Random Letter to someone Part 6 ( Falling in and out of love)

Dear Someone,

I still remember the 1st time he SMS'd and the 1st time he called, I was least interested in his SMS's and the calls....I hardly spoke, many times did not bother replying to messages....but he pursued till he got my full attention, he pursued till I was convinced that he was genuine, and just when I relaxed.....he dropped the chase!

Now when I call or SMS, I get the same treatment I gave him once. Just the reasons are different. The reason I once ignored him is because I did not want to be his toy, whom he uses to his heart's desire and throws away. The reason he drops the chase is because he doesn't find things working out for us any more.

This and so many heartless, senseless reasons boys give girls every single day and break their hearts! I know of girls who play with boys hearts too, I wouldn't say I disapprove, but oh I hate it when it happens to me. I hate it when someone plays with my heart, I hate it when he makes it sound like its no big deal!

Damn! It is a big deal!

Why can't people be consistent in their words for once? Why do people promise when they don't have the courage to make things happen? Why do people take the liberty to change someone's life and then leave without saying a goodbye? Why do people make others dependent on themselves, only to snatch back that soothing hand some day?

I have seen a few couples who have made things work out for them in spite of all the odds. I've seen them cry away nights, it was easier for them at that point to drop the relationship and start out again, but they hung on, they made it work!

Every relationship has its trials and its errors. Nothing's ever perfect! Who wants perfection? Perfection is boring...a little bit of spice is always required to make life interesting! But so many people run away from the slightest trouble and pain, the slightest challenge and they shudder and they declare their defeat!

It's okay if you are wrong, as long as you do it with conviction and courage! How is it possible to take the right step always? But running away?? Why do people run away from a situation? Why do they back off?

There are a few tricks in politics, maybe this is one of those. When you are against a situation you aren't very sure of, you rather fight a little and then disappear into the darkness than keep on fighting till the end, till your complete defeat. Its called the Guerrilla warfare.

While the picture is all rosy and nice in the beginning, towards the end of it, all that remains is pure warfare. And then on, its all fair......running away, hiding, pursuit , public displays....whatever you choose....Its fair!~

Love

J

The Village Witch ( Part 8)

It had been 2 days since Anjali was missing. The police hadn’t come up with any information. Shankar decided he had to take matters in his own hands before he lost his daughter forever. He realized that the only people who could guide and help him would be the sadhus, the tantriks and the aghoris of the village, who usually meditated in unknown and quiet places, away from the city.


With the help of some old and knowledgeable village folks , Shankar was able to get together a team of individuals who would help him in his quest. A sadhu who owned an ashram on a hill, a tantrik famous in the nearby village for his 6th sense and an aghori meditating in the village crematorium grounds, some village folks who wandered in the country side and knew the hills and the plains well, the inspector and his assistant. Upon discussing the issue and checking out the map of the area, leaving out the places which were already searched by the police, Shankar zeroed down his search to 3 places, all in 3 opposite corners of the village, some far, some close by.

1 was a thick forest, a national park , the core area of which was hardly ever touched.

The second area was the mountain behind the Ashram of the Sadhu. The sadhu said that area was perfect for hiding, meditation and other private activities. Smuggling and poaching went on freely in those areas.

The 3rd was an underwater cave formed near the river. The cave was accessible only during low tides, at other times the river water blocked the entrance. The possibilities of anybody staying or hiding there for more than a day were negligible. But nobody could say for sure how deep the cave was, and whether there was an opening from the other side.



The Sadhu and some of his students volunteered to head into the mountains. Since they were closer to the area and had a better idea.

The inspector headed to the national park.

Shankar with his brothers and the Aghori headed to the cave.

Time was of utmost importance; whatever they thought, decided and acted upon had to be done at lightning speed.



Anjali felt her heart being pressed by some force.....her entire body was being controlled by some powerful energy...so much so that she couldn’t even breath on her own, her breath was controlled by someone else.

She couldn’t open her eyes, couldn’t move her legs and hands, she couldn’t speak but her mind was alert.

Suddenly she felt the force over her eyes loosen a bit and so she opened her eyes.

The 1st thing she saw were Meghna’s bright brown eyes that looked at her with a piercing gaze.

After having committed the mistake of approaching Meghna at night alone , this was her 2nd biggest mistake...to look into a witch’s eyes!

This was what Meghna was working at all the time. Everything was absolutely working as per the plan. If Anjali had looked anywhere else, getting her focus would have been difficult. Meghna would have to repeat the whole process of putting her under a spell and keeping her stable in that condition.

Anjali realized that Meghna was naked, she sat straight in front of her while Anjali, also naked was lying on some sort of a platform. Meghna breathed heavily, forcefully and Anjali realized that she too was breathing at the same rhythm...her breath was no more hers....it was Meghna’s.



Outside the cave, Shankar and the team prepared to dive into the water to enter the cave.



In her breathing and her meditations, Meghna realized that she had very little time to attain what she wanted...she had senses as sharp as a snake that picked up on heat and ground vibrations. Her sight was as piercing as that of an eagle, and her movements were as swift and graceful like a wild cat.



Anjali had only three strengths with which she could save herself-

1. Her eyesight,

2. 2nd: Her thought process or her brain and

3. her ears, she could hear everything that went on.



Her eyes were halfway under Meghna’s spell , and they were giving her away very quickly.....The eyes are the doors to one’s soul and that’s what Meghna was pushing in for....her soul! Anjali thought, with all her heart, with all the kindness that she had, she tried to plead with Meghna to spare her life. Meghna retorted back, “Be thankful that I’m not wishing you the same fate as mine....”

Anjali tried hard to free herself in every way.... but it was too difficult....Meghna’s breath and eyes had locked her down completely. After Anjali’s eyes were stable, Meghna got up from her seat and came close to Anjali. She calmly closed Anjali’s eyelids, as another of her senses closed down ,.....Anjali’s soul screamed for help, Anjali screamed for mercy.....At this point Anjali’s mind raced through every bit of her memory, every bit of emotion.

She remembered her father sitting with the wise man and the wise man had said Anjali will always be attracted towards the dark arts, she has the making of a powerful witch, but there is someone more sharper than her lurking besides her who is capable of taking away Anjali’s future, for better or worse!

She remembered some of Meghna’s last mails, she had cried for help, she pleaded Anjali to somehow come back and take her out of this hell, that her life and dreams were falling apart, that she is losing herself too soon...and her only hope was Anjali........ “This is the reason I am being punished? But I was only a child, I’m able to deal with it now, and I came back for you....I’m sorry I was late....please Meghna, I am innocent, I always wanted to help you.”



Meghna took a deep breath and touched Anjali’s feet.....Anjali felt a sensation , quite unknown to her......her legs were going numb and cold....as if dead! Then Meghna took another deep breath and moved both her hands upwards towards Anjali’s knees...everything Meghna touched was going numb and cold......Anjali realized this was the final assault...she was dying.....and she couldn’t do anything to stop the witch! Meghna took a third deeper breath and moved her hands over Anjali’s legs till they were dead!

Tears rolled down Anjali’s face..... “stop it please...please ...noooo.....God....please...help me, please!”

Meghna threw back her head and took a deeper breath and moved her hands over Anjali’s pelvis.



With the help of diving equipment , Shankar, 1 diver and the aghori made their way into the dark, untouched cave! After around 15 minutes of swimming, they reached a large rock that looked like the end of the cave. The diver went around the area to see if there was any opening anywhere, but there was none.



Meghna was breathing so heavy, Anjali could hear her breath, as Meghna started her journey towards Anjali’s heart and lungs....Anjali realized that her time was almost up and there was no point in praying. She thought about all the beautiful times she had with her parents and at college, but more than anybody else she thought about her father the most and realized that all this time, he had tried to protect her and save her from this day...and now all his efforts were in vein! She felt sorry for her parents....



Shankar saw a small iron rod fallen at the floor of the cave. He pointed it out to the diver. When the diver tried to pick it up, he realized that it was stuck and heavy. It wasn’t just any rod....



Meghna realized she was almost done when she felt Anjali’s last breath settling down. Meghna felt like a python, gulping its prey slowly and choking down the victim till the last breath...Her hands moved upwards towards Anjali’s neck and her face to complete the act!

Anjali..though had breathed her last, was still alive. She heard foot steps, she heard her father’s voice calling out to her...That was the last she heard, a few moments later she felt silence! Pure silence!



