The art of simply being "Nothing" !

Do you know there is an app called "Nothing"? The reviews were mostly all 5 stars and what people wrote about this simple yet exotic application fired curiosity in me and I became one amongst the thousands who downloaded this app to find out , what is this "Nothing?"
Guess what? This app does exactly what it claims!
It does nothing!
But the human mind doesn't let go easily. I swiped left and right and up and down and wished and hoped that something would happen but all that I was doing was staring at a white bright screen that said "Nothing"!

You know what? My whole life ( I am 32 right now)....so, my whole life I have experienced competition. It started when I was really young..maybe just around 4 or 5. My sister could do this, so I had to do that! My friend could do that, so I had to also do that! Madness! It continued, it gets imprinted in the subconscious and some sort of a mad rush begins.....everybody is running to get somewhere....everybody! They don't stop, they don't pause, they show as if they almost got it!

I am fortunate to have parents who don't sit on my head and ask me to get a job or work! I am also fortunate to be out of relationships and the mess that ensues. So I can work when I feel like working and I can relax when I want to relax.....apart from some irritating people who keep asking "What are you doing now?" every time I pass under their nose, the world seems rather peaceful.

I have had the time to sit and do nothing. I have had the privilege to disconnect myself from the social media, phone and emails so that I get to know myself. And through all the meditations, quiet times, hours and hours of sleep....( yes! Uninterrupted baby sleep! 12 hours a day sometimes..and even more! :-) I have come to the conclusion  that "There is Nothing".

There is nothing to chase, nothing to be chased away from. Nothing to be motivated by, nothing to achieve. Nothing to be scared of, nothing to desire! Life is nothing! There is no meaning to life, it is meaningless. Our mind tries to decipher meaning out of everything and that is what causes all the pain and unhappiness in our life.

This is exactly what they teach at Landmark Forum. The hard or shall I say, the easy truth? Isn't it too easy to understand this? If there was "Nothing", then why do we go to school and try to learn and try to make something out of ourselves?
Perhaps there should be schools to help us learn this- To be Nothing! Be Nobody! And be okay with it!

Just imagine, if all of us were not fed in our brains that we have to be "Somebody and do something" , then we wouldn't have chased these manufactured dreams, we would be happy and content with what we have and who we are. But no, something out there doesn't want us to be happy with what we have and what we do. They want us to chase desires and other things so that we forever remain unhappy. Individual's Unhappiness is the key to Organisational happiness! Without unhappy people, you can not have an economically developed world. America is such a shining example of unhappy people and loads and loads of opportunities and materialistic comforts.

That something out there, which doesn't want us to be happy........that is probably something that wants to control others to their own advantage. It can be the government, it can be the companies, it can be the professionals! Think about it. Doctors don't really want a healthy society, they want people to suffer so that they get more patients. Lawyers want more crime so that they get more clients. More failures, make successful people feel better about themselves. Ugly people are necessary to make beautiful people feel worthy!

This whole "meaning" giving society that we have created has kept our peace of mind at bay. Remember, that the term 'happiness' is also giving meaning to some incident, situation or people. Without unhappiness, there can not be happiness.

The answer and the balance lies in equanimity!
If you want to be good, don't point fingers at those you consider bad.....make efforts so that there is no good and bad. But do we do that?

As a society, we just want to point fingers at other people to make ourselves look good in the eyes of , again, some other people!

I find it rather hard to understand this mad society we have created...I just walk around, looking at people, rushing at things and wish I had a remote control in my hands that could just make them "STOP" "BREATHE" & "THINK" for at least once in their life, what it is they are doing.....

The Vacation Story: Notes from Bhutan: Part B

Part B: The Vacation

(i) Planning:

January-February 2017 :

I am sure there are people out there who love to travel solo, but travelling solo is not my first choice. I am a gregarious person. Obviously there was something I wanted to prove- I wanted to prove that I need nobody to do what I want to do! (I hear a bunch of feminists cheering 'Yo Nari Shakti!')

In the meantime, frantic attempts were made to find company. On the outside, I was parading my bravery and inside, I was a scared rabbit! 

The plan was to travel right across the country , that is enter from the West and exit from the East . I booked my tickets :

 Goa to Bagdogara ; and

return from Guwahati to Goa.

There are 3 possible routes to enter and exit Bhutan. Out of which Jaigaon (West Bengal)/Phunshoeling (Bhutan) is the most common choice. (*1)

One can also take a flight to Paro. There are weekly flights from Delhi and Guwahati to Paro and I have heard that it's one of the best flight experiences in the world as the runway is short and the plane criss crosses across valleys in order to land. When I checked the flight rates in January, the cost was Rs.20,000/- one way! So please remember to book well in advance.

By February end, I had spent several hours researching websites and contacting people on Couchsurfers and Lonelyplanet to see if there are any travellers I can befriend. I received a reply to one of my requests on Bhutan Forum on LonelyPlanet one day. He introduced himself briefly (what impressed me was his Title "Dr."). Dr. Amit is a post doctoral researcher at JNU and a Bhutanese citizen. He asked if I needed any help or information regarding Bhutan(*2). I thought " Here's my chance to explore a country which is like no other in the world! It's the only country which does not harp on economics, doesn't plunder it's natural resources, where education and medical facilities are free!Wow! I wanted to learn everything about this land, its cultural fabric, what they teach at school and in their homes? Can I stay there longer? Can I settle there? Can I marry a Bhutanese?"

