing without looking back , not knowing why I was climbing, not even paying attention to the terrain which was getting difficult! The rest of the climb  was a blur. I was tired and exhausted by the time I reached Bakhim, but more than that I was praying that maybe something works out and Sharvani is allowed to climb the next day.

Day 2: Bakhim: 9000ft:   was an acclimatisation day because we were  at 9000 ft and this is officially high altitude. We had a small trek to get us warmed up but the rest of the day was free. While on this trek the Chief Instructor told me that Sharvani was climbing today- and I was glad!

Bakhim is where I got to know my course mates a bit better because there was a formal introduction class. I realised how different all of us were. Someone didn't have the money to pay for this course, someone else had resigned to be here, someone fought with his boss , someone dreamt of climbing Mt Everest, others wanted to do some expedition. 

I knew this guy called "Joy Bhattacharjee" was around....but I got to know him better from this day forward because yes, we ended up climbing together most of the times. And in this introduction class he made this classic statement, "Mein kisibhi tarah se yeh course complete karunga Sir! Chad te hue nahi hua toh rengte hue upar tak jaunga!" The class burst out laughing, but I admired his courage to say and ask some of the most ridiculous things throughout the course! Joy , truly became the Joy of 301 BMC HMI batch! He told one of the Instructors that he would surely come for the Advance course, and the Instructor replied saying, "Joy is the secret of my Head ache!" And the rest of the instructors said in unison, "Our headache!" He has some of the best punchlines and the funniest hindi accent I've heard in recent times. The things he did made me laugh in the face of some of the most difficult times I faced at this course, and for that I am thankful to him. He got on to my nerves, I fought with him several times, but he came around and I couldn't help but smile. On the last day Joy gave all of his favourite buddies a group photograph we had clicked on the peak with the message, " Dear Janaki , My teacher and advisor. It is my pleasure to learn from you." I couldn't decide whether I liked him or didn't like him, but by the end of it, he made sure we liked him and we all missed him so much that we started a whatsapp group called "Joy we love".

There are so many stories of Joy, maybe if there is time I will jot them down...the story of Joy's tea cup that hit Mr. Naidu, and the story of Joy falling off the rocks, or that one where I almost fell because of Joy's mistake, and the biggest one: The rainy night, Joy and the stubborn dog!

Instructors at HMI:

Helpful, resourceful and loving! All the instructors at HMI are experts in the field, besides being extremely patient and friendly. All of them are keen on teaching and take personal interest in each student. The method of teaching varies from person to person of course, so some of them were strict. I did not get along well with one of them. And that was because of his high expectations out of HMI students and my average level of fitness.

All of us don't go to HMI with the aim of being a mountaineer! Some of us went there just to try something new. I feel, as a teacher, one must allow that space to a student to explore and find their own way around a particular problem. Like Joy commented back to this instructor when he was trying to make us walk faster, "Sir, ek din mein hum Milkha Singh thodi ban jayega?"

You can't turn a normal citizen into a mountaineer in one month's time! What you can do is inspire, teach , experiment and maybe that person feels motivated and comes around to be a mountaineer!
The question I was asking myself throughout the course was, "Is HMI the start or the end of mountaineering for me?"

The haunted Bakhim forest guest house :

Something freaky happened! The time was around 9 pm, all the girls were inside the broken room . The girls who trekked faster were given the wooden beds, we the slower crowd slept on the floor and the Kashmiri poet for some reason chose to sleep alone in the farther most corner from all of us, under the window.
Suddenly there was a scream, I was awake so I saw her sit up straight at 90 degrees and then sleep again! She later reported that she felt as  if someone sat on her chest and tried to gag her. Later , our lady instructor told us that the place was known to be haunted. Whenever there are deaths higher up in the mountains, they bring down the body and keep it at this forest house overnight, because of convenience before taking it down.

