Into The Wild

I think this is a film that’s a must watch for every free spirited individual- if you love freedom till crazy extent, you love trekking, and want to discover the true meaning of your life your style- then you got to watch it! the last scene , with the heli cam is amazing!

This film had a crazy impact on me- I wanted to do just what Christopher McCandless, the hero, does in the film. My options are limited because I am a girl, and I am not a top fighter to be able to defend myself single handedly, and I don’t trust this world a bit! Anyway, here are some details so that you can catch up with the film too.

Plot : Based on a true story, After graduating from Emory University, top student and athlete Christopher McCandless abandons his possessions, gives his entire $24,000 savings account to charity and hitchhikes to Alaska to live in the wilderness. Along the way, Christopher encounters a series of characters that shape his life.

Director: Sean Penn
Year of release: 2007.
Nominated for 2 Oscars .Another 12 wins & 36 nominations
Genre: adventure, biography, drama.

My fav dialogue:

"Chris had always been driven, had always been an adventurer.
when he was only 4 years old, he once wondered alone 6 blocks away from home at 3 o’clock in the morning. He was found in the neighbor’s kitchen, upon a chair, looking through their candy drawer. Whatever drawer he was opening now, must have something pretty sweet in it!"

" The core of mans’ spirit comes from new experiences.”

“You don’t need human relationships to be happy, God has placed it all around us.”

“When you want something in life, you just gotta reach out and grab it.”
“I read somewhere... how important it is in life not necessarily to be strong... but to feel strong.”



!!WATCH IT!!

EVEN THIS SHALL PASS AWAY

Once in Persia reigned a King
Who upon his signet ring
Carved out a maxim true and wise,
Which, if held before the eyes,
Gave him counsel at a glance,
Fit for every change and chance.
Solemn words, and these are they:
"Even this shall pass away."

Trains of camels through the sand
Brought his gems from Samarkand;
Fleets of galleys through the seas
Brought him pearls to match with these.
But he counted not his gain
Treasures of the mine or main;
"What is wealth?" the king would say;
"Even this shall pass away."

In the revels of his court
At the zenith of the sport,
When the palms of all his guests
Burned with clapping at his zests;
He amid his figs and wine,
Cried: "Oh loving friends of mine!"
"Pleasure comes but not to stay;"
"Even this shall pass away."

lady fairest ever seen,
was the woman he crowned his queen,
pillowed on his marriage bed,
softly to his soul he said,
though no bridegroom ever pressed,
fairer bosom to his breast,
mortal flesh must come to clay,
even this shall pass away!

Fighting on a furious field,
Once a javelin pierced his shield;
Soldiers with a loud lament
Bore him bleeding to his tent;
Groaning from his tortured side,
"Pain is hard to bear," he cried,
"But with patience, day by day,
Even this shall pass away."

Towering in the public square,
Twenty cubics in the air,
Rose his statue, carved in stone,
Then, the king, disguised, unknown,
Stood before his sculptured name
Musing meekly, "What is fame?
Fame is but a slow decay
Even this shall pass away."

Struck with palsy, sere and old,
Waiting at the gates of gold,
Said he with his dying breath;
"Life is done, but what is death?"
Then, in answer to the King,
Fell a sunbeam on his ring,
Showing by a heavenly ray,
"Even this shall pass away."

--- Theodore Tilton

The Crocodile Rider

1st day of a camp for school kids that me and my friend Sim had organized. We both- young girls- were very new in this field. This was just my 3rd camp and sim’s 2nd as an organizer.

We had approached a “well known” nature related organization to take control of all the activities. This is an international organization- with funds pouring in from around the world! Still they charged us a hefty Rs. 100 per head for giving their services. We had 60 students- and both of us were damn tensed as to how we would manage so many kids. But the director had said he had once handled a crowd 3 times bigger than this, so I was at ease.

We reach the camp site with the students and I see the director standing at the dormitory with 2 more volunteers. I calculated- its going to be 5 against 60 students! Hope his men are experienced!

The director stood in front of my students and opened his mouth, “ helllllo shtudents!”

I thought I heard wrong.