"I hope you are coming back" Asked my senior a few days before my trip. He perhaps read my thoughts!

Concept: My mind is a football Court! With the football being my thought. Any influential person can kick  the football  whichever way he/she likes and  I fly with the thoughts!

Amit and I started emailing regularly. We spoke on myriad topics and discussed issues and what their possible solutions may be. Amit told me it was absolutely safe for a single woman traveller to travel in Bhutan. He put me in touch with his brother, Anup who runs a travelling company "Blissful Himalayan Tours & treks" (*3). He applied for an E-permit for me so I didn't have to stand in a queue at the border. He also suggested and offered to book hotels in advance as March to May is high season. I felt like Royalty! I imagined myself arriving at the Indo-Bhutan border, the guards would salute me and the gates would be opened and I would be escorted right to Thimphu! 

Just then, my colleague Bhakti reported "Ma'am, the AC is not working!" I suddenly realised I was the plumber, the technician, electrician and everything else but Royalty! That's the challenge of having your practice. You start off thinking you will do some really sexy high end intelligent stuff and what you end up doing is - repair the PC's & the office equipment -Printer, AC etc, train the staff and do some primary filing work which nobody in the companies want to do! 

Finally I booked a Hotel on Indian side of Indo-Bhutan border (*4), just in case.

***********************************

Brief facts about Bhutan:

1. Indians need a permit to travel in Bhutan. Please carry your Passport and Election card to apply for this permit. At the border you are required to fill out an application, stick your photo and your documents, answer a couple of questions and get permission to visit Paro and Thimphu. Remember that you have permission only to visit Paro and Thimphu and no other place. If you want to visit other places, you must go to Thimphu Immigration office and apply and extend your permit. The procedure is simple, people at the immigration are friendly and patient and warm ( Just like the rest of them throughout Bhutan). There are check-posts and you are required to show your permit and get it stamped by the authorities. Do not act smart and wander in areas you do not have a permit for. Laws in Bhutan are respected; it's not like how it is in India.  

2. Your travel agent can apply for an E-Permit for you which is done online. But if you have an E-permit, your agent needs to be present with you at the time of the interview at the border.

23^th March

9.15 pm Hasimara Station 

Infants on the flight , on the bus and on the train had wrecked havoc on my sleep deprived brain. Infants should be put on a separate plane/ compartment. Sometimes I don’t understand who is a bigger nuisance? The screaming parent or the child? On top of that the train arrived late at Hasimara!

 The sun sets early and rises early in the east. When travelling solo, I always make it a point to either travel the whole night and arrive early in the morning or arrive at my destination before sun set. But then, there are these days……..The station was empty. I remembered Jab We Met scene when the Station Master lectures Kareena, “Akeli Ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai.” I ignored the gush of negative thoughts and went to the office and enquired about transport facilities to Jaigaon. A police man informed that there were shared taxi’s at the end of the platform and he told me to hurry, “Beta yahan dus baje ke baad kuch nahi milta!”

Thankfully I found a group of ladies and rode to Jaigaon with them.

When I got to the Hotel and checked in, I sat thinking ‘I wasn’t worried about my safety in a neighboring country even before I got there. But I was worried while I was in India till I got to the hotel! I couldn’t trust my motherland's streets and people. In all my travels thus far, I haven’t faced any safety related issue. I have travelled by local trains, shared taxi’s and hitched rides. Nobody was nasty to me. It brings me to a conclusion again: that Indian men are not rapists. Women, please trust them. They are here to help! Seriously! I know that the faith won’t build overnight. So put it to test and you will know. I am against taking un-needed risks, so I don’t venture out at nights neither do I wear skimpy clothes. All said and done, India has a particular mindset and a culture, respect that and it will respect you back. When travelling solo, it is no time to challenge norms.

24^th March

Entering Bhutan

The Indo-Bhutan gate was right across the hotel at a walking distance. Bhutan Standard Time is half an hour ahead of IST. The Immigration office is a 2 minute walk from the Gates and opens at 9 am BST. The earlier you go to the office the better it is. (*5)

In my full josh, I crossed over the border/gates by foot only to be stopped by a police man and was sent back to India! You can enter through the gate only if you are in a car. Otherwise you have to walk through a smaller gate at the sides. I did that, and was back in full josh walking towards Immigration office when I heard the same police man whistling and running towards me. I was confused! Now what?

“Madam, Indian?” He asked.

“Yes yes.”

“Thought so. Do you see those lines on the road?” He pointed at the zebra lines.

“They are called zebra lines sir.” I answered dutifully.

“Oh! So you know. So you walk on them if you want to cross the road. Understand? Why are you running across where there are no zebra lines? Welcome to Bhutan! Follow traffic rules! Walk on zebra lines…Understand?”

Lesson No.1 : Walk on zebra lines.

9.15 am ( BST): Immigration Office: 1^st Floor

If you have an E-Permit , you need to go to the Embassy office and not the Immigration office. They are close by. At the Immigration office, there were Indians everywhere screaming and calling out to each other. I couldn’t see where the queues began and where they ended.

