A Conversation with my Brain.

Sweetheart, I know you are angry with me ......I did not keep my promise...

Grrrrr.............

But Times have changed,I need new information to back my knowledge base, you know....

Look,I know I'm making you do things you don't like doing.....and I'd promised you long time back I wouldn't stress you with it......but.............Hey,are you listening?

NO!

Look, I really need you to co operate with me here, okay? This is us....together we can do anything....and you know very well that it's not the case that you don't understand what I'm trying to make you understand , right? You are just being too adamant and lazy!

REALLY? Is that it? This is MATHS , you young lady! You know very well how much I hate that subject!

No you don't hate that subject! You hated the teacher....you hated the way she made you feel!

But you know this new teacher who's teaching us is really nice...she's funny, and makes things really easy!

I don't know all that! 

I'm done with you here.....I had just said I'd try to understand,okay? Just TRY!

And now ,you and that teacher of yours wants me to be an expert at solving those complicated sums, and use those formulas and do what not.......

You have no idea how much I've to run around and ask that memory department of mine to retrieve the Maths related files that were stored and locked and never touched for 10 years now!

My Memory Department isn't co operating with me, my left side hasn't been much in use for a long time....your job so far only related to my right side......I'm scared of entering the left side and it's dark rooms now!Yikes!

What? 

Don't look at me like that.....Don't give me that stare...that attitude of yours.....I'm serious!

And what makes you think I'm kidding all this while?Huh?

Brainy, listen......and you better listen carefully this time.

I gave you 2 months to get used to what things are going to be like from now on......no more excuses.....no more complaints and no more attitude....got it?

You will do as I like...I won't do as you like.....get that straight!

I'm the boss here, not you!

Really? ( haha...laughs)

Miss....you are forgetting, I run the show here. 

When I say go...your muscles move....when I say eat....you feel hungry...when I say....

SHUT THE FUCK UP!

I'm the soul, 

 I'm the core....

I'm the one who controls you!

You can't see me, doesn't mean I don't exist!

You have functions and you are defined....you have a face and a position.....

But I'm the mind....

I'm the director who pumps energy in you....

(Brainy thinks......"I thought Blood pumps energy...??!!%&$#@")

Blood?? Are you there?

Why don't you say something?

I'm not going to fight with the boss Brainy! Please don't pull me into this!

What??

See? Blood seems to have more sense than you do!

Now listen buddy, we have no time to waste, we gotta act fast.....if you don't get up and get kicking now, things are only going to get harder for you with time.......

I need you to use every damn department that exists in you, I'm letting you eat a lot already,blood is doing her job and so are the rest of the organs....Am I Correct?

EVERYBODY: YES SIR!

I want you to get over your blocks.......all that I can't do this and that and that department aint co operating, doesn't matter to me...I want results! I don't care how you motivate them....drink Glucon D, Redbull, whatever you think will take to break open those dark rooms, Do it! Just Do It! 

And stop sleeping so much all the time.

You can shut those creativity sessions and rooms for a while...we don't need them to make stories over equations and formulas and get a script together on a life of a student.....

When the time comes, we can get them started....Not now! 

Any questions??

Grrr.........

That won't do brainy......that won't do!

I've listened to you all the time....I've never pushed you to your limit.

But now is the time I'm really asking you to show your true colors.....show me what you got Brainy!   

I'm a Creative Brain for heaven's sake.......is that a crime to be?

It's not! 

But I do consider it a crime if you are not using all that you've got in there!

Open every damn door! I don't want any Dark unused rooms in there.

Everybody has some dark rooms...okay?

I don't give a shit about what everybody does.....all I care about is us..Got it?

(Under the breath) That's your problem!

What? Did I hear another complaint??

No B....Boss! No complaints anymore...Only results!

Blood chuckles..     

Good! Now that's my girl!

I know you are really smart and capable...only if you stop acting so adamant all the time...you could do more...anyway...I know you are really pushing yourself beyond your limit...and I'm sure you'll do well! After all, what am I here for? :-)

Thanks J....That really helps :-)

I'll do all I can....

Let's see what happens!

Karm kare jao Bachha, fal ki chinta mat kar!  

And this is the end of our creative room for a while...we can lock it till the end of this year.....

I've tried....but sometimes the creative juices flow out, then we have to open it and utilize it.

That's alright once in a while...

Okay then,

Time to get back to work!

Until next time dear Brainy...

Muuaaah! ;-) 

Nightmare

Innocent as a child,
So Sweet like a sweet,
Soft steps leading me,To the night so deep!