“Me and you come here for this beautiful foresht. The next 3 days I take you in and out and up and down in this jungle and take you round and round till you know this place like the back of your hand!”

Sim looked at me with an exclamation on her head! Well! I was as confused as her. I had spoken just once with this guy before coming for the camp and the rest of the times I had corresponded via e-mails. The 1 time I had spoken to him he seemed extremely fluent in English and his e mails also were no indication to what we were in for.

“He is probably trying to make the students laugh!” I try to relax Sim with a pat on her back!

“ I don’t find this remotely funny!” she says with a stern look. “Are you sure….”
I stop her before she bombards her questions on me, because I don’t have any answers.

“Late me tell you firsht about the so many experiences I have got over the past 28 years in this profession!”

1 of the guy, a student standing at the back of the line, close to us whispers in his friend’s ear- “ I bet he’s hardly 30! Saala, hamko shendi lagata hai!”

Now, Sim has started twisting and crunching her shendi- an indication that she’s losing her patience! And I want to somehow go and shut his mouth!

“Once around 3 years back I get call on my this cell” – he shows his brand new Nokia cell! [The boy in the last row- “this model was not there 3 years back!”]
( Does this cost Rs. 6000/- ? my money that I paid him for his services? No! It looks costlier- this guy has to be a fraud! )

“Sir sir help help! That man says. There is a crocodile in my farm. It is hiding in the tank- please take it out- please!” the director says proudly- my students are listening intently now- and so are me and Sim!

“I say, it is 3 am in the morning, let it be there – we will take it out in the morning. But he says no sir- you are my last hope. The forest people are not even picking up the phone. You are the only man in this world I know who can do this Herculean task! So I get up , take 2 of my volunteers and go to the farm. The crocodile was big! it was 6 ft long. There was water in the tank and we couldn’t see it fully. So me and my 2 volunteers surround tank in 3 sides , slowly slowly without moving the water we got into the tank. I think the crocodile was sleeping at that time!”

( I want to cry- I want to die! Who the hell are we stuck here with? And my money? Oh my god? What will the parents say? They will say I ate their money!)

Director continues…….. “So you imagine we are in waist level water and no crocodile to be seen. Suddenly I realize something is moving between my 2 legs….”

“it’s your cock, you fool!” - boy in the last row.

It’s a good joke, but I and Sim look at each other unable to react- we are numb!

Director is totally involved in his story now…. “ and I know it is that croc!”

The big boys standing behind giggle- its d words- cock n croc which create d confusion.

He is now showing the action packed drama with movements - “Taking the right opportunity I sat on the back of the croc( he shows as if he’s sitting on a pulsar) - I caught its neck tightly and it tried to move around the tank but my hold is like that- strong- once I catch something I don’t let go off it that easily. That is how I did my job- just 10 minutes it took to catch a croc; it’s a joke for me now- what? Big big people also get scared- I don’t!”

He continues with his other stories, the boys at the back are bombarding with comments- enjoying themselves with jokes. I and Sim move back, and find a peaceful place in the woods where we cannot see and hear him.

After what seemed like a long silence, Sim somewhat recovered from the shock- “I watch crocodile hunters almost every day, I didn’t see even Steve Irwin do these stunts. You need minimum 3 to 4 people when you want to catch a croc, isnt it ?”

“Don’t ask me, please…..”

“ I can actually picture the whole thing- him, this kadi pehelwan on a 6 ft male adult croc, catching its neck and the croc taking him on a ride! It reminds me of that monkey and croc story- those 2 friends on the banks of the river…..”

“ Sim please! I know that story alright! Now tell me what to do?”

“Fire him!”

“What?”

“Well! I don’t know anything about him except that he is a good entertainer! Don’t you see? The kids love his stories!”

But I decided against it. I gave him a 2nd chance and a 3rd and a 4th. And Sim was wrong- the man wasn’t even a good entertainer. He was just a waste of our time and money. We fired him- and rescheduled the entire camp. The whole situation made me so sad, I cried! I like at least some degree of professionalism when dealing with kids and money. Or in any other business dealings actually. This situation turned into a mental block- a sort of a jinx on me, I decided I didn’t want to organize any camps anymore. The kids and their parents were furious on us of course, and the sad part was we both had started out with innocent intentions. We didn’t take any money- but lost a lot of money and confidence in the bargain!