When I showed my E-permit, the officials asked for my travel agent. “Why isn’t your travel agent accompanying you?” I am used to dealing with Indian authorities, so I smile and use my wit to get things done my way. But it doesn’t work in Bhutan. “Madam, you will have to apply for the regular permit then. We will cancel your E-permit!”

I had to go back to the Immigration. But fortunately, I met another Goan there. He spoke to the authorities and asked whether they can help me since there is some miscommunication with the travel agent. They sent my application to one Madam Kama. She interviewed me briefly and consented to the application. I was asked to go to the Visa/Embassy office again. A short interview and a stamp on my passport later, I was done!

The ride from Phunshoeling to Thimphu was smooth ( in other words 'uneventful' in comparison to the rest of my vacation), filled with pretty scenery and peace. Isn’t that what we come to Bhutan for?

By the time I got to Thimphu it was 7.30 pm. I found a hotel (*6), right across the Town square and crashed for the night.

25^th March

Thimphu: 10 am : Ambient Café

Ambient café is this warm, comfortable café on the first floor from the main street across the clock square. There is nothing like having a good breakfast and I was starving as I had skipped my dinner the previous night. I took a corner seat to sip a cup of hot chocolate. I realised there were 2 young Indians at the table next to me, they were speaking in Hindi and planning their trip to Paro. 

Bhutan or any other place is expensive if you want to do it absolutely solo, and I was on a budget trip. I knew I had to make friends. Actually I had met a group of Gujju mid aged ladies in my hotel and they had offered me to join them if I liked. They had also inquired why I wasn't still married! I was absolutely clear that I was not going to blow up my vacation with boring company. I would rather do the whole trip alone!

What I loved about Bhutan is that everyone loves cats! A lady walked into Ambient Cafe with her injured cat who she had taken to the vet. She placed her on the table, someone at the cafe gave her some cat food, and this monk inquired ," How you feelin' kitty?"  

I looked at the boys and smiled, “Hi! Are you guys planning to go to Paro?”

 “Yes..actually we want to do the Druk Path trek from Thimphu to Paro. You want to join?”

The guys seem to be friendly.

“ I would love to. But I want to do some sight seeing in Thimphu first.” I tell them.

“ Yes , we are doing Thimphu sight seeing today, We have another friend with us, he is gone to get a taxi.”

“So can I join? ”I ask.

Ruben looks at Ishaan for a while, “Sure! Why not? I am Ruben by the way, and this is my friend Ishaan!”.

I was proud of scoring the company of two handsome men. Finally my solo trip was looking promising! Ruben has this big open smile, you know it the moment you meet him that the guy is chilled out. Ishaan comes across as this classy, sophisticated , uptown guy and I was not sure how to approach his highness!

We finished our coffees and breakfasts, Ruben got a call from his friend and we set out on our Thimphu Sight seeing tour.

The taxi was parked at the corner of the road and just when I was about to open the door, a man stopped me with his deep voice, “This taxi is taken.”

I was puzzled and looked back at Ruben.

“Arre yeh hamare saath ayengi!”, Ruben told his friend.

“I thought this was a boy’s trip! Where’s the bro code fellas?”, The stranger didn’t look very pleased. He was tall, with curly hair and strong arms.

“And you are?” I dared to ask for his name.

“He doesn’t have a name!”, Ishaan finally spoke. He is cute, this Ishaan.

“What’s your name?” The stranger asked me.

“Janaki”.

“Well then ,I am maryada Purushottam Ram! You can call me MRP – short form!”

I looked at Ruben, he gave me this big smile which said, “Take it or leave it, your choice.” Ishaan was busy with his mobile. I thought for a second and got inside the taxi.

The first place we visited  was the Buddha Point. When I got a bit comfortable with the boys, I told MRP," Maryada Purushottam Ram is MPR not MRP."

He looked at me for a while, smiled and said,"Don't act too smart with me! Understand?"

In the next episode: Thimphu Night life and Paro!

_______________________________________________________

* 1: Bagdogara Airport   opens doors to many wonderful Himalayan beauties. It is approximately 5 hours drive to Jaigaon ( The Border town). 

Airport to Siliguri Railway Station- is a 30 mins drive.They charge approx Rs.150/- per head for this trip on sharing basis

 There is a 4.45 pm local Train from Siliguri which is scheduled to arrive at Hasimara ( 30 mins drive to Jaigaon)- Rs. 60/- ( The train journey is enjoyable. Every five minutes the view changes from tea estates to forests to grasslands to dried rivers to mountains. I spotted a herd of elephants and peacocks, everyone in the train was glued to their windows.)

 Hasimara is again 30 mins drive to Jaigaon. (Rs.40/- per head ,shared Taxi)

*2 : A list of all important contacts, taxi drivers, hotels and their rate card will be shared on my last post. But sorry, Dr. Amit’s number will not be shared! ;-)

*3 : Blissful Himalayan Tours & treks: Anup Jaishi: anup.jaishi@gmail.com ;Mob: +975 77319956

http://www.tourism.gov.bt/directory/tour-operator/blissful-himalayan-tours-and-treks

*3: Hotel Satyam : +91 8116233392; hotelsatyamjaigaon@gmail.com : The hotel is 2 minutes walk from the border gates. A single room costs approx rs.750/-. The staff is very helpful and trustworthy. Food is good. The place is clean. 