When Shankar ran into the cave, he saw Meghna lying on a platform and another woman bent on her, holding Meghna’s forehead.

When he approached the other woman, she looked up “Papa...” she said faintly and collapsed in his arms. Shankar covered his daughter with a shawl which was lying around....he was so happy and glad that he had found his daughter!

The Village Witch The Concluding part

The Village Witch (Part 7)

When Anjali opened her eyes, the first thing she saw were candles, lots of candles, all around her! Anjali got up and realized she was in a comfortable bed. The room or the place where the bed was, looked like a lion’s den. It had rocky walls and a rocky roof and a mud floor. There was an antique table and a chair at one side of the room and a shelf with lots of big old ancient books in the other. The room was cool and calm.


Anjali wondered how she got there. The last thing she remembered was the old temple tree and Meghna talking to her about something, what? She couldn’t tell. When she moved towards the right side of the bed to get down , a big black furry cat jumped on the right side of the bed ,stopping Anjali from getting down.

“Hey Kitty...” Anjali picked up the cat in her lap and gently moved her hands on her soft velvety coat, the cat enjoyed the touch and asked for more of it. While patting the cat, Anjali found the collar in the cat’s neck had a very peculiar looking stone, when she tried to reach for it to take a closer look, the cat scratched Anjali on her face and ran away.

“Ouch! Bad Kitty!”

“Oh she’s very temperamental! Did she hurt you?” Meghna had entered the room. Anjali looked up and was shocked to see a beautiful woman with long curly hair, her skin glowed in the soft candle lights and her eyes looked bright and fresh. She wore a long flowing golden skirt that looked very bright  and a white shawl covered her upper body. Meghna handed Anjali a glass of flavoured milk. “Drink it. It’s good for you. You haven’t eaten anything for 2 days!”

“Two days? What put me to sleep for two days?”

“You couldn’t cope up with some of the magic I used for the disappearing act. It’s a whole lot of energy to bear...you have to be very strong for that.”

“Is this really you Meghna? I cannot recognise you, you looked so different at the tree...”

“Do you think you are the most beautiful Anjali?”

Anjali could not understand why Meghna taunted everytime, why was she so mean?

“Do you have to speak so crooked every time? Why are you mad at me?”

“Oh thank god! You finally do understand that I’m mad at you.”

“Why? Because I’m so late in helping you out?”

“Lady...you seriously need some reality check! You are mistaken if you believe that YOU are here to help ME! I can help myself, seriously.”

“It didn’t look like that when you screamed at the temple tree!”

“I was staging an act.....Don’t you get it by now? How else would you walk on your own in my arms?”

“What?”, Anjali’s head was throbbing , she couldn’t think much, couldn’t move much. Meghna took the glass of milk to her mouth and Anjali drank the liquid.

“What is this thing?” Anjali asked, but it was too late. She fell back again on the bed.

Meghna gave a sigh of relief, and turned back to her apparatus. Just a few more days and her life’s biggest goal was within arm’s length!

The Village Witch Part 8

The Village Witch (Part 6)

The night was eerie and dark. The street dogs howled loudly and it felt like they were a pack of wolves.Anjali wrapped a black shawl around herself and walked towards the temple. She was carrying a faint torch that showed her a faint way. She knew she did not have much time until maa informed her father and everyone started searching for her. On reaching the tree, she found Meghna still tied, her head was dropped to her chest and one couldn't tell if she was alive or dead, her long hair covered her face...it made her look very scary. When Anjali took a few steps towards her, a strong voice emerged from somewhere around the tree, "Who is it?", It said.




Anjali though under training in wicca for 2 and a half years was still an amateur and at this point she was genuinely scared. The time on her watch showed midnight.



There was no movement from Meghna.

But the voice repeated the order, harsher this time, " If you take a step closer I will slice you into 1000 pieces and eat all of it....tell me, who are you?", The voice was deep and adamant.



"Anjali"



The moment Anjali told her name, Meghna's head shot up.This sudden movement scared Anjali even more. Her right hand had already reached her pocket knife.



Suddenly Meghna's body language changed seeing Anjali. She stood erect facing Anjali.

After a few tense seconds, Anjali raised her torch to see Meghna's face from where she stood. The torch wasn't helping her , in fact Meghna looked like a witch in the faint torch light- long scattered hair, bluish black face, and strong dark eyes that reflected light as if she was an animal.



Anjali drew in a deep breath and walked closer to Meghna, carefully. When she was close enough to touch her, she reached her pocket and took out the knife and cut the ropes which were cutting through Meghna's hands. The moment the ropes went loose, Meghna lost her balance and fell to the ground. Anjali reached out to help her but the 1st touch to Meghna's body was so scary that she drew back her hands. Meghna's skin was coarse, cold and hard.

After a few seconds, Anjali got herself together, took out the water bottle from her bag and lifted Meghna's head to help her drink the water.



As Meghna drank the water, Anjali moved her soft manicured hands over Meghna’s coarse skin.

“We should leave now, before anybody finds out. You wait here till I go and get my car.” Anjali spoke for the first time.



Meghna stopped drinking the water and got up on her own and sat straight, Anjali was amazed at her strength.

“ I thought you were a witch.” Meghna’s tone had changed. It definitely wasn’t the same voice that had asked Anjali her name. This new tone was light, almost felt like a taunt, but Anjali was too occupied with other thoughts to catch the witty remark.

“so?”

“Why do you need a car? Don’t you have a broom?” Meghna let out a small chuckle.

Anjali took a good hard look at Meghna now, "I realize you are taunting me. I risked everything to come here to save you, you have been beaten like an animal today and now at night when I free your hands, and give you some water to drink, you show me attitude?” Anjali was getting angry.

Meghna drew a long heavy breath, drank some more water, smiled at Anjali and asked her, “ Are they still teaching you Abracadabra and those classic dark poetry as magic spells? Isn’t it like – Before the night is over, before the day is through, whatever you have done to others, will come right back at you......or how about this one- Darksome powers of the night, gather round my candle’s flame, send my enemy in shaded flight, send my enemy away in shame....”



“Are you making fun of Wicca?”



“I am only telling you a small part of the whole truth my darling. Wicca and dark arts are not a hobby, not a side business or some activity to kill your time. And it is not something that you can learn by devoting an hour everyday by hearting the so called spells. These spells work as much as any statement of hatred and ill wish. It’s all in the mind, if you wish bad to someone with all your heart, no matter with what words.....it’s bound to affect that person, only if he has really done wrong to you. Tell me Anji, have you felt the power increase in you after starting to learn Wicca?”



“I have the confidence that I can fight anything...that’s the reason I’m here tonight.”



“Oh Anji, I’m not talking about hiding behind the door while your mum runs to the window thinking you jumped off into the darkness...”



Anjali was now speechless..., “How do you....”



“There’s a difference between staging magic and the real magic, don’t you think? What you are being taught and what you do are tricks that will work in front of an uneducated illiterate illogical and slow thinking audience...yes! Not in front of me Anji!”



Far away, there were noises of some cars heading towards the temple that broke the girl's conversation,

“Oh god! I think they are coming for me....what do we do?” Anjali panicked.

Meghna calmly got up and looked at the tiny fast moving lights heading their way.



Shankarji, Devidasji ( Shankar’s elder brother), Yogesh (the driver) were heading straight to the temple. In the faint temple light, From far off they could see two figures standing near the tree.
One moment, they saw them,

The next- They were gone!

(To be continued.....) The Village Witch Part 7

The Village Witch ( Part 5)

“You have a flight to catch day after tomorrow and you are joining work from Monday...you don’t have much time left.”

“ I know papa, but I’m not feeling well,how can you send me back in such a condition? Maa..., what should I do?”

Anji looked at her mother with very kind , innocent and sympathetic eyes. Papa knew why Anji wanted to stay longer . So before Maa would start her emotional drama, Papa declared,

“Fine. You are staying! But not here. There’s too much dust here, besides there’s no Air conditioning. You should probably stay at our flat which is 2 hours drive from here. You can definitely travel for 2 hours Anji!”


“I’m staying here papa.” She declared in a firm, unemotional tone with a straight look at her father. Her tone was so stoic and dry, that it shocked everyone present in the room as to how a girl looking as sweet as Anji talk in a voice like that. The voice did not sound as if it belonged to her, it came from somewhere else.

“What did you say?” Papa thought he was mistaken about what he just heard.