I didn't know exactly what was happening. I just heard someone read some text at night. For a moment I thought it was some voodoo or dark arts, someone was trying to cast a spell on me perhaps! I shook Deepa out of her sleep and told her what I felt. She hugged me tight and put me to sleep. ( Here onwards I could barely sleep without Deepa hugging me.)

There's this thing about altitude! The higher you go, your mind starts playing dirty games with you. We were told stories of people ( HMI ex students) who had died of Altitude mountain sickness, of how some people started hallucinating and acting crazy!

The next morning I realised that the text was actually Hanuman Chalisa , read by the Instructor because she herself was scared after the Kashmiri poet narrated her story!

Anyway, there were other strange things happening....like our clothes which were drenched in sweat  that we had kept for drying had turned all wet the next morning like someone had poured water on them. Suspicion and doubt was lurking all around and tempers were running high!

Bakhim to Dzongri- 12,000 ft

I have never been this exhausted my whole life! This trek is a constant climb of 7 hours! I was completely and totally screwed after 4 hours of climbing. Thanks to Nikhil and Puri and some others who helped me in every possible way to push ahead. Without the help of all these people, I would never have completed the course. It took much more than just my strength or motivation or will power to get this done. I learnt a major lesson in the role that people play in our lives. Our lives are never ours alone- so true!

24 x 7 surveillance:

It is a bit irritating to know that the instructors are watching you every moment. How you behave with others, how you trek, do you take help from others, what is your temperament like! My body and my mind was under tremendous pressure, on top of that there were issues with some other participants or the lady instructor who didn't treat us well. It was difficult to understand how to behave in such an environment. 
There was one particularly difficult patch, and I was taking help from someone. At that very moment, the Bengali woman passes me by and says, "Janaki, don't take help frm (xyz), sir ne dekh liya toh grade affect ho jayegi!"
I shot her a dirty look and said in konkani, "I'll shove the grade up your ass!"
From that moment on, whenever anyone spoke of the grade, we konkani's would say this dialogue  and laught out loud. It calmed us down and made us feel good about ourselves. I know it wasn't the best thing to do, but come on ,we were struggling to get through every single day and all that some people could think of is the grade! Typical mentality of Indians I should say!

Arguments with Instructor:

That same Instructor I didn't get along well with asked me why I even bothered coming for this course.
Well! When I want to learn something, I go and get it and I don't let anybody interfere with my need to learn . Everyone is not born with the same abilities and all of us are not designed to be experts! Just because I am a weak student does not mean I am the least interested one. I am observing and learning, I am alive and yes I have an opinion about you too, just the way you are forming opinions about me.
No! I did not say this out loud to him that day. But I did say this to him the day we were coming down from Dzongri. I asked him for help and he refused. I was feeling extremely weak that day, perhaps if he was being positive towards me and had encouraged me I would have pushed myself ahead. But when someone mistreats you continuously, it is hard to co operate with them. That day I fainted! I realised that  it was my mind refusing to co operate with him, and telling me not to listen to him.

I made a promise to myself a few years ago when someone mistreated me, that I would NEVER EVER let anyone do that to me again! Whether it is my Boss, parents or teachers- NOBODY absolutely has a right to judge me from their prism of context and treat me the way they like! I would be treated the way I like!

When I look back at that day, I know that I refused him as my instructor! I refused to be mistreated! I refused to stand up! I stood by my promise and for that I am proud of myself!  He told me later that it was shameful to faint, how will others think of you? You are weak!

Why would I bother what other's think of me?
I know what I think of myself, and that single incident went down to teach him a good lesson later. 



At this point, the constant struggle got to me. The question to ask was, 99% of the people at HMI are sweet , am I going to spoil my experience because of this remaining 1%?

No way!



Photo Credits:

Rohit Arora
Deepa Bhat

How I cracked Level 1 & the people at HMI

Apart from these wonderful girls I had as my roomies, there was another thing that helped me crack level 1!
My Rope- Rope 2!