Today, I just returned from another camp that I organized for a trust. My father took the whole responsibility and placed the kids under my guidance. The jinx was broken within hours of the camp. I am happy I could get over the mental block within just 1 year. Mistakes, bad experiences keep happening- the important part is bouncing back! Getting up after you fall. It takes time of course, but with a little bit of help from our loved ones-

Ain't no mountain high enough!Ain't no valley low.......Ain't no river wide enough!
To keep me from getting to you!

Yaadein

I don’t remember dates, I don’t remember names and sometimes I even forget faces! What do remain with me are situations and experiences which touched my heart! My emotional memory is so strong; I remember the slightest of things that happened to me when I was just 3 years old!

I think, that is why I am the way I am! I never repeat mistakes! Though I keep making new ones! I find it very hard to forgive, because forgetting it is so difficult in the 1st place! How can I forgive without forgetting?

When I was 3 years old, I remember my parents and my entire family had gone to Dudhsagar waterfall! It was a rainy day, and my mother was holding me! There were a few tourists there, and they were most probably north Indians cause they spoke in hindi. They befriended my family and for the rest of the day we all hanged out together. I remember this particular incident cause one of them asked my mom to hand me over to him, and she did! The moment I went into his arms, I knew something was wrong with this man…he wasn’t right! I wanted to go back to my mom and started swinging myself towards her! I could feel his hand go inside my dress, when things really crossed the line I started crying and my mother took me away! That was my 1st experience with abuse- sexual abuse at the age of 3! That is the reason, even when my aunts with their young one’s would hand them over to strangers I would get extremely scared and keep a 100% watch on the stranger! When I was comfortable enough to talk about it, sometime at the age of 15, I would directly say it, “ its not good to hand over your children to strangers!”

Many woman might find my behavior to be too particular or fussy! But because a child doesn’t know how to ask for help, you have to be there the whole time to protect her/him! So my advice to everyone- please, never trust a stranger with your children, especially when traveling- do not leave them unattended!

When I was 12, that was the 1st time I was traveling by bus! I was wearing a short dress and my mother couldn’t come to pick me up and so I had to take a bus home! A man, in his mid 30’s got into d same bus as me. There were 3 more women around and I was sitting with 1. This man started touching me at uncomfortable places, I told the woman sitting besides me and she simply turned her face the other side as if nothing had happened. My heart was beating so fast, I felt someone had glued me to my seat! For total 10 minutes I was numb! And he touched again…….I don’t know what triggered a reaction in my brain? I was carrying a big umbrella- it was august- still raining! And hit it where it hurts men the most. And I didn’t stop with one blow, I kept hitting repeatedly- I wanted to kill him! The man fell down, due to slippery floor and the woman sitting next to me came to stop me- “ haath laynaka na jalyar tujeruy don ditle!” “Don’t you touch me or I’ll hit you!” The woman backed out, but the man ran away! I still remember him. I am sure he was a pedophile! When I was 15, I saw him around the bus stop again- I wanted to drag him to the police station.

 I stay very close to the bus stand and pass by it almost every day- and I am on a look out for him…..the day I see him, now that I know I can take an action- I swear I wont let him stand there! A maniac is out there, and our innocent children can be victimized!

The very next day, I joined karate- karate gave me the confidence to hit, and scream out loud, and say a loud “ NO” when it is required!

Now, I know I am not a karate kid and I am not that strong too, what is required is a fearless mind and the confidence- no matter who you are up against- fight you must, if you have to!

The fear within me is gone….but the painful memories still fresh and they always will be!

GURU

Yato hasta-stato drushti, yato drushti-stato manaha!
Yato mana-stato bhavo, yato bhava-stato rasaha!

Where there is hand- the eyes follow, where there is eyes- the soul follows!
Where there is soul- the expressions follow, when there is expressions- the audience enjoys your performance!