*4 : Haa Valley –Bhutan: haavalleyhomestay@gmail.com. Also check: http://www.tourism.gov.bt/plan/home-stay

*5 : The Immigration office is open from 9 am till 5pm, Monday to Friday. If you reach the Immigration at 4.30 pm on a Friday, you may get stuck in the queue and may not be able to cross over. So get to the office early.

In case you are stuck and can’t get through to Bhutan. You will have to pass your time in Phunshoeling. Indians are allowed to roam around in Bhutan till 15 kms from the border, then the check posts start.

*6 : Hotel Gazel: (00975)-2324002; 17248826 ghaselhotel@gmail.com. FB:ghaselhotel

Please note: This is a Vacation story, not just a travel blog. For me, there is no traveling if there are no stories. 

The Vacation Story: Notes from Bhutan : Part A

Introduction:

Everything makes sense only when you see it as a whole, and not in its fragmented parts! The word is "Holistic"! Therefore there are three parts to my vacation story:

A. The Before

B. The Vacation

and 

C. The After

A few points :

1. I am writing after a 2 year gap! Something definitely happened on this trip that has broken the writer's block. Many thanks to many people- Each person I have met has contributed to something that is happening now.

2. Special thanks for the photos to The-one-who-must-not-be-named! My photographer friend loves surprises!

3. I have learnt and realised that I am a little bit of everybody. There's a me in everyone I have met, I have spoken to, loved and hated. Therefore when I describe people in my blog in positive or negative tones, it's something in their personalities that I had at some point in the past or I want to have in the future and therefore I notice those traits and choose to comment on them. There's a saying "Your perception of me is a reflection of you." 

4. Legally speaking, I can put a footnote on every statement of this blog which opposes everything I have said. That's the duality of life. The Yin and the Yang! ( For more of such perspective altering statements, read Change your Thoughts, Change your Life) 

5. At the end of every post, I have defined certain terms the way I meant to use them. (*n) and in between I have added concepts I have learnt on this journey.

6. Why am I trying so hard to be politically correct? 

A. The Before: Part I

There is a reason why I travel to places I travel to. My Landmark Forum trained brain goes 'ch ch....Reason? Stories?' 

Well! But I do everything for a REASON!

Concept: There is a calling!

Year 2016: 

I started my Secretarial practice in Goa. This was one decision I was running away from since 10 years. 

I was expected to start practice after completing law studies , I didn't. 

I was expected to start practice after completing CS! - I didn't. 

Instead I took up a job in Bangalore which was deeply traumatic. The horror of that experience pushed me to seek comfort in the tried and tested work profile - of practice! ( I have a lineage of law practitioners. Practicing law is considered the safest option to lead a happy life- I choose to differ on that opinion though.) 

I was too happy that the pollution of the city of Bangalore and the poison of over-ambitious retards (*1) wasn't choking me. I like the pace in Goa. People don't run around like their arses are on fire (*2) . Most Goans treat each other with sweet respect and love. Tempers do flare occasionally, but most folks know to calm down after a beer or a feni or whatever thing that makes them happy at the end of the day! 

Life is good .

But then, as work picked up, calls increased, work timings extended!

My simple plan was:

Work 9 to 5, come home, read a good book, try to write and go to sleep. 

Or 

Watch a good film & go to sleep, 

or 

Go cycling/ clubbing/ do other million activities Goa offers and go to sleep (in peace). 

But modern life isn't as simple! The arse on fire mentality does flow through the system once in a while and I did come across people who themselves are stressed and love to stress the hell out of others. Women, I realised are the stress giving kinds ( That includes me. I am not pointing fingers without taking a responsibility :). I haven't come across a man who got on to my nerves. 

"It's because You are an attractive woman!" 

Laughed my Senior/ Mentor, Vinay. 

Maybe! 

But 8 months into practice and I still hadn't read a book. I don't remember which was the last film I watched. The only thing I remember doing often was to hit Mojo or any other pub in Panaji with my bestie Darshan and drink (sometimes dance like a demented soul to the horror of other guests)  and take off the frustration! 

Add to this, our Indian social pressures. No! I am not exactly tormented by my parents to get married AGAIN! But then, there's always a statement passed here and there about how 'Intelligent & smart' some woman has been by 'choosing' to get married! 

I don't understand what is the connection between intelligence and marriage!

The problem is, my friends are getting married.  and some others are having kids or bringing up kids. ( This has the peer pressure effect. Say as you may like statements as "Why do you have to care about them" , it is a fact ( true to me) that the overall energy, intellect ( or the lack of it!), frustrations, happiness of the populace floats in the air and affects me! 

Trust me, single women like myself feel ostracized by this system! I have stopped hanging around with couples or groups of friends which have couples in it. My single female friends have told me they feel the same as I. Some of them have stopped socializing altogether. Not just them, but even their parents don't step out of the house as people keep asking , "When is she getting married?" "Why isn't she getting married?" etc etc.

I never faced this in Bangalore!

Ever! 

I often see Young married girls speak and behave in a strangely mature, middle-aged- kind of fashion! 