In HMI, people are put in groups (Ropes! Why they call it a rope is because in mountaineering , a rope is a lifeline). They make sure you and your friends don't end up in the same rope. So myself Vignesh and Sharvani belonged to separate ropes and the Konkani clan was also carefully divided. Mostly every rope had only one girl member.

My Rope leader was the senior most participant (by age). There was one army jawaan, one guy from Haryana, 2 from Mumbai, 1 from Darjeeling and 1 Bengali guy. During rock climbing, my rope members helped and encouraged me so much that I knew that if not for me, I had to complete the given task for them. I had issues with the army jawaan though. There were 4 of them in the whole course who passed dirty comments and gave dirty looks to girls. Initially I tried getting to know them by talking to them, trying to make them understand my part of the story. Then I started keeping my distance. And towards the end when I heard them commenting on me, I commented back. Loud & clear!

Most of us girls are very protected in our sweet lives, and it is hard for us to understand why some men hate some women so much! These guys ( all from Haryana- and yes this experience has made me draw adverse conclusions about Haryana ) - most of them married, hated to see us girls talk and laugh and have a good time with other men.

What we consider as "normal behaviour" , they consider it as "Cheap behaviour".
I had a conversation with one of them about the clothes that modern women choose to wear and he said that if he sees any woman wear short clothes , he will pick her up! Because she is asking for it! And this man comes from the army and is married. Well forget his marriage but he definitely defamed the Indian Army there!

For me, more than mountaineering, this was an opportunity to understand my own country. Because in no other course would I meet such a diverse crowd.
Here are some of the types of people I met at the course:

1. Those who talked too much: There was too much unsolicited advice. Unnecessary discussions and debates.
2. Those who didn't  understand the meaning of "My space" Or giving others "Their space".
3. Those who looked for approval from others: "I want to be liked by everyone around me". "I want them to perceive me as a good person".
4. Those who only think of Competition.
5. Those who looked at women as objects! These were also the one's who thought they have a say in "How a woman should behave".
6. Those who have safely parked themselves in a parallel universe!
7. Hard core mountaineering folks: We eat mountains. We sleep mountains. We talk mountains.
8. Those who knew how to use others and get their work done.
9. Those who indulged in stealing other's food.
10. Moody unstable characters.
11. Intellectuals. Spritual. Deep thinkers.
12. Singers.
13. Fashion crazy folks.
14. Dopers & smokers!
15. The quiet "I mind my own business, you mind your's!" folks.


So now you do know what I was doing most of my time at the course!
I was thinking, observing, feeling and living it up!
Yes I was also learning about mountaineering, but this question and answer session in my mind which was triggered by all these people I met was the centre of my focus!

Due to all my thinking, I didn't get close to anyone in particular in level 1. I preferred my music over the company of people. Besides my "Me Time" is of supreme importance and I guarded it.

Level 2 is where I learnt to keep my thoughts aside and experience people!

Like Deepa put it, " People that sleep together and poop together are the one's that stick together!"

Whenever I attend any courses, there is one person  that I completely connect to. In this course that person was Deepa. It wasn't love at first sight ( we both are straight unfortunately!) In fact she and Akshata were so close all the time, and I was so lost in my thoughts that we both didn't cross each other's territories. On the 3rd night I announced I am going home. Deepa jumped on my bed ( god knows from where) and convinced me not to go. She hugged me, held my face and didn't let go until I said the words, "I won't go". When Deepa finally let go I looked at Sharvani who smiled gently (in her usual style) and said, "Chill!"

And so I stayed !

The story of the mysteriously rising blood pressure!

I was nervous about HMI from the day I applied for it.

My heartbeat started acting funny from the moment I read the board "Himalayan Mountaineering Institute"
Vignesh said, "This is it!"
Sharvani said, "The moment of truth"!