Bharatnatyam is a 2000 year old dance style and comes from the state – Tamil Nadu!
Throughout my life I’ve enjoyed dancing and watching performances and especially classical dance recitals!




And throughout my life I ran behind some degrees and study portions which I never was interested in the 1st place! How much time I wasted pursuing a so called career which always failed to touch my soul!

July 2009, I don’t know what was in that morning, but I headed straight to Kalaangan – one of the major institutes in Margao and Goa providing art facilities!

“I want to enquire about the Bharatnatyam dance classes!”
“Who is it for?” The lady at the register asks!
“It’s for me! And I want to find out if you have a full time Bharatnatyam course here!”
“ No ma’am. I am sorry. We just have classes twice a week!”

Well! That was the answer I got from every institute! What’s wrong with these people? I wondered? Isn’t there anybody in today’s age who wants to pursue dance or music full time? Is it worth being only a part time/ hobby activity?

Why are we Indians going crazy about this 20th century invention called “ jobs?”
Is that all we study for and live and die for? A job?

Well! Coming back to the issue at hand, I was adamant! Somewhere in me there was this urgency….. Janaki, you’ve already wasted so much time!”

I urge the lady to inquire with their boss, Mr. Talak and call me back in case there’s some provision like that!

2 weeks pass by.......

And then 1 day, the lady calls back. “Would 4 times a week do for you ma’am?”
“What time?”
“Any time you want!”
“Perfect!”

The next day morning at 8 am, I go to Kalaangan. The area is a residential, but as I’d always seen in my earlier visits, there were no small girls and their mothers waiting, there was no crowd. There was no one! But the classroom was open, I go in to find another girl, almost my age ( or younger?) waiting there reading some books! She looks up at me, “ Janaki?” ……. “ hmmm…Yes!” “Hi! I am Lalan, your dance teacher!” . I have a good look at Lalan! She’s shorter, thinner, younger looking than me! “These people sent one of their students to teach me or what?” I wonder in my head!

“Is this the Bharatnatyam class?” Lalan and I turn back to see another girl, our age!


This was Hazel, my dance class colleague, and my teacher Lalan- is a MA in Bharatnatyam!

“Oh? So you have a degree in that too?”
“Of course! Our teacher, Dr. Suchetatai Chapekar from Pune is a Ph. D in Bharatnatyam!”

Why the hell nobody told me about this when I was growing up? Why did people only tell me about engineering, medicine, and law?

Our classes began; the 1st few months made the class a torture cell! Bharatnatyam involves a basic bending position of the legs called “ Ayata” – and that is extremely painful because we are not used to bend our legs in regular life! unlike Kathak which is done standing. Bharatnatyam also involves full body movements- movements of hands, legs, neck, waist- full expressions and jumps!

Everybody at home kept asking me, “You are not going to continue, are you? look at you, you cant even walk now-a days! It looks like someone beat you up!”

And I thought- after all, maybe, this isn’t made for me!

And then 1 day, Lalan told us she was going to perform in Mardol for a function there. so I thought I should really go and see what my teacher dances like! The program was to start at 12. ( at night) it started at around 1.15am.

And then the program finally started. My teacher came on the stage!
I’ve seen many classical dance recitals till date- but none like Lalan’s- she was fantabulous! The next 15 mins I’d forgotten all about the various pain locations in my body- all I knew was- I want to learn how to dance from this lady, and some day- I want to dance like her!

A whole lot depends on your teacher! It is said “ guru is like brahma- the creator, guru is like Vishnu- the protector and guru is like maheshwara- the destroyer of all evil within us. And so ,Guru is parabrahma- the ultimate reality. And to such a guru, I bow!”




Today- Lalan, hazel and I make a wonderful team! I wait for every morning, to go and learn something new from Lalan. I find it extremely difficult to wake up early, coz I sleep very late at nights- I like it that way. Hazel wakes me up with a ring . when we meet up- we have a 5 min chat- all of us laugh, and share some life story and then dance with our mind and soul in it!

Yato hasta-stato drushti, yato drushti-stato manaha!
Yato mana-stato bhavo, yato bhava-stato rasaha!