I don't find common topics for discussions! If I check out a hot guy around the corner I get reactions like:

 "Shii. Please ya, stop it!" (*3) or  

"Don't behave as if you are desperate aa!"

One woman, my age, even said, " Please behave your age!" 

Hello! Unless I choose to be an ascetic I will be checking out men, or whatever that I want to check out even on my death bed.

And so will you- Secretly!

Concept: The longer you invest yourself in a single activity or location, higher your expectations become, and depending on what you have invested yourself into, you become either  more impatient ,agitated and unhappy OR you become calm, patient, and happy! The choice is yours!

Bhutan was first discussed in 2015! Then again in 2016 amongst my usual group of friends. I wasn't  keen on doing this trip with any couples, but many of my friends  are hitched and all of us , girls and boys are quite adventurous so we discussed cycling in Bhutan, Or trekking in Bhutan etc. Based on the excitement I even bought a sexy bike! But come December 2016 and there still weren't any sure shot Yes's!

That was it!

31st December 2016: 

At the stroke of the midnight hour, when the world sleeps, India awoke to life and freedom! 

India welcomed the New year with so much noise that the old who are heart patients struggling to keep alive pop out with the 'dada bombs', the infants realise they have entered 'hell' and not earth and the animals and birds run so fast for cover in so many directions they hit and die a terrible death! But why do we care? We are having our Tryst with the Destiny at every New Year, every political rally, Chaturthi, or Diwali! Why do we care about noise pollution when we have bigger issues to handle such as 'How to ban certain food items which form staple diet of a few communities'. After all, we are a secular country! 

Amidst all the noise , messages popping and phones ringing and my dogs shivering and hiding under me for cover, I had made a decision...

I am going to Bhutan- Solo! 

( To be continued....Part 2) 

___________________________________________________________

*1: Over-ambitious retards are those people who aren't able to handle their own expectations of themselves and who are obviously frustrated and stressed the whole time! They are those who blame, curse, mistreat others and spread negativity at a workplace like it's their life's sole objective!

*2: For more on Arse-on-Fire: Visit Mumbai Local station!

*3: Shii is an equivalent of "Yuck" in Konkani.

It's far....but it's bright!

We live in an age where we are bombarded with information and knowledge.
We get to know of our friend's feelings towards a particular issue even before she or he herself /himself has thought well about it.
We have loads of new books coming into the market, loads of new films in theaters and so few actually make any good sense!
Most of them definitely make good money!

We have become a shallow culture, unable to hit any deep notes....
A. Because there is no time for it....and
B. Because we are too lazy to find any new solutions, too coward to ask any new questions!

We "observe" "Rich" people, and we conclude that they are "successful". We, especially Indians, blindly accept any new trend from the west as God's word! "Have you heard about the Minimalist movement? it's about living life simply, cutting out the crap, not being materialistic!" I hear someone saying.....and I think, "Wasn't that inculcated in Indian philosophy and way of life right from the beginning?" But we like to accept it only when it's re-packaged by the west. Why don't those people screaming out their hearts about "Maintaining the Indian culture" ever bring this point in picture? Is it because they are too busy living out their own lives in a grand fashion?

In such times, when there are no barriers to stop the crap, it is the responsibility of each individual to think before we speak and to think before we send that text and think before we write that book. Let "Money" not be the only criteria. Let "Sell-ability" not be the only reason to publish something. Let "Intellect" "Innovation" "Challenge" be the guiding light.

Has this already been said before?
Am I bringing in a new trend?
Is my concept good enough to take the civilization to the next level?
Am I doing my part as a responsible educated citizen?

If one is not asking such questions , and merely doing some set of actions because they know for sure that they won't fail, or that they will be "accepted" in the society , then I think we are not doing good enough as a society.

I know what I think doesn't matter.
But I also know what I think makes sense.
I also know what makes sense is not wanted in this society.
And what may be wanted, may not be what is NEEDED for making a good society.

Are we thinking ahead at all? Or are we just thinking about getting through the day?
Because , I am not half as intelligent as the people who are making policies for us, or who are our "leaders" but I can see that we are not going anywhere for good.
Our current lifestyle is flawed, our work places are flawed, the learning curve isn't great...
And we know there is a problem, and we know there is a solution, but we won't do it!
Why should I be the guinea pig?

People who are doing the IMPORTANT jobs are paid the least!
You think a 20 something software engineer is doing a more important job than a teacher teaching village kids by traveling 35 kms a day or walking some 20 kms every day?
Is the corporate lawyer who charges by the minute more important than the farmer who makes the food we eat  that helps us to survive?
If I think with reason, then I find many jobs and careers just too fake to even pursue them. They are tailored to fit a few elitists.
As a law student I could never understand why the language was so complicated when the law was supposed to be for the common man?
Why do we need a lawyer to state what our problems are, which we know best! It's like needing a priest every time you want to pray to god. Why have we created these "useless middle men?" and in today's age , where information is freely available, shouldn't the prices of their services go down?
This brings me to the conclusion, that the system encourages such middle men, otherwise we would have a public system where you could get such services for a very reasonable rate!