Trust in my heart,
Faith in my soul,
I walk step in step,
To the dungeons unknown.

Dreams so high,
Wishes so many,
Hopes of all shapes,
And the company of a Canny.....


Caution from a friend,
Worried look of the sister,
But that's not enough to save me,
From the forthcoming sinister.


Dark and cold,
Like the depth of the sea,
No light for what seems like centuries.

Cuts and bruises on my body,
Trembling in the cold, I'm lonely...
Distant voices scare me,
Unfriendly whispers surround me.

I hold myself so tight for a moment, I hear my heavy breathing,
I'm alive,and that's all that matters,
I'll find my way out,
Sometime ....
Maybe Now or a bit later.

I hit against a door,
And cry and shout for help.
I fall a few steps down below,
In another laid trap!

When will this end?
Will it end at all?
Or am I going to die in here?
Not knowing where I was after all?

The Nightmare is long, its cruel, it hurts.
It breaks my shell, it covers me in dirt.
It scrapes off my skin,and as I bleed in pain,
The soft new skin shows its brilliance in the dark rain,
And I breathe heavy ....one last time,
And open my eyes to see,
A whole new me and a day shining brightly!

About gossip and other aimless chatter!

I agree that everybody gossips....some gossip more, some less...but everybody does talk about others at some point of time, because we are all connected!
But how much of gossip should be practiced? How much of it should be encouraged and tolerated?
Do we gossip because we have nothing better to talk?
Or we gossip because we don't want to touch on the more important issues?
I think it's the later! We gossip because we want to keep people's attention away from our own issues and troubles. It's a defensive technique wherein we distract people by talking about someone else.

The troubling time is when people can not have a normal conversation without any form of gossip in it.
"Hey how are you? Long time...Do you know so and so?"
"Who? Why?"
"Just like that. Heard he got fired from work because of some money racket!!"

And so it goes on.
I agree we do need to know certain things that are happening around us.
But I totally disagree with the way it is morally and ethically accepted as a part of our survival and passed on from generation to generation as a value, forming a part of our culture.

Priceless!! ---Diwali Special Post---

Planning for this Diwali: 2 days
Diwali shopping : Rs. 1000/-
Preparing Diwali special Goan food for the first time: 3 hours!

Hearing My mom's proud voice over the phone when I told her I managed the cuisine single handed??   PRICELESS!
Getting complimented for the good food ??  PRICELESS!


Cooking has never been my forte'!( And that's a big flaw for a girl to have....in Indian society. It's okay if you are not educated but you don't know to cook??? Shame Shame!!)
In fact I would prefer serving 100 hours as a punishment than get into the kitchen and cook food............but this was yesterday!
This Diwali ,that Janaki who had a mind block over cooking, is gone!

This Diwali I made 4 Goan Dishes,all by myself, just by taking a few notes from my mom over a telephonic conversation!
Either my mum gives really good instructions or that I'm a real quick learner........I think it's both! :-)

Today's achievement taught me a lot!
A. We are not born with all skills, but given a sincere try, nothing is impossible!
B. Completing a task, meeting small challenges, gives so much joy and is a real assuarance about self!
C. There is nothing called a Mind block...it doesn't exist in real! It's fictitious....a game our mind plays on us to cage us.....Challenge it!
D. Give yourself the time, don't be pushed towards any activity just because someone expects you to do it! When you do something because you want to do it, the satisfaction you get out of it, is Priceless!

This Diwali was the best I've ever had till date......And I thank god, my friends and every single person who made this day special for me!
What's more....I did not light any firecrackers!!So it was totally a safe,natural,environment friendly Diwali Celebration!
Though it was fun to watch people having a good time lighting the crackers...there was so much excitement in the atmosphere!At a point of time I really wondered,what are they so happy about? Why are they lighting so many crackers? Why so much noise?? But then,I have to confess, Diwali would be boring without the lights and the noise! Somehow noise is an indication of happiness.....people speak loudly when they are happy and excited......that shows there is a connection between happiness and noise levels!

It was nice taking a walk around BTM today evening!
It was nice getting Mehendi done on my hand!
It was kind of funny to see how stupidly people light crackers......sometimes the fireworks back fire...and everybody runs everywhere!
It was wonderful to look around 360 degrees from my terrace and see the night sky bursting with colours for 3 hours and more..........and wonder ......."What the Phog* man!!!" 
(*Courtesy: Shashank Govekar. The phrase 'What the Phog' is specially coined by him for this Diwali. Phog in Konkani means Fireworks......)

