I lousily pack my bag, stuffing it with the school books!
My thoughts are tormenting me with thoughts......thoughts that had never touched me before, ideas that never occurred to me before.....
I am the best student in the school. The head girl, the captain of my house, the 1st ranker and the winner of various extra curricular activities!
I am the best dancer, the best orator, the best sportsman!
Then why today I feel like a total loser? .......I look around me and for the 1st time observe the other school girls.....Tina- whom I know as the math failure has been crowned a beauty queen on one TV show! Smitha, the frail looking, delicate darling is the queen of hearts of my school! My own close pal
Divya got a love letter last week..... and me? Not a single boy looks at me! They dont whistle , nor do they turn around to see me......its as if nobody cares about my intelligence, about what I do, about all my talent, all that the world sees is the external beauty!
I am a big haired, plum girl~ A thick pair of glasses decorates half my face! And my extra long clothes make me look double my size!
I want to scar my face, so that my parents will have to get a plastic surgery done on me- and I'll get a new face like Rekha from " Khoon Bhari Maang!"
Mom keeps saying, " Beta 15 is too young to go to those beauty parlors. Mahendra tell her na, those beauty treatments will spoil your face darling!"
My dad looks up from his newspaper... and smiles, " My princess! Who puts these ideas in your head, huh?"
" Everybody at school does it ma! They call me a bhalu cause I've hairy hands and bushy eyebrows! And my hair is like a bird's nest! I want to straighten it permanently. Everybody's moms let them do it....All of them go to the beauty parlors themselves and ask the saloon lady to do the treatments on their daughters, why cant you just be like the other moms? My send off is next week dad! I dont want to go there with this face!"
My dad now seriously looks at me after the hurried and emotional speech I delivered! A tiny tear rolls down my cheek...
" Okay... you... "
" Wait a min!" before my dad can complete, my mom brings up the objection....I seriously feel like banging my mom's head with a frying pan lying around me!
" We'll talk about it tonight, ok? You go to school now!"
I greet my teeth! Something inside me tells me that my wish will never be granted! But for the moment there is nothing I could do, so I choose to wait till the night!
After school, I attend my tuitions and my dance class. I haven’t been able to concentrate in anything today. Once again, I am expecting a miracle tonight! Throughout my tuitions I dreamt that my mother will be standing with a hair straightener to greet me when I get home, and my dad will be holding a big box of make up! Though I dont know where and how all that color fits one's face, but I want that Palette!
I enter my house, and over hear my mum speaking to someone on the phone.....Yes! The saloon Lady will be coming any moment!....I think to myself! As I got a little closer I hear the words clearly, “yes Mrs. Bhatia.... Please do so... You know this is causing a lot of tension for responsible parents like us. And its their 10th std, so I dont think they should get distracted because of such flimsy things! Alright Mrs. Bhatia... Thank you! Bye!"
" Why were you talking to my Principal? What did you tell her?"
" Nothing! You just chillax now, everything will be fine! Ok darling? come, I'll make something for you- What would you like today?"
" A hair straightener!" words naturally leave my mouth! She turns, Smiles and goes on with her chores as if I'd said nothing.
A big Notice on the wall greets every student the next day at school.
" Parents -teachers meeting will be held tomorrow at 5 pm, everybody's parents are expected to attend the meeting. - Only for class 10th student’s parent's- "
The next day a huge lecture is given by our Principal and some psychologist to all the parents not to encourage children of such young ages into beauty parlors. The underlining statement was - please do not follow the west blindly! Have mind over matter! Simple living high thinking!
My mother tells me a day before my send off " Now everybody will come just the way they look. Dont worry, you wont be the odd man out!"
wow! I think, Now I'll really know who's the hairiest! Who's got the most tangled unmanageable hair! That should be a lot of fun!
The day of the sendoff.
Mom drapes me in her beautiful saree, ....I go to school with high dreams, expecting to see some ahhh's and uhhh's!
My jaw is drops open at the front door itself..........Tina is wearing the most beautiful ghaghra I've ever seen in my entire life. her hair is made up in a beautiful hairstyle, her face is glittering and her lips shining with so much color...they look so inviting!
Smitha is also looking smashing, I see a lot of my class boys starring at her.. some even gave her a rose!!
Divya runs up to me..... she's clean and clear too, like everybody else! Perfect hands, perfect hair, perfect face! She's talking something to me, but I just cant hear it.....My mum betrayed me, she fooled me into believing her! She wants me to look ugly! My heart is beating so fast, i can hardly breath!
I push her away and flee that horrible school.... I walk as fast as I can in that saree, Divya for a while follows me calling my name- " what happened? wait , stop!"
" Dont follow me, get lost!"
After a while I dont hear any steps behind me. I rush straight to the bus stop, and climb into 1 of the buses!
I dont know where the bus is going......but I want to be in it. Lost in a crowd who dont know me, who dont recognize me! I lay my head on the window, the tears still coming, the thoughts still messing my head!~ I close my eyes......and I see her again, just like I see her every other night in my dreams.....She's the princess..... she's what I want to be.......
Image at victoriaantoinette.com/
everyone is the most beautiful!
ReplyDeleteDid u write this?
ReplyDeleteIt's beautiful...
@ Melisa: U r rgt! We all are beautiful!
ReplyDeleteThis story is just a reflection of what we all feel at some or the other point of time during our growing up days!
The belief in oneself, self esteem, confidence is built up later! And small issues such as these can bother us so much more when we are younger!
@ Sharvani:
ReplyDeleteYes dear, i wrote this!
Just started off writing, didnt know where really i was heading! Its a good practice to improve your free thinking , you should try it too!
:) I loved this excercise!
Really well-written. But you know what? I was kind of stumped by what I feeel was an abrupt ending. I mean .. I was expecting something entirely different! I dont know what - but not THIS :)
ReplyDelete@ Kiran : Even I wasnt really aware where the story will end, and what she'll do when she finds out that nothing has changed!
ReplyDeleteThen I thought, she's a little girl, what is the most that she will do? She's sensible and intelligent- that prevents her from taking a harsher step, at the same time she doesnt want to return home cause she's upset with her mum. Time heals all wounds, and the bus journey helps her deal with it.....in her own way!