I know it is very easy to ask questions and point to problems, where are the solutions?
But with a little bit of study I find that solutions are easier in comparison to our complicated lives.
To put it simply, we have been put in a round cage, the types used for hamsters to run around to do our chores.
And yes, cages we definitely are in!
And it starts early.....it starts with the school "system" which cages our thought process, kills innovation , "Teaches" us to think in a way that suits the next level of life, then comes "Work System" , again another intelligent way to kill innovation by paying such a fat salary that one becomes too lazy to pursue their passions, and of course the "Economic system" with it's "offers" and "taxes" that attempts to guide one through their lives.

But the human potential is too vast to be put in any one system, and those who suffer are usually those who think outside the box. Yes some hit the right notes and are rewarded, but a system like this is more prone to kill the slightly weaker innovators who need more support, more time to find their voice and calling and instead supports the non thinkers. It is like the reservation system initially put in place to support the weaker class, but the weaker class now has become the stronger class and reservation is required somewhere else.

I can imagine the number of poets, writers, actors, painters who have died in trying to make a life, by being forced into making a "career" . To top it all, we Indians give high priority to family life , which completely destroys any little dream of that big daddy!

People are moving away from such a system...I have read about them, and as the day goes I keep hearing more such stories , so I know that the future is bright!
It's far...but it's bright and it is definitely different!

On this positive note, I would like to wish each and every reader a Happy 2015- May this year bring more innovation and creativity that lights up your souls!

I would like to leave you with this quote by Albert Einstein- " The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift!" 

And at last - The answer! [BMC @ Himalayan Mountaineering Institute]

Climbing for 6 to 7 hours, gave plenty of time to think. And I love to think. The last time I enjoyed "thinking" so much was at Vipassana course. Actually that course is meant for you to calm your mind , arthaat "not think" and get into that zone where you think nothing. And if you can achieve that for even a second, it feels beautiful. Well I did experience those seconds several times in that course in the later half. But initially, in the first 5 days, all I did was think as much as I liked.

So I got thinking about.......... "what do you want to do with your life next?"
I have studied law, now I am in my final stages of CS course, I just started off as a consultant......and yet, this question! For a moment I was shocked my conscience dared to ask me that!
"Still you are asking me what next?"
"Yeah....Are you happy?"
" Yes....I am happy!", I was getting defensive.

"Then what are you doing here?", asked me, teasing me.
"Mountaineering course.......of course!", (like doesn't she know? Dumbo!)
"What makes you travel and go stumbling around new places and experiences when you are satisfied with what you have?"
" I like to explore...."
"Explore yourself?"
"Yes!"
"And what great thing are you trying to find in yourself?"

If at Level one I was fed up of people, in Level 2 I was fed up with myself!
If Vipassana tested my mind power, mountaineering tested my mind and my body creating such a unique experience that opened doors to desires and hidden powers.
"You have something in yourself you have been running away from for a long time, you know?" 

"Janaki, ab chalo. Tum bohot slow jaa raha hai aaj!", one of the Instructor shouted from the back. 

I am not new to such dialogues with myself. One reason I guard my "me time" is because I love my own company. But somehow, all these years I could convince myself to do something my way. During this mountaineering course, I realised that there was some higher power - with its own mind, and it had started exerting pressure on me to behave in a way it likes. The rest of the climb and the course I kept convincing it with answers, quoting experiences from the past and why I do what I do. Until that day when I fainted. There, it did not listen to me. There, it clearly showed what it can do if I don't listen to it. " You can't take me for granted Janaki and you dare not cross my limits!"
" It's just a matter of another half an hour, why can't you bloody co-operate with me and walk this patch?" 
" Is it just about this short patch? Really? The whole course is over! When else will you listen to the answer that I have been shouting out in your face? What do you keep searching for all the time? YOU DON'T BLOODY HAVE THE COURAGE TO CHASE YOUR DREAM! You betray me every single time to get along with parents, friends, society and lovers! Today, I won't listen to you, I give up! Do what you like!"
I tried one final time to stand, lost control and fell off on my face. I could hear people, and see them but I couldn't move my hands or legs. Someone had to lift me up and get me to Bakhim. At the forest house, I regained consciousness, I could move my legs and hands. But I was extremely disturbed. That night I shivered for almost 2 hours. No matter what who did, I couldn't get my body to calm down. I was given medicine, Deepa hugged me, Sharvani tried putting me to sleep like a child. She held me tight and asked me to breathe. I just couldn't control my mind to help me control my body. 

My mind was out of it's mind! 

Somehow that night passed by, and next day I climbed down safely to Yuksum. A part of me had completely withdrawn itself from the daily activities though. I couldn't forget that experience of my mind/ conscience/ soul ( whatever you call it) refusing to co-operate with me. I wanted to run home to mamma. In my life so far I have never been this home sick. I am not someone who misses parents and family. 


After we came down, we had a day off. We had our cross country running competitions and rock climbing competition. The written exam and finally the Graduation ceremony. As each day passed, I grew more distant from myself. There were no more voices in my head, there was just silence.


Now for several days after I got back home, I have been operating on an auto pilot mode. Physically I am in Goa, mentally I still remain with HMI.  And spiritually? 
My next course of action, and the path I have to take has been paved before me. I realize that it was always there. I either refused to see it, or didn't have the courage to step on to it because it would be a tough lonely journey. 