Well! To everyone....Wish you all a very Happy Diwali and a wonderful year ahead!

And yes......this is what I cooked.

From the left: Batat fov,Chanyachi usal,Rosatle fov ani doodhatle fov!

Fov means Rice flakes.

so once again, here we go in English:
From the left: Potato in Rice Flakes,Green Peas cooked in grated coconut,Rice flakes cooked in coconut milk, Rice flakes cooked in milk!

A Random Letter to someone!

My Dearest Someone,

Well! A lot of things are happening around, as usual. Just that I don't write about it because I purposely don't log in, or I end up wasting a lot of time, doing some totally useless (sometimes useful) research on wiki and google.If there was some more time I could have come up with so many wonderful characters and stories.....I will do that...but later! Sometime in the new year...Jan 2011.

Hey, Do you know that I'm studying a lot now a days? I'm 25 and I'm surprised with myself that I still enjoy studying. When I was in 10th std I'd once decided ''Graduation''...that's it! No more!
But look at me here....I want to go on...study new subjects...take up a challenge, find a teacher, take her scolding, feel useless, score really low marks maybe and wonder what's wrong with my brain and its capacity... ..but I want to be a student...not just till I complete this course...but throughout my life!
I am a student at heart...I love to learn, anything, everything......

Hey,about something that happened with me : The other day, there was this man on a scooter who followed me while I was walking to my class and grabbed at my jacket. I really don't know what he was upto. He then went ahead ,stopped his bike and kept looking at me. He was wearing a helmet, so I did not see his face. It took me 15 seconds to get myself out of the ''Freeze'' stage! Yeah! That's what happens to me when I feel threatened......earlier, when I was younger, this Freeze stage would take forever...I could do nothing about it...but with time, and bitter experiences, I learnt...and I pulled myself out of it. I quickly made a call to a friend and held it to my ear and took out the pepper spray that was in my bag. The man watched me for around a minute and then left. I walked as fast as I could to my class...and when I reached there....I started trembling! Because I was aware the whole time that my pepper spray could do no harm to that man with the helmet on...and I was aware of my weaknesses and I thought about situations that could happen, that have happened with other girls and women....what if it was a van which had stopped by? Am I strong enough to fight 2 to 3 men?


There are these times when I feel so threatened from the world...I feel attacked. And I've had more than a few experiences, wherein either nobody was around to help me, or that even when I raised an alarm, nobody came for help!It has happened so many times with me in Goan buses. Goan buses are the worst transport services I've ever experienced so far.They pack in people like we are some goods to be transported. There are no separate compartments for men and women. I wonder what the government has been doing about this all these years...useless people all of them!

In these buses, its an everyday event to have your butt pinched or ass slapped or be touched at some other place and not even know who did it! One such time I raised an alarm and shouted at a man, the man shouted back at me, backed by the conductor who asked me to Behave myself! Their argument was, if I can not handle a crowd, then why am I travelling by a public transport..? Girls like me should always travel by private vehicle!

Now I've accepted this reality as a part of life. It's not just these men who misbehave with women, mind you. But also those who consider women as 2nd class citizens. Who despite of an education and a degree, do not know how to treat a woman.

At times I see my soul separate itself from my body. These real sick men can only try to mess with my body and my emotions but they can never touch, never reach,never hurt my soul! And then I realised, that even if I was really hurt badly by one of these sick men, in some bad way....maybe physically,emotionally,sexually........I would still survive, because my soul is too strong, too adamant to let go of life!


Oh Well! Those were some really serious paragraphs, weren't they?
It's just that this thing happened recently so it's still fresh in my mind, and it brought the memory of all the old times.
What really helped when I got back home was a reassuring hug from a close friend....
sometimes a jaduki jhappi is all you need when words can't help!
Oh what would I do without friends?
Nothing!

Hmm......What else?It's getting late and tomorrow night is Diwali! I am going to make some Goan dishes for my friends.....I've never cooked those before....but I'm sure my friends will understand and accept and finish the food! :-)

That's it for now,
will get back with more news as and when time permits,
Take care,
And hey...in spite of all that I said....I still love life!
So don't worry about me, I'm fine and Rocking!

Love
JSincro

( Please Note: 
To the Reader of this letter, 
You can be that someone and write to me. One sentence or a real long mail.........anything you would like to say,share,express....just like you would ,to a pen friend maybe?
I really love to read letters. 
So Your responses are most welcome and awaited!)