“I said I’m staying. I’m staying in my house and my village till I want to. Nobody can force me out of here.”

The father and the daughter kept looking at each other for several moments. Shanker realized for the very 1st time that his daughter had changed...and it wasn’t the kind of change that comes with normal ageing....it was different, it was that which he feared, always. It was the growth that was predicted of his daughter....but how? He wondered!
“Nobody can change the destiny Mr.Shankar!” Shankar remembered the words of the wise man.

“No.” Shankar had declared, “I will not let this happen to my daughter!”

“Mr. Shankar, why do you feel something wrong or bad will happen to your daughter?? Her stars nowhere predict pain or suffering to her! Your daughter will be fine.”



Shankar shook himself out of his reverie. He looked harder at Anji who was still looking at him, who was challenging him- head front. Shankar turned to look at his wife, “Pack her bags, I've had enough of her already! we are leaving right now. And I want to see who can stop me.” He left the room in a fury, Anjali heard him calling out to their driver, giving instructions to prepare for departure immediately.

Next moment, Anji got out of bed swiftly,

“What are you doing Anji?” Aunt Sarita asked worried, as just a couple of minutes back Anji could hardly stand on her feet.

“I’m getting ready, you must have heard what father said. His word is final for us, isn’t it maa?”

The stress on “Father” was prominent. Anji had never called her father anything other than papa.

“I need to change. Can I have some privacy?”

“Maybe I should stay. You are not well anyway.” Maa offered help.

“Do I look like I need help?”

Maa left the room. She had no say in the house. Not that the other’s in the house ever stopped her from speaking, but she could never understand what the ego and the attitude was for? Why exercise control over another being? Why act like a king? Why the aggression? These questions were beyond her understanding. She let her husband and her daughter live the way they wanted as long as she got to live the way she wanted.

15 minutes later when maa knocked on the door, the room was empty. Anji was gone. All her colourful clothes lay on the bed. There was no note, only the room window stood open.

Maa could hardly breathe at the site, she weakly ran to the window which was on the 1st floor of the haveli. Right down from the window was rocky ground that stretched back into the thick dark forest. There was absolutely no sign of her...

( To be continued......)
The Village Witch Part 6

The Village Witch (Part 4)

1 Day before Amavasya

The Villagers divided themselves in groups. These teams were heading in search of Meghna, the village witch. They carried swords, ropes, mashaals and every other kind of weapon available in the village. As if  you can fight a real witch with all that. The teams comprised of all men, of various age groups. They all looked very proud, because they were doing the most important task!

The village temple's main Pandit said a few prayers to protect these holy men from the Witch. He gave the teams his best blessings and God's prashaad, and the teams started out in 4 different directions at around 5 pm.

Meghna sat under the old bare peepal tree. She knew exactly at what time the villagers would arrive at the spot.

The 3rd team which had headed south arrived at the bare peepal tree at around 5.20pm. They carried on their usual drama of spotting the witch, then deciding as to who will come and catch hold of her and pull her to the main village. They came, tied her hands and pulled her to the village without a word being said and nobody being abusive to her. But the moment the village crowd came into focus, the eldest in the team, a 55 year old father of 2 daughters and a drunkard 5 times a week, took the centre stage! He tied Meghna tightly to the tree in front of the temple and applied on her some sort of powder that the Pandit had given him. The villagers were now cheering the 3rd team and shouting abuses at the witch...some old women even spit at Meghna. The old man then started slapping the witch mercilessly and kicking her in her stomach.


The Temple wasn't far off from Anjali's Haveli. She heard the noise and came into the balcony.
She realised that Pushpa and Sarita auntie were heading towards the temple with a plate full of some flowers and incense. Anjali wore a jacket on her sleeveless top and rushed down to join her aunts.
She met her father in the doorway.

At this point, the slapping and beating had crossed bearable levels for Meghna and she screamed like an animal who's being torn apart by wolves!

Anjali heard the screaming and got restless. "What's happening at the temple?"
"Anji, go back to your room." Her father declared.
" Are these screams Meghna's?"
"It doesn't matter us!"
"Then what does papa? My job? Your business? Our happiness! That's it?", She was getting angry at her father now.
"Go up.....Now!"
The order was followed by a moment of silence in which Shankar thought he had scared his little girl, but he was wrong. In a swift move, she crossed him and ran towards the door.

"Anji NOOO! Satish, Yogesh, get her in! RIGHT NOW!"

Shankar's driver and the gardener ran behind Anjali who ran with all her heart towards the temple. Anjali was a fit female who worked out regularly, whereas Satish and Yogesh with their old age and big bellies could hardly keep up with her pace.

Anjali reached the crowd and pushed the people to reach the centre of the crowd, to the tree.

The cheering had got louder and so had Meghna's painful screams.
When Anjali came face to face with Meghna, it just took her a moment to take in the entire act! The merciless beating had left her friend's face blue and blood oozed out of her forehead,nose,ears and hands.....Anjali's knees went weak..they could not support her anymore. Her brain had suddenly stopped functioning! Meghna watched Anjali falling down in front of her. Their eyes met. She stopped screaming and kept looking at Anjali. The villagers noticed the change in the witch, the old men's beating got worse....but for a moment, everything seemed to stop...when their eyes met and Meghna asked Anjali, "What took you so long?"

The next second, the driver and the gardener arrived and lifted Anjali and took her to the Haveli. The beating continued for as long as everyone got tired of screaming, cheering and hitting.

The village witch was left tied to the tree the whole night!



(To be continued....)
The Village Witch Part 5

The Village Witch ( Part 3)

“Leech of my life that sucks my soul
May you be fed to wolfish fiends whole.
Those that skin you of your joy
May you be subject to their vicious ploys.
Oozing droplets of your blood
May their goblets it royally flood."


4 YEARS BACK

"Caroline, wait for me...."
Anjali ran briskly behind Caroline, her room-mate who was heading towards the library after the face off they had in their room a couple of minutes back.

"Anjali, maybe its best if I change the room. Or maybe its best if I leave the city.......", Caroline said between her tears.
"Wh...Why?"
Caroline stopped midway and looked at Anjali,
"I haven't been able to make a single friend here, nobody likes me...not that I care...But I want to be amongst my people, those who understand me."

"Well! That's not totally true......I'm your friend, am I not?"
"Friends don't look at each other as if they are ghosts!!", Taunted Caroline.

"Caroline, you just told me you are a witch! A witch!!" Stressed Anjali," Do you know what that sounds like?"

"A ghost?? You know Anjali, I thought you were different, but your reaction to me was so damn typical!"

"Caroline, you aren't giving me any time to digest these facts! I am not rejecting you okay? It's just been 6 months since I landed in this country, I'm miles away from home, I find this sweet girl as my room mate and just when I find myself getting comfortable, I come to know the girl sleeping next to me is a witch! How am I to react??"

Caroline was quiet.

"I don't know what being a witch means Caroline. I don't know if it means sitting on a broom or making potions in those huge pots, or wearing those crooked hats and saying those curses and spells, and turning people into frogs......I don't know! I don't know how I am to behave with you, whether I've to be careful of you, whether you have those strange powers, whether you can disappear......what are you Caroline? And how can you be a witch? I mean come on, this is the 21st century...this aint Harry Potter! I'm mud blood by the way.....and..."

"Shut up! Just Shut up!"

Both the girls kept looking at each other. Anjali knew she had lost sense of what she was talking.
"Come with me!"

Caroline held Anjali's arm and led her towards the back of the library.......into a world Anjali never thought existed, into the lives of the people most of us think don't exist, into the adventure that was to define what Anjali would be for the rest of her life- A Witch!

The Village Witch Part 4

Random Letter to Someone ( Part 5- Abt Dating, seduction and possibilities)

Dear Someone,

Today morning I came across an absurd site while browsing for information. ( I know I've left my story: "The village witch", halfway. The trouble is the kind of twist I want to give . It requires substantial knowledge of Wicca or at least some understanding of the art , less I make logical errors and write a story that's unbelievable.)

So while browsing for info on Wicca I came across this site---------> www.realman.in , and it totally caught me by surprise as its a site which boasts of training men on the Art of Attraction and seduction. What more? It conducts workshops in my city!

I carefully went through the contents of the site and let me confess, I found it interesting! This is what the film "Hitch" is based on. I don't understand what made the female lead go mad on Hitch ( Will Smith) for teaching men to hook up the woman of their dreams!! I mean come on!! Isn't it better for us women to be in the company of a man who knows how to treat us, how to make us laugh and entertain us rather than accompany a nervous wrack??