But what has to be done, must be done! Whatever the stakes may be.
I do not know if it is the best thing to do - but what I do know is that it is the right thing for me to do.

That's all from me for now. Himalayan Mountaineering Institute's Basic Mountaineering Course has been instrumental in giving me courage that I was scared to tap within myself. I would recommend this course to everybody, whether you like the mountains or you don't. Whether you like adventure or you don't. Come here and take home the ultimate experience of your lifetime, all for just Rs.4100/-


Okay I sound like I am advertising for HMI, but well! On a serious note, if you are a thinker, traveler, adventure enthusiast, have a creative mind, respect life and the mysteries it offers, a student at heart, young or old, whoever you might be........if you need a kick in your life to feel you are alive and breathing- then this is your place! Period! 

On Graduation Day: Blue: Basic course; Red: Advance course students

References & Notes:
 1.Thanks to : Deepa , Hardik, Hemang and Rohit for the photos! If I have used photographs belonging to people I haven't mentioned here, please let me know.
2. For another point of view on HMI Basic course, read Deepa's blog : http://searchinformycompass.blogspot.in/2014/05/because-mountaineers-have-no-sense-of.html
3. To know what an advance course is like, please read Sai Pitre's blog:
 http://therunawayheart.wordpress.com/2014/05/26/over-the-hills-and-far-away/

Life at Base camp

 "You never realise how strong you are , until being strong is the only choice you have!"

Base camp Chowrikhang 14600 ft

Journal entry:

23rd April 2014

4.30 pm

(While at self arrest class)

"There is no time to pee, or drink enough water or rest....so definitely, there is no time to write as well. That is why I take this opportunity to write during class, sitting here on the steep slope against the strong winds.

Initially I hated being here, it is too exhausting for me. But now I am liking it. At this moment, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else in the world! I do not have much aptitude in this stuff....I still don't understand which knot to use for which purpose. It's almost like being a magician when you work with the rope and the wonderful things you can do with it.

I don't know if I would like to come here again and put myself through this torture, but I have achieved what I wanted in this process - A better understanding of myself . I thought I wasn't tough enough to survive this, I am. I am slow, but I am not weak. I do not give up, I made it to each and every class and every single activity- whether I was bored, had my period, body ache, or feeling giddy... I showed up and for that I am proud of myself!

My efforts might not be up to the mark for the others as most girls out here are extremely fit. There is a lot to learn from them. Now that I have seen what women are capable of doing, I can prepare myself in that direction and challenge myself once more. My current performance is the base record set for me that I have to break.

There is another force that is working in my favour. My parents or society I live in is least interested in this activity, and since it's just a month long course, they know I am not going to make a career in it, and have let me off the hook! There are no expectations. All this I am doing, is just for myself! And it feels so GOOD, man I can't explain!
What if I choose a life that is so selfish as to think only of myself? 
I would only have "me" to impress!"Me" to disappoint!"

The night sky at base camp (Photographer: Hemang Gala)

There is an intimate connection with spirituality and these mountains. It is impossible to go up there, in those rugged terrains and not reflect upon your life, not look at the bigger picture, not question your existence and what you are doing.

My life back home in Goa is comfortable, if I stick to what I have, there won't be many issues. But is there all that is to life? To be comfortable? Am I living to get comfortable? Is that the goal? Would that make me happy? Would that make me proud of myself?
"Oh yeah I bought this car, and this expensive phone, and spent 1000's on medication and now I look so slim and this branded dress fits me so well, man! I look so sexy!"  <------- Is this me?
or
" Oh my boyfriend/ husband owns that company, the CM called him today you know to discuss important matters, he graduated from that prestigious university, my children go to XYZ school, oh yeah, it's the best here!" <--------- This?

Would I rather choose a path that I can't "show off" to the world but which dazzles me?

Isn't it better to stay true to myself?
Why should I run the rat race when it completely fails to impress me?



Well! I know that a lot of us had started asking a lot of these questions , in spite of all the exertion and the lack of time and our schedules being full of activities. There were jumaring lessons, rappelling, self arrest class, crevasse rescue, learning to walk in crampons and using the ice axe, climbing on fixed rope....all these activities require tremendous amounts of energy.

Life at base camp:

Girl's hut

The main activities at base camp apart from course work were:
1. Pooping
2. Eating and washing the Mess tin

Pooping Business:

The toilets were so far away, we had to climb a small hill to get there. The usual routine was 5-6-7. Which means 5 o'clock bed tea, 6 am breakfast and 7 am Fall in ( Fall in means assemble at the assembling point and fall into your ropes, ready to report.) Deepa and Akshata were the early risers. Madhura and myself woke up somewhere at around 5.30 and Sharvani had to be shaken and shouted at to make her get out of her sleeping bag.

Things were fine on days that were normal. It got difficult when it snowed and the temperatures dropped with chilly winds. Trekking up the hill was a pain, besides there were heavy chances of slipping and falling. I fell twice! Once in my own poop and the 2nd time in someone else's poop. OMG! That was such a nightmare! I cleaned my shoes several times, but I could smell poop until I got home and washed the shoes for 2 days!