After we registered our names, we were allotted our room. Room No. 8 on 2nd floor. We were given a spoon, a cup and a thick (mattress looking) blanket. I laid it on my bed  like a mattress carefully, until another girl laughed at me and told me it was a blanket!

When put in an unfamiliar environment, the first thing any person would do is find something familiar and stick to it! Sharvani and I were by each other so I wasn't alone, but our strength grew to four when we met Akshata and Madhura from Mumbai. Yes we Goans are very comfortable with Maharashtrians, next state as it is! Neighbours! But that wasn't the only reason. We soon found out that all 4 of us spoke some version of Konkani and belonged to the same community! Quickly a circle of trust was formed.

Some time later entered another girl with a huge backpack. We looked at her suspiciously. She walked in confidently, and smiled at us. "Hi I am Deepa from Mumbai!"
"Great!" all of us were relieved. We introduced ourselves, and "Chamatkaar" , she also was a konkani and belonged to the same community!

Now I know what most of you may be thinking. That we are racist, typical, orthodox! Actually none of us really care about our community, or the language for that matter.The reason we bonded was because:
We DID NOT BITCH about each other!
And we DID NOT PRETEND we were something else!


Anyway, there were only 11 girls in a batch of 64!
You can imagine the kind of attention we girls enjoyed!

Apart from the konkani clan (5), there was the Ladakhi Squad : made up of 3 strong, sweet and warm young girls who I absolutely adored! One Bengali, 1 beautiful Kashmiri poet and a senior woman from Mumbai.

Konkani clan & the compatibility:
To say the least the konkani clan and the bengali woman had issues every single day! We just couldn't get along. It's not necessary that one should get along with everyone....right? This was one of those cases. I know it is unfair to pitch one girl against 5! But she managed to give all 5 of us quite a tough time!

The Ladakhi squad kept to themselves and we loved them! These women were strong , very strong in comparison to us who came from the plains. They ran on the rocks, never seemed to get tired, were helpful, always smiling and genuine.

The Kashmiri woman was quiet and clever. I got along with her because we both wrote and searched for time and place where we could be left alone with our book and pen. I think she is what we all imagine Kashmiri women to be and more! She is beautiful of course and strong! Physically , mentally and emotionally! And for a young woman ( I won't disclose her age, but she is much younger to me), the qualities that she displayed were extra ordinary!

The senior woman was a source of inspiration and many times her endurance put us to shame!

I feel ,We as Konkani's are  politically smart. We weren't that strong physically, but we learnt the tricks of the trade that could help us survive.
I think Bengali's are extremely competitive.
Ladakhi's are truly genuine.
And Kashmiri's are clever!

Day 1:

While all these groups were being formed in the backdrop, the other course activities kept rolling. One of them was an appointment with the Medical Officer (MO) who checked our blood pressure.


I was doubtful of my ability to cope up with this course right from the beginning, I just didn't expect it to show up on the machine! (Tension version 1.0)
My pressure was horribly high and was noted down in red  along with 13 others.
I was told  I would be kept under observation for the next few days and if the blood pressure doesn't come down to normal , would be asked to leave and go home! ( Tension version 2.0)
"Being sent home because you cannot cope up" is at least better because you know you  tried.
But going back home without getting a chance to try , was a heartbreaking thought!

Day 2 : Rock Climbing 

( I was stuck on this surface for 20 minutes during jumaring. I couldn't pull myself up and since this was during the later half of the course, the instructor refused to help me. Me & Robin sir had a funny conversation here with me trying to convince him to pull me up and he telling me that he would leave me like that the whole night!)

I realized I had fears I wasn't aware of. I had attempted rock climbing back in school and never feared heights. But this time when I had to climb, I was shit scared! I couldn't trust my strength, or trust the fact that the ropes would hold me when I fall, or trust the Instructors who were experts in their field, or trust my shoes to give me enough support!