We women long for the man of our dreams throughout our lives- Someone with the right looks, the right manners and the right words! But how many times do we really come across a man who knows how to treat us?? I know many women must be thinking that it's better to have the company of a man who is himself than a man who's been taught to behave in a particular way! But Hello?? Haven't all of us learnt the ways to talk and to walk, through some or the other medium? This workshop is just a step ahead of self teaching! This workshop is where the experts tell you what is the best for you, so what's the harm?

I shared the link with some of my friends and I got different reactions. Men who are confidant of their art and approach think this is bullshit! Some women think this kind of thing is cheap! ( "Yuk! How desperate can you get to just have the company of a woman?? Cheap!") , Some other women thanked god! (" Ohh! The concept finally makes way into India! At least now, we'll have more fun on dates!"), some men with whom I shared the link thanked me for sharing the info with them! My personal opinion is, "Now that "Hitch" is here, when will "Speed Dating" make its way into Indian Society??

I'd really like to meet the well groomed men who know what to say and do and who don't shy away from the truth that our whole life is actually just a game of attraction! There's nothing cheap about the universal truth, that seduction is and always will be something that will capture our minds!

For those men and women who want to make this topic an issue of ego, vulgarity and treat it as something negative, yeah you can have your way- Please go ahead and complain, criticize and laugh on those who are trying to learn something new. No good ever comes out of laughing on others anyway, so yeah! waste your time! Others, if you find the link helpful, great going and wish you all the best!

Love,

J

The Village Witch! ( Part 2)

The Village Witch Part 1

"Answer me,  74 x 8?"
"592"
"Add 295 to it, how much do you get?"
"887"
"Subtract 86.3 out of that."

"Papa....This is too much!"
"Wait Anji....Tell me Meghna, what's the answer you've got?"
"800.7" Pat came the reply!

"Now divide...."

"Alright! Enough you two. I don't understand how you two calculate so fast....I don't like this game." Complained 9 year old Anjali as she picked up her doll and headed for her room.

"Wait... I want to play too." Meghna picked up her doll and ran after Anjali.

Meghna's father worked for Anjali's dad in his factory. He was the most trusted friend and associate in his business.

" Narayan, I'm planning to move to Delhi."
"Why Shankarji?"
"This village , as you know, doesn't have much scope for expansion. Besides, I've to travel to Delhi at least once a week to take care of our clients. Our business operates from Delhi though the factory is here. I suggest you too shift to Delhi. It's a better lifestyle , better business opportunities and better education for our daughters."
"Shankarji, its expensive in New Delhi. Besides , we have daughters. they'll get married and go anyway, why do you worry so much for their education?"

Shankar knew it was useless to tell these village folks the importance of education. It was foolish to expect them to treat girls and boys on par with each other. Shankar had tried a 1000 times to make Narayan not talk negatively about daughters, at least not in front of them. He had tried to explain to Narayan that Meghna is very sharp and if given the best opportunities , she'll make his entire family proud. The excuse Narayan always had was, " I cannot risk the name and honour of my family by letting Meghna have the wings to fly. You give too much in the hands of a woman and she doesn't take a minute to let you regret your decision. Women are to be controlled and subjugated, Kautilya said it Shankarji, Manu too. Our scriptures say it!"

The entire village blew up any ideas of modernization/ logical thought in the name of our great Indian traditions and society and cultural values. Shankar knew , that hanging on to the old and useless traditions would do no good to anybody. He had lost the battle to change his village long before he even started it. If his most trusted friend can not understand his point, who else would?

Shankar had decided, he would be the change! But he would not waste his time nor energy on others.
So while Anjali got the best as she grew up, all thanks to her dad; Meghna was time and again asked to compromise on her dreams. Meghna's only hope for a bright future was having Anjali and her father around, as Shankarji till a great extent was a huge influence on her father. and Shankarji was very fond of Meghna, she was almost like his 2nd daughter. Whenever Shankar went to Delhi, he would buy 2 of everything- 2 dresses, 2 dolls, 2 boxes of chocolates, 2 hair bands etc.

Anjali did not mind nor felt jealous about the situation. She was too happy to have Meghna around for company, She was her best pal! They played and studied together.


 Present Day:

Anjali had no interest in her father's business nor was she interested in getting roasted in the Indian kitchens. She had absolutely nothing to do in the haveli rather than sit and watch TV or read a book. She was the daughter of the youngest son. All her uncle's children were married and had their children. Nobody fitted in the age group that Anjali belonged to, nor was there anybody to match up to her frequency of thought.

Anjali took the task of exploring the haveli. The old uncleaned attics and basements, opening her ancestor's closets and looking through their stuff, checking out old diaries, pages of which had turned yellow with time...this sort of detective work always amazed her. She remembered Meghna and herself played many detective games in the many rooms of this haveli. Sometimes Meghna would act as the detective while Anjali would hide , other times Anjali would be the detective.

She found her old dolls and their jewelry, carefully kept in a big wooden antique box.
" I've to meet Meghna..." She thought. Meghna had been Anjali's only close pal till date. Anjali moved from 1 school to the other and from 1 country to the other, but never did she trust another person with her secrets like she did with Meghna. Meghna, though a year younger to Anjali, was always calm and wise in her behavior and advice. Both of them had kept in touch through letters for over 3 years, then the study load increased, the extra curricular activities increased, and Anjali could not remember when she stopped replying to Meghna's long mails.

" But where will I find her??" She wondered.


After lunch, Anjali decided to ask her aunts for some information on the whereabouts of Meghna.

Pushpa Auntie was the most alert woman in the family. She had an ear for gossip and details, nothing ever missed her eye or ear. Anjali casually sat next to Pushpa Auntie while watched her favorite serial after lunch. This was the best time to get information out of her, since her attention was fixed on TV.
" Auntie, Where is Narayan uncle's house?"
Auntie was a bit irritated for the disturbance caused, but Anjali was a guest, that too 1 who came after 15 years, "Narayan is dead."

"And Meghna?"

"Nobody knows where she lives."
Anjali had heard this line before, but she wanted something more.

"When and where can I see her? I mean I wanted to meet her before I go back."
Now Pushpa auntie was alert, another reason for shifting the focus on Anjali was the commercial break.
"Why do you want to meet that witch?"
"I don't believe she's a witch, she was my friend."
"Yes! She was....WAS! You don't want to get involved in the mess of this village Anji...it's not meant for girls like you."

Pushpa auntie realized that Anjali was disappointed. So she added,
" It's going to be Amavasya in 2 days, the night of the witch, the villagers will hunt her down tomorrow and tie her to the tree so that she does no black magic!"

Anjali started thinking what to do....
" Don't think too much Anji...you are going home tomorrow night!"


(To be continued....)

The Village Witch Part 3

The Village Witch ( Part 1)

"I do not wish them to have power over men, but over themselves." 

~ Mary Wollstonecraft

"Dadii......." Anjali rushed out of her car and into her grandma's arms! Anjali hugged her dadi so tight, her dad was concerned,
"Anjali....careful! Don't squeeze your Dadi, she's not your teddy bear!" He warned her.
" It's okay Beta! When she was small I used to squeeze her, now its her turn!" Dadi was just too happy to see the whole family get together after almost 15 years.

Anjali and her family, that's her dad and mum had moved to New Delhi when she was 10. Since then they hardly ever visited their village "Dumaria", in central Eastern State of Bihar. Anjali's father always wanted the best for his daughter, he thought differently from the rest of his clan. He believed in equality of genders and an education for every woman. That was something unthinkable 15 years back....it is unthinkable even till date in this part of the world.

Anjali had gone abroad for a post graduate degree in Media studies and had got internship with BBC for almost 10 months. Thereafter she applied to the top media houses around US and UK and had got a job with Viacom Networks. She had come home for a short vacation before she started with a busy career.

She was nostalgic to walk through the corridors of their haveli and climb up the stairs to their old room, which was locked for the past 15 years and was now opened and cleaned for its old masters. Anjali was too excited, too happy to meet her full family and have everyone tell her she had grown up to be so beautiful!
"Yeh toh bilkul heroine ki tarah dikhti hai....filmon mein kyon nahi jaati Anji?"
"Jaungi Mausi...aap bas dekhti raho!"

The 1st day passed by in laughter, meeting lots of relatives and eating spicy food!