Mess- Tin and the freezing cold water:

The tiffin had to be washed every single time after use. Water in the mornings and at nights was so damn freezing that this activity was one that I hated the most. Your fingers bloody go so numb and then there is some sort of pain after a while. The whole feeling was damn uncomfortable! I was so engrossed in coping up with these factors that I hadn't noticed that Sharvani was skipping dinners. Later I found out that she is not a "cold weather" person. She would be active throughout the day while the sun shines and refuse to get out when it got cold. Some days she hit the sack at 4pm. For a few days we had dinner in the same mess tin, so I knew what she ate and she didn't have to freeze her hands in the cold water. But on some days I got angry. Sharing food isn't my forte'. I get angry when people eat from my plate. Once Joy picked up food from Hemang's plate without asking for his permission. I was sitting on the same table and I took offense at such behaviour even though Hemang was cool. Later I gave Joy a lecture on this topic. Didn't help much because he did repeat his stunt on someone else's plate.


Course work:

Trek to the Glacier and Back: 

We had 4 days of snow and Ice craft on the Glacier. Someone told me that it was the most difficult task in this course. If you get through this, you can get through anything. I wondered what can be more difficult than the trek from Bakhim to Dzongri! Plus here onwards we had to wear snow boots that weigh around 2 kg's! The level of discomfort was high and so had to be our endurance.

Day 1 : Trek to the Glacier: 2 and a half hours of trek to and fro :The bags were light, but the shoes were heavy and they were harsh on feet ending up with several blisters. 1st day was difficult on me because I didn't get food at the right time. I had breakfast at 6 am . We took longer to get to the Glacier and finished the activity at 2 pm. I think we climbed down the glacier at around 3. After 3 pm I could hardly walk . By the time I had my lunch it was  4.15pm. I am used to having meals at the right time. In fact I have smaller meals 5 times a day. I realised that mountaineering is a lot about preparation and strategy. Next day onwards, I started packing tiffin for myself and ate it on the way to the glacier. That settled the hunger issue.

Food at HMI: Food and hostel facilities are excellent at HMI ( for the price you pay). The quarter master was in charge of these departments and did an excellent job. Not just that, we could go to him with any issues and he gave us a lot of moral support because of which getting through this course became much easier.

It's the people at HMI that make this experience so special! The whole staff and crew are very hospitable and warm. The Principal is an open minded person, willing to listen to you.

Medical Facilities: The Medical Officer or the Nursing Assistant are around 24x7. Apart from them, all instructors are well trained in first aid and are abundantly aware of what medication to be used for what symptom and problem. I used to be someone who is scared of hospitals and doctors, but not after this course. I had some or the other issue every single day and visiting the medical room was like going to a temple. Loose motions, gas, cold and fever, body ache, nausea, vomiting, exhaustion became a way of life. I took a tablet every night before sleeping, and had to apply vicks throughout the day and the night to control my 24x7 running nose.
Deepa and Sharvani seemed stuck on the question, "Will I puke today?"
"Maybe I won't!"
"Maybe I will!"

Extra- curricular activities at the Base camp:

Photography by Hemang Gala

The glacier trek and activities would get over by 2 pm and after lunch we had a class for an hour on the activity that we were to practice the next day.
By 5 pm, we would be free. Some boys spent time playing cricket or football, some of us played dumb-charades, and antakshari in the dining hall.

The girl's hut and the gossip :On days when it snowed heavily, the girls sat inside their huts and gossiped. Major discussions initially revolved around how many layers of sunscreen to apply to protect your skin, which creams work better in these extreme climates to discussions on bra sizes and boobs. Boy's aren't the only one's to talk about boobs. In fact every time we changed, there was always an admirer amongst us admiring the other. Women love to watch other women.

Days passed by fast. When I was climbing though, I was counting every second and it looked like the time had slowed down. Now a days, I miss that heavy sound of my breath that rang in my ears throughout the course, reminding me that I am alive, teaching me the meaning of being alive.

Dogs at Base camp. They had accompanied us from Yuksum . Photographed by Hemang Gala

 Height gain on Renok peak at 16,500ft

On the last day we climbed a peak.  The climb was steep and we had to be roped up while going higher. Mostly 10 to 11 people were roped together. There was this attitude of "just get through every day" in me initially, but when I was climbing the last phase to reach the top of the Peak is when I thoroughly enjoyed the experience. And I thought, yes, I need to give this more of my time and attention and effort. I must attempt to climb another Peak, some day. I must try to get better at this, it's fun! The friends you make here are for real because your life depends on them. They fall, you fall with them- everyone dies! We don't operate in an artificial environment. This is for real.

I did an unusual thing when I reached the peak.
I prayed!
I prayed for the well being of my parents. They are wonderful parents considering how difficult a person I am. They put up with me, every single time. I argue and I have my mood off's and every few years something new catches my attention and I jump into the wagon. They have let me jump and fall and get hurt and have got hurt with me in the process.
I prayed for them so that the almighty protects them and gives them the power to push through life, because here onwards, I will only get crazier & whackier!

Next post: The last post on HMI series.

And here are a few nice photos from Hemang Gala and Hardik at HMI.

Roped up at the Glacier

While climbing Renok

One of the 4 bridges from Yuksum to Bakhim