The first day at rock climbing site was filled with me dangling in uncomfortable positions on the rocks,  hitting different parts of my body against rough edgy  surfaces. I was bruised and in pain, and wondering whether being sent home would be a blessing in disguise. End of that day I had to report to the MO again to check the pressure! " It's still quite high! Come back again tomorrow!" (Tension version 3.0)

This was torture!
Here on whatever I was doing, I could feel the tension building up consistently. I could no longer crack a joke, or laugh at one or mingle with people. I was desperate to find a way to cool down. I listened to music, wrote my diary, but no!

Day 3: Equipment Introduction class

The only thing I remember hearing in that class was, "You will carry 16 kgs of backpack!!!!!!!"   ----> tension version 4.0

[Alert ! Danger! Danger!]

I could literally feel my entire system go into an emergency mode!

Wasn't I aware of this when I signed up for the course?
No! I hadn't done my research.

Wasn't I aware of this after I signed up for the course?
Yes! Different people told me different stories about BMC and HMI. They said you get perfect training to be porters! They said it was hard, very hard! I was painfully aware of the uphill task I had voluntarily signed up for. That is why I was so scared, but I couldn't back out without trying.

That evening when I went to check my pressure, I met the Nursing Assistant (NA). I opened up to him and told him I am horribly tensed because I was scared! He asked me to calm down, gave me time to sit in the medical room and get comfortable with it and then checked my pressure. It had come down a bit! But not much. I still had to report to him the next day. 

By then I didn't know what version of tension I was on. The only thing I knew was I couldn't handle it anymore! On the way back from the medical room I met Mr. Puri, our course senior. He would always come to give moral support to the 13 of us who had to make rounds to the MO. The moment he asked "what was it?" I started to cry. There is this thing about me and tears. I cry and I cannot control that urge.

Until then I knew Mr. Puri only as our course senior. After this incident and the way he calmed me down and stood by me for the rest of the course, we became good friends. I could go to him with any issue and he never dismissed the smallest of the complaints as being trivial.

These type of courses really show you what sort of a person you are! Usually people say that these courses show you what others are. But why should I be bothered more about strangers I meet at a course than knowing myself better?

A man and a woman being good friends never goes down well with anybody. So was the case with me and Puri. I needed him and I am not amongst those to back out because of what others feel. This was a mixed course, and we girls were being paired up with the guys we were seen with. It felt like we were back to college. I enjoyed every moment of this. Yes it really freaked me out sometimes , especially because there were other worries. But otherwise, this people gossiping about us thing never bothered me much.

Since he is a Navy officer, and some others knew him, they came and told me stories of him. Bad stories of course, stories that would make any girl back off from such a horrible man! But I hadn't gone to HMI to find a "Husband" for myself, or to fall in love. [ These things are the side effects of such courses] but not the aim. I told Puri what was being told to me and we discussed the situation and both of us were of the opinion that it is best to ignore such talk.

The day the blood pressure finally came down:

Day 4 was an "outing day" for us. So first, I got myself a nice relaxing head massage and then got myself checked by a beautiful physician in Darjeeling town. Maybe it was her beauty , I don't know but my pressure was  perfectly normal - 120/80. I made her to sign it on her letterhead, just as a proof if my pressure was still showing high at the Institute.

That evening when the pressure was checked, it was normal!

I could finally breathe!

All except 1 person was sent home because his pressure did not come down.

Now I knew for sure I would be trekking to the Base camp which was at 14,600 ft.

Level 1 of the course was cracked with  a lot of difficulty.
I decided I would take one day at a time. And I set my aims for the course:
1. No falling sick: So do the following properly:  eat, sleep , poop and drink loads of fluids!
2. No matter how you feel every single morning, get up, dress up, show up and never give up!

In my next post:
How I cracked Level 1 of the course, Getting to know your Rope, and Lectures at HMI




Please Note: I have noted the regional differences in personalities of participants as I observed during the course. It is not my intention to generalize about them. I may be wrong about the traits. But this is what makes India so diverse and difficult to comprehend! It is because people were so different that the experience was so rewarding. It was fun to observe the little fights and the little love stories!

