“Beta you are already 26, how long will you wait? Then you will have problems in having kids. You should get married as soon as possible!”
These are the dialogues most single Indian women must be hearing every time they step inside their house.
I’ve grown up looking at women. Whenever their husbands come home from work, they serve him a hot cup of coffee; they immediately get to work to cook a dinner in spite of the fact that they’ve returned from work themselves.
As soon as you are married in a typical Indian home, your responsibilities go on doubling. Your 1st responsibility is the over grown kid- your husband. Their mothers treat them like total kids and expect you to carry on the tradition. He needs to be given his clothes, his breakfast, his shoes- he cannot do anything on his own! And his wife who’s a couple of years younger to him ( in most cases) has to play his mother’s role!
( I still don’t understand why men make a huge deal about getting married! It should be the women who should run away from marriages and enjoy their single lives!)
You hardly step out of the Mandap at your wedding and you hear an old grandma chirpily wishing/ suggesting- “we would soon see a grandson on your 1st wedding anniversary photograph!”
An Indian wedding is usually a call of bad luck to many Indian women.
Don’t we have wishes and aspirations?
Even we want someone to take care of us for a change! We want to be cared for and mothered!
We want to see the world with a mind free from tensions and responsibilities!
We want to fly!
We like to fly!
Financially, you start saving the moment you get married- for the child! It’s like living an entire life only for the children! It’s a life of a slave, wherein you don’t enjoy anything and keep the best for your children.
Loans for children’s education!
Insurance for children’s health!
You are indebted throughout your life to the people who took care of your kids at some point of time!
Search for schools!
Requests to big men if you don’t get admissions!
Thousands of visits to the temple praying for your child’s wellness!
So on and so forth!
And while you are busy slogging and working…..even before you know it, they’ve become big enough to get married! Then you are again tensed about their marriages, setting up their lives and families and the cycle goes on!
Is this all our life is made up of ?
Having children is the only reason we get married?
Aren’t we circling in loops for centuries and for generations? Our grandparents did it, our parents did it, we will do it and some day force our kids to go through the same cycle!
Perhaps this is the reason our soul needs moksha! To get out of this cycle of life- to get out of this boredom!
Can’t we attain moksha while we are alive?
Just break out of this cycle! Do something different! Attain a new high for human life- think differently! All this is only possible , if:-
1. You don’t get married
2 You don’t get married
3. You Do Not Get married!
I completely agree with u. More and more women are becoming aware that there is more to life then just getting married and have kids. Although I should say there is a huge chunk of women (and men) who love the thought of getting married, settling down and have kids. Thats perfectly acceptable. But the society is very rude to the other chunk of people who dont think in those terms.
ReplyDeleteI guess there should be a fundamental change in the way we are brought up. For example, I remember that I had a subject in my school days by the name Community Living (CL). I admit it was boring hehe. But things like "Life of the new age woman of India", "Gender equality", "Manners" (This is already there), "Being independent" should be actively asserted to school children when they are young and moulding themselves to be the citizens of tomorrow. Currently, these topics are included in the education but passively. Passively in the sense indirectly refering to it through stories, poems which is all nice and should be there. But active assertion for example, in my school it was compulsory for me to wear clean clothes, cut your nails, tie your shoes, have short hair and so on. It really helped me to know that this is the right way of doing thinngs. Another example, I have a bad handwriting because I was not trained properly to have a good looking handwriting. I do have a cursive writing which I am proud of and which was taught to me in the kindergarten classes. hehe
The whole point I am trying to make is that your blog post shows the hardships that women face. And proper actively asserted values of life can be fundamentally included in education of children so that the next generation is more aware of such things.
Akshay
You have become a super blogger. I see new posts almost everyday! Carry on... Hope my comments are not too big!
ReplyDeleteAll that you mentioned in this post is true - but I personally feel things are changing now. The women's aspirations are being taken care of by their husbands too .. and most importantly, it's no longer "a kid in tow on the first anniversary" routine. Couples are delaying having kids until .. like .. 3 years into their marriage .. and they are spending that time without all the responsibility and the baggage that a marriage traditionally brought with it.
ReplyDeleteI disagree with the conclusion that not getting married is the only way to get out of the cycle of life. I think a better way is to find a life partner who shares the same outlook of life.
Hey, I completely agree with Kiran. Its better to wait until you find someone who shares the same outlook towards life instead of getting married coz you are getting older or coz everyone around you is married!Marriage for our generation is no longer a compromise. Its a responsible decision which would make life of the two individuals brighter!
ReplyDeletei signed in today coz i wanted to remove this post. it was written in a feat of anger coz m drilled on "why u shud have kids as soon as possible" lectures almost everyday!
ReplyDeletebut this post has opened up a most needed discussion, so i'll keep it.
@ akshay: 1st n foremost thanx 4 taking out d time to read my stuff! i completely agree with wht u have to say.
n abt comments, u can post a comment even bigger than my post! i've absolutely no probs! i love reading people's reactions and their views to a topic i've opened!
@ kiran n di: yes! i do agree with u tht the times r changing, bt tht's amongst a small class of ppl- mostly urban, educated like urselves! back home , in rural areas- i dont see a change happening for the next 2 decades to come.
@ di: almost every function i attend there are ppl asking me whn u r getting married! c? how much ppl care n r interested in ur life?
its true that u have to take ur time n get married whn u r ready, bt whn u live in this society, ppl jus dont let u b! its as if they dont have anything in their life!they r only interested in ur's!
d safest option is to move out of the city or the country if u plan on doing something radical n different!
in d end, i've said not getting married is d safest option coz as soon as u get married, d ball starts rolling!
Hey,since I'm unperturbed about my marital status, I don't think you should worry too much about people's questions :-). Just do the Ignoring Act!
ReplyDeleteyeah di!
ReplyDeletebt some ppl are like lizards! they stick to u no matter wht u r saying! :)