Anjali lay down on her old bed , relaxed, happy and content!
" Papa, there's really nothing like home!"
Her father looked at her, " I'm glad you connect to your land even after staying far away from it all these years Anji!"
" We should have come here more often!" Anjali always complained to her father for not making enough trips to Bihar.
" I thought it was in your best interest to let you have a safe and a sound adolescence Anji! You do not know how women are treated here, you have no clue."
"I've read a lot papa....."
"There' a difference in reading and seeing , and seeing and experiencing!" Her father's voice had that note of a strict warning, of definite knowledge, and of a patriarchal protector's instincts. Anjali did not pursue the matter further, after all she was here for just a couple of days.

The next day, her father left to check out a site for a factory with her uncles.
Her mom was busy in the kitchen with aunts and other female relatives catching up on the news headlines that shook the village over the past couple of years.

Anjali walked to the huge balcony and  let the sun rays bathe her! She closed her eyes and let the wind bring to her the flavors of what cooked in the kitchen and the scent of the sun-baked Indian earth. When she opened her eyes, she saw a young woman  looking at her from the road. Anjali tried to get a clearer look by shielding her eyes from the strong rays of the sun with her right hand. The young woman did not smile, did not wave her hands, she just stood looking at Anjali. Anjali could not recognize this frail, dark woman.

"Don't you remember her?" Her aunt Sarita was at her side.
Anjali took a while to recollect, "Meghna?"
"Yes! Poor girl. Lost her mother 1st, then she was married off at 18 and her husband died within a year of their marriage due to some disease, nobody really knows what it was. Everyone blamed her for his death. They call her the village witch now. The villagers believe she has a lot of dark powers that she uses to take revenge on people. How otherwise would her mother in law die within 2 years of marriage!?! Everything sounds so strange! My god, I'm getting goose bumps!" Sarita Auntie collected her clothes from the balcony and headed for the stairs.

"Sarita auntie....., why didn't you do anything for her when she was in trouble? I mean Meghna and her father used to come home quite often , right?"

"Her father left the village after all these deaths. She is left alone here. Nobody knows where she lives.Whenever anything bad in the village happens, the villagers search for her and beat her up. And surprisingly, everything comes back to normal after that." Sarita auntie said it as a matter of fact and climbed down the stairs.

Anjali was lost for words, Beat her up? Village Witch? What nonsense is this?

She turned to look back at the road,
the Village witch was gone.

( To be continued.....)

The Village Witch Part 2

I Am In Silence!

" I am in Silence"  It was written on the badge that hung in her neck. She showed it to him and smiled sweetly.

"Of course" He thought!

How foolish of him! He had been living in the Ashram for 6 months and knew every course that went on around.
People wearing the Blue and the Orange badges were a part of the advance course and were supposed to be in silence for a period of 4 days to 1 month- depending on what level of advance course one has reached.

"Is this the the first time you are doing the advance course?" He asked.

She nodded.

"Is this your first time in Ashram?"

She moved her head to indicate a "No". And she showed 2 of her fingers.

"Oh! It's your 2nd time!"

She disagreed again and after a while took out a pen and a notepad and scribbled- "It's been 2 months since I'm here!"

"2 Months? Wow! That's strange because I've been around here 6 months but  never saw you."

She scribbled- " I was taking some ayurvedic treatments and was advised to take rest most of the times."

That's a bit strange , he thought. He was so sure he knew all the 500 or so Ashramites. He had seen them walking on some or the other road, or during Satsang's or in a Ashram office or at least meditating under a tree!
Anyway, people have their own agendas when they come to an Ashram!

She moved her hands and signaled to him that she has to go. He nodded and she left.

It was the 2nd day of her advance course of 4 days and this was the 2nd time he had seen her around the lake.
Mostly nobody came around here. The lake wasn't exactly beautiful as such. People preferred more beautiful locations like the Ashram's various themed gardens. The Japanese garden was everyone's favorite for its rock formations, small water ponds and bridges.
Lake, on the other hand was an open area, there weren't any trees around and it was full of crocks. At the most, people came here in the afternoon's to watch the crocks sunbathing, but no-one turned around this side in the evenings. The lake was at the southern tip of the Ashram , it marked the southern border of the Ashram.

Neil had been visiting the lake every day for the past 6 months. He loved water, after all he came from a coastal area. Seeing water body made him calm. Of course a lake is nothing in comparison to a sea...there are no waves, no sound of waves, no sand and no star fishes on the banks of a lake......but the lake had it's own  activity. It had crabs and the crocks, the birds that came to  drink water or take a bath and occasional new visitors such as a mongoose , a snake, or a chameleon. All these months he sat around the lake till it got dark. .He sat alone. But since yesterday, he had company. And now that she had left, he found no reason to sit around the lake,he suddenly started feeling lonely. He picked up his jhola and headed for his room.

Day 3

Neil waited for her to arrive. It was past  her usual time of visiting the lake. He wondered whether he should go at the venue of the Advance course and look out for her. But that would look too desperate! Besides, there were around 4 batches of Advance courses happening in 4 different locations at 4 corners of the Ashram...he would be lost looking out for her. So he decided to bide his time.
And she came, thank god she came.

He turned and looked at her and gave a smile of relief!
She instantly must have understood why the relieved smile came her way and shook her head in disbelief!

"Yes. I've been waiting for you."
She signaled, "why?"
"Because I wanted to talk to you. Tomorrow is your last day of the course. Are you staying here longer?"
She said a "no". ( Said meaning in silence, in sign language/ through body language).

"Oh!So.... once you are asked to break your silence, we could go to the Ashram Canteen for a cup of tea and a small chat? Are you fine with it?"

She thought for a while, took out her notepad and scribbled, " What's wrong with having a tea while I'm in silence?"


" Oh you want to go now too? Sure! Pleasure is all mine!"


They both walked to the canteen which was almost 20 minutes walk from the lake. She walked in silence while he talked about his life in Kerala. How he went abroad for a higher education and realized his deep sense of connection with his roots. And after staying abroad for a couple of years, he returned to Bengaluru where he joined a MNC but did not find any satisfaction in the work or life and had finally turned to ashram life to find answers to his questions and wanderings on his destiny...


"You know what? In all these 6 months, I haven't felt so good talking to anyone else as I'm feeling talking to you. Please don't feel that I'm flattering you, I'm just being honest. There was something about just sitting in silence with you on the banks of the lake, and then we just saw each other and smiled and exchanged a few words again, and today I'm talking about my life and my innermost feelings. Though I wasn't in silence, it was almost similar to that for the past couple of months. I did not befriend anyone, nor did I find any company interesting. But I want to be your friend, but you are leaving tomorrow....that's so sad!


She smiled again.
They both drank tea at the canteen and Neil spoke continuously for almost 4 hours. They walked from the Canteen to the various gardens, to the Vedic school campus etc.


"Gosh! I'm talking so much. I'm tired! I hope you aren't feeling tired!"


She nodded and gestured that she has to take rest.


"Oh sure. But please remember we are meeting tomorrow. Should we meet at the Lake or the canteen?"


She gestured saying Lake.


"Alright. I'll be waiting here at 5 pm. And tomorrow, you'll talk...you'll tell me everything, okay?"


She smiled and headed for her room.


That night, Neil could not sleep.
Her silence was killing him. He had dated many girls, but none had eyes as expressive as hers. None smiled as sweetly as her. She wasn't beautiful as such, but she had a very good poise! Every time she did any gestures with her hand or mudras to convey any meaning, she was very apt and clear.He wondered where she must have come from, oh! He hadn't even asked her name, nor had he told her his name. She hadn't asked any questions, she gave only answers.


The next day, when Neil reached the lake at 5 pm, She was already there.
He was so glad to see her, he had got a nightmare that she wouldn't turn up.


"Hi! Finally, we are here.....I'm Neil." He extended his hand.
She smiled and shook his hand and showed her badge which had her name on it, which he hadn't noticed the last time," Ashwini".


"Nice to meet you Ashwini. But you can talk now."


She smiled and handed him a piece of paper.


" I can not talk. I'm mute. Last year I met with an accident because of which I lost my ability to speak. I'm taking treatments, it might take another 1 year to regain my voice, but it might not be the same. I'm or rather was a carnatic classical singer before the accident. I lost my livelihood to that fateful day. So I came to the Ashram because I had nowhere to go. Here, the courses and the treatments helped me improve. I'm learning bharatnatyam now from a teacher. Bharatnatyam is based on carnatic music so I understand it well. I have to go to Bengaluru since I'm joining a renowned Guru from tomorrow."