I am not claiming that I am perfect ( I dislike perfection of any sort ), nor am I claiming that we konkani's did the right thing. We had our weaknesses, and the other's had their strength's. The fun was in watching all these different qualities clash against each other , and all of us put there in the midst of extreme weather and terrain......perfect combination for real life drama!

Basic Mountaineering course at Himalayan Mountaineering Institute and other stories- Part I - Introduction

One Basic Mountaineering course & thousands of stories!

Stories of courage, of fear, of passion, of friendships, of learning, of failing, of climbing and falling!

Stories of love & betrayal, of tears of relief and smiles of gratitude!

Stories of intense prayers, of beauty!

Stories of the mountains, of snow, of chilly winds and rocks!

Of peace, serenity!

And for me most importantly,

Of questions and answers!

People apply for this mountaineering course for several reasons!
Many  people who came there had resigned from their jobs and come to experience something different. Some wanted to explore a new sport, some to test their physical fitness, others for the love of mountains....and me?
For finding answers!

Eventually the regular life limits the learning of all the senses. Same people, similar work environment stunts the growth.
How then do I explore the different aspects of myself?
How do I push my limits?
Running on the treadmill in the gym doing better than I did yesterday aint enough.
Scoring better in that exam than my friends aint satisfying!
I wanted something that I feared, something I wasn't sure of myself in, something that tested me every single day and made me fight with myself!

HMI wasn't my idea. It was Vignesh's!
But this course was something that I had heard of in my school days and somehow missed the opportunity to attend it. So when he asked me 11 months back if I wanted to join him, I instantly said a yes.
Big plans were made about working out and preparing for it!
But none of the preparation could ever prepare me for what I was going to experience!

I was to travel to Darjeeling alone, by trains. I have never traveled so far by myself so I was nervous about it. The main question for worry was :
Are the Indian men going to harass or grope or rape me?

To tell you frankly, I was prepared for the worst!

The result?

Indian men, young and old have been more than helpful throughout the trip.
Strangers I met on the way, helped me with my luggage.
Had some interesting conversations with some young men in the trains on Indian economy, politics, Indian railways and what can be done to improve the system and education in India.

First I had Dilesh pick me up from Borivali and drop me at CST in Mumbai. I met Dilesh on Delhi airport in Feb 2014 when I was stuck in transit to Leh due to heavy snowfall! We don't know each other much, we might have spoken a few times at Delhi airport and then in Leh, got in touch through FB and a few chats on whtsapp.

In my journey from Mumbai to Kolkata, I met a young engineer from an elite Indian Institute named Nipun. The 52 hour journey passed by without me getting a chance to listen to one song on my mobile, or read one paragraph from the book I was carrying! We kept talking, laughing, sharing life stories and future plans!

When I reached Kolkata, I had Nitin to pick me up from the station. Nitin is my ex work colleague's college friend. I spoke to him just once on the phone from Goa, and spent one full day in Kolkata with him. It was a pleasure to roam the city in trams, metro , taxi's and buses with Nitin. We visited the Indian museum, ate delicious meals, did saree shopping ...well! we both bought saree's for our respective mom's and we did the city tour in the newly started AC Tram. And lastly I gorged on the delicious bengali sweets!

They say you don't fall in love twice!
They are wrong!
Over the last few months I have broken all records of falling in love!
I fell in love with Nitin while we rode the tram, and with Nipun while he intelligently got us both berths ( we were both allotted one seat- RAC 1 and had to share it.), and with many more men who helped, encouraged, motivated and loved me unconditionally!

28 days of mountaineering course was like watching several films on multiple screens around me! The adventure, drama and the excitement that started on day 1, refused to die down!

I will not mention names ( except a few), and will take creative liberty as and when needed.

