The Policy of Non Interference

It simply means that you strictly don’t go to interfere in other’s life and expect the same from the others.

Ever since I remember, I’ve been a strict follower of this principal. When I started out practicing this theory, a few times I erred, but that was mostly cause I cared about the people I interfered with. And then I realized, see? That’s how it starts! Everybody is sane enough and big enough to handle their own lives. Until and unless they ask for help, you don’t need to step in!

Somehow this is a principal not at all liked and accepted in the society that I am a part of. I’ve had my small share of life in Metro’s and I’ve loved the life because everybody follows this principal of non interference.

Every place- small or big has its own problems. And “ interference” is a No. 1 problem in Goa. You can’t really predict who won’t interfere with your life cause by and large – everyone does.

“Why don’t you wear your mangalsutra? Aren’t you married? Or is it simply because of style and fashion? But I tell you, you should wear your mangalsutra otherwise any men will start eyeing you!”

This dialogue was from a man I didn’t know but who knew my family well! My 1st few reactions were ( in my head) , “ what the hell is his problem? Until his wife wears a mangalsutra , why does he need to interfere and advise other’s wives? Is he attracted to me? Must be a MCP!”

There’s a bhashan I can give him on my theories of “why not to wear a mangalsutra!” but the question is , will he ever understand? What is the level of intelligence that I am dealing with over here?”

Its worthless talking to some people, and so I give a faint smile which clearly states, “Who are you? I don’t know you! Get lost!” and walk away!

“ Janaki you have become so fat! You look like an aunty!”
This dialogue from a woman who herself is no bigger than a stick! Men joke on her calling her a matchstick, and as flat as an airport (for obvious reasons!). As for me- I’ve always been a “khate peete Gharane ki Ladki!” – not fat, not thin!

I have a 1000 comments lined on such people, but I choose only 1, “hey, long time! Where were you all this time? In Somalia?”

People call me rude and outspoken!
I am none of the above!
People fail to mention how rude they are to others, how their tongues waggle all the time- they never mention.

There’s a saying, “you don’t need to tell a balding man he’s losing his hair! He already knows!”

But in our society our people make it a point to remind others of painful truths, remind others of memories they most want to forget.

Recently one of my close friend lost her 10 month old baby to an accident that happened at home. When I went to see her, there were women who were talking about how the mother was careless and what she shouldn’t have done. They were also blaming a person directly responsible for the death of the child!

An accident is an accident! It’s an unfortunate sudden incident! Which mother and which person would want an innocent child dead?

I wanted to shut the mouths which were making things worse for my friend! Blames, what if’s are not things to discuss at such a delicate moment in somebody’s life!

What is it that makes people to interfere in other’s lives?

1. If its someone close to you- best friend, mother, father, sister- who’s asking personal questions- its because of love and care. Till an extent, they have a right to interfere but that doesn’t mean they keep eating your head with queries. Why’s, how’s, where’s……… come on- show some trust sometime! It’s necessary.
We don’t have all the answers all the time! We are as confused as the person questioning us! And at that point all we need from our loved one’s is support and faith in us!

2. Most people interfere through “comments”- that is the safest and sure shot way to hit the person where it hurts!
Such people deserve a back answer which is 3 times more rude then their comment so that the next time they think of commenting on you- they think a 100 times.

3. Enquiring questions, such as, “what are you doing now?” “Why are you not doing this?” “Where were you between so and so dates?”
If the person asking is not too close, my answer- “why do you want to know?”
They mostly answer, “just like that!” . Then even I say, “ just like that!”
If the person asking is someone close, then explain if you want to- but personally I feel its best to keep some things to yourself- especially if your ideas are a bit maverick!


But having said all this, even after using all tricks and all the ways to keep people at a distance…. I haven’t completely succeeded. When one understands and shuts his mouth, a new one appears out of nowhere!

Dealing with family members is by far the most difficult task. And especially if they are the kind who don’t understand mavericks then one is in a complete soup!

Of course, like every other theory this 1 too has its weak points.

1. “Non- interference” creates distances amongst close people if followed too strictly.
2. In societies too, it creates an atmosphere where nobody cares about the other. So while most of the times you really want to keep people at a distance, there might be a few delicate moments in your life when you need everybody!
3. Interference or rather care for others is what makes us human! If practiced positively and with a good intention then nobody minds such interferences!