Neil looked up at her, unable to say anything. He did not know what went on in his head. He had too many expectations- he wanted to hear her voice, he wanted to hear her story, there's so much we connect to speech! So much we say..and here's a life in mute! It is better to be born deaf and dumb than lose your abilities at a later point when you've already depended so much on it!


She scribbled something else on that paper," I'm in silence...and I don't know for how long it's going to be this way!"





Photo by :

Paul Runnestø 

Random Letter to Somebody Part 4 (Abt: Boredom)

Dear Somebody,

I get so surprised with myself when I feel bored! Especially because the time when I feel bored is exactly the time when Life starts turning around......So , in a way I'm confused about my feelings. Am I bored? Or am I anxious of what lies ahead?

There are loads of films I haven't watched,

loads of books I bought and haven't read yet,

magazines that I haven't gone through,

a dozen exam papers I have to write still,

a dozen calls I've to make
etc etc etc....

But I don't do any of it!
Because for a while I want to feel empty!
I want to empty my mind of all the thoughts and all the worries and stop thinking for just a moment.....
1 moment....

and that would be the greatest moment of all!

I think that's what the aim of meditation is...to learn to empty your mind for just a second.....

So there it goes, I simply refuse to do all of the above activities for 5 days! I don't find it interesting, nor energising....they are just activities to do on day to day basis. I want to add something more to my every day.....I guess that something more is called "Peace of Mind".

I'm off to the Ashram now...where else can I learn to find peace of mind?
I want to take a break from the Internet, the TV, the chatting, the career and the ambitions....all starts looking useless at a point of time.
Hope the Ashram works its magic once more ....that's the dose I need to keep me going for the rest of the year.

You should try it too.
And yes, go alone. You suddenly realise how dependant you are on people.

Love
J

When do I get to live my life my way?

What does a "family" mean to my generation?
What does a "family" mean to my parent's generation?


What does a "friend" mean to my generation?
What does a "friend" mean to my parent's generation?

What does "My Life" mean to my generation?
What does "My life" mean to my parent's generation?

The answers are almost opposites!

Let me be frank here, I'm confused about why family is supposed to be more important than friends especially when it's  friends most of us are emotionally attached to. Family acts more like a bank, an ATM, financing our lives more than having an emotional connect with what we are.

In many cases, families play the role of a villain!
Stopping their children from doing what they exactly want to do!
All this in the name of protection and love!
Is it that friends care any less that's why they don't step in and stop?
Do they love us any lesser that's why they aren't against our wishes and desires?
Or is it that they know us better, that's why they support us?

Today, I might be taking some decisions because of what my family wants out of me.
Tomorrow, my children, will not do something , just because I want them to do so...I better have a reason for my advice for them!Even if I have a fair reason, they might not take my advice!

I find my generation  sandwiched!
Between my parent's generation ( who want us to listen to them) and my future generation ( who won't listen to us)....
Am I ready to be sandwiched between my parents having their way and my children having theirs?

When do I get to live life my way?
When do I get to live life my way?

Mee Sindhutai Sapkal Bolte



My mom happened to attend a series of talks by social workers in our hometown , and this woman, Sindhutai Sapkal had come to deliver a talk. This happened around 3 years back. My mom was totally moved by her story , so were the rest of the people who had come for the talk.

That day, when mom came home she told me her story and I felt so foolish for not attending the talk. I felt bad for not having met this great woman while she had come to my hometown. And I wished to see her, some time, somewhere.

I heard about her from my mom once again when I was in Goa. I heard that they are making a film on this woman! And I am waiting patiently for its release/ to get hold of a copy.

I'm hoping I will be able to achieve at least 1 % of what this great woman achieved, without the resources...without anybody's support!

In Short Sindhutai Sapkal is : ( Info from Wiki)

1. An Indian social worker and social activist known particularly for her work for raising orphan children.

2. Childhood nickname "Chindi" meaning torn cloth. She was named thus as an unwanted child. She could only attend school until 4th grade, attended part-time due to other family responsibilities. She was brought up in abject poverty. Got married at the age of 9. Her husband abandoned her at the age of 20, and she left home with her infant daughter. She later donated her biological child to the trust Shrimant Dagdu sheth halwai, Pune, only to eliminate the feeling of partiality between her daughter and the adopted ones. As of 1998 Sindhutai Sapkal has nurtured about 1042 orphan childrens.  Many of the children that she adopted are well educated lawyers and doctors, and some including her biological daughter are running their independant orphanages. One of her child is doing phd on her life. Till date she is honoured by 272 awards. She used all that money to buy land to make home for her orphan children. She has started construction and still looking for more help from world.

My choice!

"No!"

"Why not?"

"We don't like her. That's why."

"How can you not like her before even meeting her?"

"She's ....just...."

"Educated! Well aware! respectuful.....isn't it enough?"

"No. We do have educated , respectful girls in our community, in our country, don't we Siddhu?"

" Yes. But I love Ceona."

"What about us? Have you stopped loving us the moment you started loving her?"

" Maa......"  Siddharth looked at her with painful eyes, "Don't make me choose maa, please!"

" I've known this the moment you met her Siddhu. It's been a year , hasn't it?"

"Yes. I met her a year back."

" You don't call home that often, you don't speak properly....you don't need me anymore, do you?"

"I need you maa....Do you think things would be different if I let you choose the girl for me?"

"I'll be able to speak to her at least.....now what? She doesn't know my language and I don't know hers!"

Siddharth laughed a bit, "You will find a way around to communicate with her maa, just meet her once...just once!"

" How? Sign language?"

He took a momet to answer," Yes maa. Sign language....She can't hear, she can't speak!"

This news made Maa go mute for a few seconds.

He continued," On a brighter note, you will always be the one to speak and tell her what to do! Your daughter in law will not fight, nor complain about you, hows that? "

Maa was touched, she held Siddharth's hand, " But she won't hear what I say as well! Anyway, I guess this should work......when do I get to meet her?"

"Soon Maa"


The after-thought on this story:

Siddharth came in his room and relaxed on his bed...he was glad about the way things had gone with his mom. Just then the phone rang.

"So , how did it go?"

" Fantastic!"

"Maa agreed?"

" She wants to meet you as soon as possible!"

" Wow! How did you manage that loverboy?"

"Hmm.....Ceona, there's just one glitch that is in favour of everybody if handled carefully."

"What is it?"

" I told Maa you were dumb and deaf!"

"WHAT? WHY? How could you?"

" Look honey, relax! I've actually done you a favour. You don't have to talk nor listen to her, she'll talk to you, but there never is a scope for a fight!"

Just then Maa opens the door of his room, " Is everything fine Siddhu?" She keeps the ironed shirts on his table.
"Yes Maa."
"Who are you talking to?"
"A friend...."
(In the back ground Ceona is screaming at Siddharth!)
" She sounds like a woman to me..."
"Yes she is Maa..."
Maa narrowed her eyes," Careful Siddhu! You might think you'll get away with double timing on that poor simple dumb girl, but your mother still has her ears in perfectly working condition! I will not tolerate you cheating on Ceona...I will protect her as my own daughter...come what may!" She banged the door of his room as she left in fury..., "After all, how many mothers are lucky enough to have a daughter in law who listens to everything they say? I will not tell Mrs Khanna and Mrs Dixit about her disabilty...they will be so jealous of me! Gori bahu, that too one who listens to everything!" Maa relaxed on her bed with thoughts of a beautiful future and about how she will protect and care for the dumb and deaf Ceona!

Ceona continued screaming into Siddharth's ears the rest of the night.

Siddharth wished Ceona actually goes dumb in the process or that he goes deaf...either would save him from what lay in the future!

*Lost* ( Random letter to somebody part 3)

Dear Somebody,

I just hate this part of my life's story.......it's when I feel myself going into the dark corners, going deeper into unknown depths, hitting rough surfaces.....its when I feel alone, its when I feel abandoned....

Why do I feel abandoned?
Why do I feel as if I have nobody I can call my own?
Nobody I can depend on?
No-one I can trust?

Whether I'm surrounded by people at a party or playing a card game with my friends,
I know that when the time runs out, people will pack their bags and leave...
They'll leave...
They'll leave with their loved one, they'll leave with the one they call their own....
And it's just me with the cards, me with the empty glasses...
Maybe sometimes I will have some company...but I'm so sure he won't last my lifetime!