Before I dive into the adventure again:

Special Thanks to:

1. HMI: For giving me the opportunity to experience mountaineering, the hospitality, learning and the love! Fantastic team there!

2. My Back up support: Parents, family, friends, bosses and office colleagues.

3. Quechua & Puma: Fantastic shoes! Miles of walking, not a single shoe bite!

4. Wet wipes: 1 month- just 2 baths! And still we walk out without diseases- thanks to wet wipes!

In tomorrow's post:

The story of  mysteriously rising blood pressure!!

Not afraid of the dark!

I am working in an AC office the whole day and am out in some remote village the whole night!

That's how my life is this month of March!

If my employer reads about this post, I might face some issues, but well...that's the truth!

I feel like a journo, sleep deprived and exhausted but excited like hell! There's this rush of feelings and energy and all I can do is just get up and go! Mamma asks me to call it a day and come home and rest for a while, and I too think, yeah man! It's getting a bit too difficult to handle! But I would hate to stop this adventure now that it has started!

A few weeks back I attended "Musal dance" at Chandor. All I get is a call , mostly from Sangam, "There's this thing happening here tonight, let's go!" "Okay let's go!" and we are on it! If my parents were those doubting types, always messing me up with "Yeh samaaj kya sochega? log kya kahenge?" questions, then this adventure of life wouldn't have been possible! 

I can't imagine my folks asking me to get home by 8 pm! 

I just can not get home by 8 pm!

All the fun starts after 8 pm!

And yes, fun doesn't mean only fun with boys, or fun with drinks! There's a lot more to the night life of Goa out there, especially in this month of March which is culturally very significant!

The interesting part is that our society does not allow their girls to explore the nights! That makes me a rare species! 

I am not afraid of the dark, and I am not afraid of roaming around at nights. That doesn't mean I am careless about my safety. I roam around with people I trust, and I do not go alone in dark corners.  But yes I do get stared at, like they are judging my character! I have been followed and groped, like that doesn't happen in the day in the middle of a crowded street in India! In fact I have been touched inappropriately in the day more often. When things like these happen I have had the courage to scream, push and kick! But these are extremely rare incidents, and when they happened they tested my courage, they taught me how to be a fighter, so yes, they were important in making me who I am!

Women in India need to stop being so afraid of the dark! It's a fear systematically created by the society. We have to go out there and see for ourselves what it is like! It's fun....it's calm, quiet and peaceful! It's almost like we live only 12 hours a day, those 12 hours which are lighted! Maybe at the most 15 hours....but after that? We are chained to our walls or our wards! Why? God gave me 24 hours a day, that includes the night! Why should I limit my freedom only to the day? 

So question! 

Find people who think alike!

Find support!

Rebel and upset your folks!

Our culture needs to change! And if that has to start, every woman needs to change!

Change does not happen by sitting quiet! And it does not happen by being "obedient"! 

We need the disobedience moment out here!

I get the "dislike" look from many elders most of the times. In fact it is extremely rare to find an elderly person who  opens his heart to me. People come with their agenda's and when they meet someone who does not sign up on their agenda they show complete displeasure!

So ,

Dear world,

My life has my agenda with it's priorities!

I know I don't make you very comfortable....but that is your problem, not mine!

Stop suppressing people and trying to control them to suit your requirements to make yourself happy!

"To make myself happy" is my fundamental right to life under article 21, as long as I don't harm anybody legally, all is well!

Don't think pointing out my mistakes makes me weak in front of you!

Like you never made any mistakes anytime!

Like you ever dared to take any chance in the first place!

I am a woman, and if you think I am weak you are mistaken! For it is only I who has been blessed with the capacity to produce a 1000 more like me! And I will make more like me.....this is just the beginning!

With love, passion and a fight (if that's the language you understand)

Janaki



And as a closing note, a quote by Napoleon Hill, " The majority of people permit relatives, friends and the public at large to so influence them that they cannot live their own lives, because they fear criticism'.

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