I have this strong desire to lock all my friends in a room and keep them with me forever!
I want to tell them.... "No! You can't leave....Not until I let you!"
I cook for my friends sometimes and I love to hear their happy chatter while I cook with all my love...
But I know, no matter what I do, They will leave...they have to....

I'll change cities, and places and I'm so sure I'll make new friends....
But at a point, all this makes no sense!
You accept someone as your own one day and the next day he walks away...
And you are left searching for a new friend, a new house, a new set up...
And just when I know that there is someone who'll hold on to me,
Just when it's time he tries to hold my hand tight,
I swiftly pull out,
I back off,
I slip from his hands and disappear into the darkness...into the same dark corners I hate so much, I let myself slip into the depths of the unknown and hit the rough surfaces.....I love this part of my life's story, or do I hate it?

*Lost*
*Lost*
*Lost*

J

The Right v/s The Wrong ( A story)

He came for his usual morning jog on the white sand a few steps from his Restaurant.
It was 8am, the sun was shining bright, the sea looked serene and calm, and the clear blue sky marked it as the perfect day!

The day started late around this part of the world called Goa, with the parties going on till morning.
Just a few people, mostly fishermen were seen on the beach at this hour.
Today though,Richard was a bit surprised to see a young girl sitting on the sand with a camera in her hands, busy clicking pictures of the sea.

Something about her did not let him take his eyes off her......She was a simple looking girl with  long curly hair, long legs and a petite figure.
Something inside him naturally made him change his direction towards her , he had never done anything like that before. He always maintained his distance from women, or else they might misunderstand his move towards them. But today felt like a different day, just with the presence of this girl around him.
He sat down next to her.
She did not notice his presence. she did not realize he was watching her. She seemed busy clicking picture of a couple taking a bath in the sea. He looked at her subject of interest for a long time, and finally realized he would have to make some special efforts for getting her attention.

"Hey, you don't seem to be a tourist around here!"
" I do not want any boat rides, no Dolphin rides, thank you!" She said without looking at him, she said without taking her eyes off her camera lens.

" Hi I'm Richard, I run that Restaurant called 'Adventurer's Inn'...that one back there. I have never seen you around here...."

Now he got her attention. She turned to look at him, and studied him, but did not say a word for a long time.

"Are you by any chance employed by that restaurant to pull customers?" She asked carefully.
"Nope. I own it."
"I'm sorry, I don't really understand. How can I help you? Or is this another way of trying to hook up a girl?"

He smiled," I don't know really. I come for a jog here everyday, and this is probably the first time I see a lady..... like you, with a camera...like that....this early on the beach."
"So?"
"See, I don't know why I'm sitting here, trying to make a conversation with you, trying to know you more...but something inside me pulled me towards you!"
"Honesty! Wow! Women love honest men , don't they?"

He looked away from her, he did not like the way she tried to judge his intentions. It wasn't her fault, he knew how men on the coastline treated a single lady.
Still, he couldn't let go," Would you like to have a coffee with me at my restaurant? It's just on the beach, a few steps back there actually."

She almost ignored his invitation and looked back at the sea.
" That couple you see in the sea, they are my friends , I've come with them."
" Oh the one you were photographing?"
"Yeah them!"
"Okay, you can call them along too...." He thought the girl was trying to take a safer stand.

"Na I wouldn't like to disturb them...."
"Romantic setting...isn't it?"
" Yeah! It is...." She kept looking at the couple. Richard realized that the girl had sleepy eyes, maybe she was tired, or had a hangover from yesterday's party...he couldn't tell.
She continued talking," but they are having 'Tha Talk' in there!" she said simply,calmly.

" They are? In the middle of the sea? Isn't that a bit bizarre? I mean a place like that for a break up?" He couldn't believe it!

But she was calm, not taking her eyes off her friends, " I don't know if they are breaking up....they've been in a relationship 8 years now....its not easy to break up!" She turned to look at him now," Have you ever broken up with anyone?" She asked innocently.

He smiled at her child like curiosity. " Haven't you ever?"
" You have to fall in love 1st, in order to break up. Isn't it?"
"Nope! You have to be in a relationship in order to break up!"

She took her time to think.
" I've never been in love..." There was a bit of regret in her voice.
"Why not?"
"I don't know.......I think I'm a bit too careful with my heart....I don't give it away that easily!"
"Oh! Lucky you! For the rest of us, its too difficult to tame our wild hearts....it keeps jumping and running around like a monkey!"
" Oh I wished I could be that way at least for a day......just let go and fall in love and not look for perfection and criteria...just ....live for the moment...you know what I'm saying?", She seemed to be breathing heavily, deeply.
" And why can't you just live for the moment? What's stopping a young beautiful lady like yourself?"

 She pointed at her head with her index finger, " This! My stupid head! My head that is too carefully programmed wouldn't let me lose focus from my busy career oriented life!"

" But you are here right now...you can relax, take a chill pill!"

" yeah I have! I have taken an anti anxiety, anti depressant chill pill! But even that doesn't stop this Hitler Head of mine....Do you know I'm a Doctor? I'm a Gold medalist who did nothing other than studying and scoring marks.... Do you know what they call me? They call me a Scholar! And they laugh at my back! Now I'm 24, and I'm getting married in a few days time......and all I would do my whole life would be the right thing....... always! Only the right thing! For once, I want to enjoy my life, for once I want to make a mistake , for once I want to have a dirty secret!"

He was losing her now, he couldn't really understand what was so sad about being a young beautiful Gold Medalist Doc?

"So ............." He was trying hard to frame a proper question, " ....Get over your fears, and do something......um.... wrong!"
"Like what?"
"Ummmm...... Do you drink?"
"No."
"Well! You could do that!"
" But that's nothing wrong! I want to do something that is wrong! You know actual wrong! Hard core wrong!People cry and make such a huge deal about having done a mistake in their life. I have seen people attempting suicide because they feel they are guilty of something..........what these idiots don't understand is, how important it is to make a mistake in life! How important it is to have wronged! It makes us Human , Damn it!.....I want to be human! I don't like perfection. I want my mind to allow me the liberty of taking a chance, and to have miscalculated and to have wronged, and learn from that mistake!"

"Oh come on, you must have wronged sometime, somewhere."

She hopelessly shook her head," No I haven't! Have you?"

" Well!Does cheating on my girlfriend count?"

"Yes!"

"Does taking LSD and forcing my friends to take it,count?"

She looked at him suddenly," Yes! Totally!"

"Does falsely proving an old friend a thief to own a restaurant count?"

"Jesus! It totally does!"

"Does getting a girl pregnant and abandoning her in the 7th month of her pregnancy , in the middle of nowhere, count?"

She plainly kept looking at him for a long time.
He stared back at her, " Does..."

"Stop it! Just stop it! How.........How do you sleep at nights Richard? How can you eat and digest that food? How do you get through each and every day knowing you are doing so much wrong?"

He looked down at his hands, " Wrong is all I ever saw. Wrong is all I ever did!"

"You have a choice Richard! You always have a choice to make."

"And what would I get for choosing right? Sitting like this on a beautiful day and regretting having been right my whole life? I rather continue being wrong, if that's letting me live! Your righteousness is not letting you live, but all my wrong deeds are letting me not just live,but even enjoy my life!"

She was quiet, she was thoughtful.
He kept watching her while she did her brain storming.
She sat straight now, and all her tiredness from her eyes was gone. Her eyes shone brighter! Her calm was broken as she got more restless.

"Richard, men like you deserve to be behind bars! You do not deserve freedom!"
" Men and women who know how to enjoy this small life deserve freedom young lady! And those who know to only sulk and cry over their successes need to be behind bars! They don't use their freedom to feel the joy anyway."
"I don't need to do any wrong in order to feel joy Richard!"
"But that seemed to be your contention at the start of our conversation. I remember you saying, in fact regretting just a few minutes back that all you would ever do in your life is the right thing!"

She looked at him with some hope now, " You made up all those wrongs to prove me wrong, right? You've made your point Richard! That was Smart!"
" You think I can make up wrongs just like that, one after the other, without having the intent for it?"
" If that's what you've done, or you think about ....then I must say you have a very sick mind Richard!"
" I do...why do you think I came and sat next to you?"

She gave him a very dirty look, collected her camera bag and her sandals and stood up at once, " I don't want to be dumped on my 7th month of pregnancy Richard!"
" Na....not everyone gets pregnant!", He said sheepishly.
" Bye....Hope not to see you ever again!"
" That's unfair...I told you the truth about my life to prove a point and now you run away from me? Hey, at least tell me your name."
" You don't deserve to know it!"
"Alright....You don't run away, I'll move myself from here!" He got up and handed her his card, "you can keep my card. Come drop in my restaurant sometimes. We serve good food and play good music at nights! Your friends might enjoy it! And don't worry, I'm not in a habit of stalking girls...though I'm sure that's a pretty good 'wrong' too, what say? I could add it in my cart of wrongs,huh? Ta ta....take care you beautiful photographer ,doctor ,gold medalist, righteous lady! wow! That was long...real long......"
He smiled and jogged away in the other direction.

Veronica looked in his direction till he was out of sight. She wanted to make sure he was well on his way and not following her. She suddenly realized how stupid she had been to come on the beach by taking the anti depressants! She had been so stupid to take those pills in the first place. Suddenly, the world felt like a better place to her. She had been not keeping well for over a month now, ever since she heard the news of her marriage being fixed. She did not understand why she was not keeping well all this time? Who had grilled this thought process in her head?

"Hey Vero,everything alright?" asked Kristi who was holding hands with James.
" Nice to see every thing's fine on your side Kristi!"
" We have finally agreed to get married by the end of this year!"Announced James!
"Oh really? Wow! Congratulations you guys! That's great news!" Veronica hugged and wished Kristi and James.
" Who was that cute guy you were talking to?" Kristi had noticed.
"Some restaurant owner." Veronica looked down at the card in her hands, it read -, "Adv. Richard!"
James: " advocate huh?......so what did you two argue about?" 

"Oh well! Wait a minute........." Veronica turned back to see if she could spot Richard. He was gone. She looked down at the card again, Adv. Richard! Now she realized where the list of "wrongs" came from so naturally.....He did not have to think much. It was probably what he was hearing, seeing and reading all the time.

His number was there on the card, She smiled!

Kristi: "Tell me bride-to- be, what did you argue with that lawyer?"

"Oh ..." Veronica was still lost in thought, going over their conversation in her head, " We discussed the 'Rights' and 'The Wrongs' of life!"

James: "You mean you discussed the law?"

Veronica smiled, "yeah we discussed the law. Anyway, lets get back to our rooms, its getting hotter!"

Veronica , Kristi and James headed back to their hotel. veronica turned a couple of times to see if there was any sign of Richard. there was none. "Hey we could come to his restaurant for dinner tonight!"
 The plan was made! She couldn't wait to meet him again!


Her head was telling her,"The choice is always in our hands! Life is what we make of it!"

Will we meet again?

A few times I've met people I would have loved to spend some more time with...would have loved to talk some more, share some more, know some more....but there wasn't any time and I'd to say an unwilling goodbye, hoping to meet them again sometime in life!

This used to happen a lot when I was younger, usually meeting people at camps, sharing addresses and phone numbers and trying hard to keep in touch while the distance tore us apart. And then I reached a point when I stopped sharing my contact details. I had become so sure of never meeting them again . I would always live in the moments and enjoy the company of the person while we had the time together.

But this sunday, I was in for a pleasant surprise!
There was a friend request from a friend I'd met over 10 years ago.
I remember, it was a 1 day trek at Doodhsagar waterfall. And I remember walking the whole stretch talking to him about school, about sports, about environment and friends and studies. We were both in 9th standard then, we went to different schools but lived in the same city.
We never met or contacted each other after that trek.

He was a good looking boy and I remembered him for a long time.
When I reached college, I wondered where he would be now.
I wondered , does he remember me as much as I remember him?
All I had was a photograph we had clicked.
I though I was being foolish. I thought I was being childish!

But seeing that familiar face on my facebook brought a smile to my face, it took me down the memory lane, took me 10 years back into that forest, on that narrow mudroad.... And in a second I realised that yes! He thought of me as much as I did. He liked me as much as I liked him. And though a lot of time has passed by and we have grown up , the friendship remains fresh as we left it!
We chatted, caught up on each other's lives and how we are and what we studied or are studying currently.
This has been the longest chat conversation I've had on facebook so far.
And we once again decided to keep in touch, and said a neat goodbye.

A few days back, I attended a camp wherein I met a lot of interesting people from different countries and many more from my own country. And though we are trying our best to keep in touch through facebook and through mails, I always wonder.......

Will we meet again?

A Letter for every Goan! ( For Green Mind,For Green Goa)

Dear Goan,

I'm riding in a boat, in a canal called Cumbarjua, far off in the interiors of Goa, to places I never explored in my 25 years of living and growing up in Goa. I'm on a mission to spot a croc here, there are around 28 Adult crocs spotted in this area, there's no formal report or document on how many are here though! And I've been lucky enough to spot 1....a large one...the largest I've seen so far...after one and a half hours of riding in the waters.....its a 10 feet big adult croc!
" You all are lucky to spot that one!" Says Dr. Manoj Borkar who's guiding us on this field trip.

It's crazy how Goa always hypnotises me with her beauty!
It's crazy how a few days back I reluctantly stepped in Goa on a vacation I did not expect much from and ended up attending a 6 day long International Camp on Climate Change organised by the British Council.

And while a part of me is making full on plans of breaking every tie with Goa,
Through this camp and its field trips Goa screams at me to not turn my back on her, she longs for my attention, she asks me to do my part for being her daughter!

Mining is eating Goa, and so is the careless tourism!
Goa still seems like a virgin land from far off...but you dig into her a bit deep and you see the wounds....perhaps those that will take a very long time to heal!

There's a need for the Goa Government and the people to have a green mind and to be eco sensitive to understand the problems of Goa and to come up with solutions. The integrity of the people of Goa and the policy makers is highly questionable. And if such an attitude continues, Goa is heading for a big disaster!

India is so obsessed with economics, that economics has become our only measure for success. But for a land as rich in biodiversity as India, we need to keep a balance between economics and the ecology.

A few years back I took up to organising camps for school kids so that they become aware of the situation and I have great faith in our next generation...They have the courage to stand up and talk about issues that at some point, my generation lacks!

Solutions are many, but are we ready to make the change? Are we ready for the change?
We Indians are so stuck in our cocoons of culture that we are bound by our senseless Do's and Dont's. We are stuck in our stereotypes!

From now on, I'll write a post, once a month about the solutions to each of Goa's or India's problems. Solutions that have been adopted by some country or some Indian state. Let's not talk only of problems anymore, let's talk about solutions now and let's show the courage to implement the solutions in our day to day life!


Those of my readers, friends, well wishers who are willing to make a change to their surroundings and protect the environment, please get in touch with me at jsincro@gmail.com and I shall put you in touch with people who can help you, guide you in matters concerning our environment.

Let's do our bit for our motherland!
Just one's.......please!!

Hoping for a positive response from educated  individuals!

About: The sudden emptiness after a major event

For the past several years, I've noticed my every new year start at such a slow, boring and sad pace that I almost want to stop living this life!

My exams just got over on the 31st and while I was studying last week, I'd thought of so many things I wanted to do- the list ran into pages. And now, suddenly I'm so free - I feel empty.

Sometimes .......no.....many times I wish I was a boy.
I could just pack my bags and go somewhere ,maybe travel a bit.
Being a girl, I've to stop and ask for company. If it's just 2 girls, then again its not very safe, so I gotta vouch for some more company....and that is so difficult especially when most people are not into planless, directionless travel...that the conclusion is almost always canceling of the plan! And I hate doing that!

This sudden emptiness after a major event is difficult to deal with!
Like for an example , my whole life was around this exam for the past couple of months. I thought of nothing else. And now when I'm actually on a holiday, I'm nervous! I don't know what to do. I find solace in sitting at my table and brushing through the same books I hated looking at just last week.
I don't want to go home, I don't want to go out...all I want to do is study some more.......just carry on with the same schedule that I'd so beautifully fitted into.

For the past 5 days, I open this page and stare at it. Try to brainstorm so that I can come up with some ideas, maybe write a story....I so want to write a story. But my brain has almost shut down! It's on a strike! It's not letting me write nor read a book nor watch a movie...not even bakwaas TV shows like splitsvilla!

I don't know how many more days it will take to get my brain working.
But I had to start somewhere, so this post!


I'll be back.......soon!