The Village Witch ( Part 1)

"I do not wish them to have power over men, but over themselves." 

~ Mary Wollstonecraft

"Dadii......." Anjali rushed out of her car and into her grandma's arms! Anjali hugged her dadi so tight, her dad was concerned,
"Anjali....careful! Don't squeeze your Dadi, she's not your teddy bear!" He warned her.
" It's okay Beta! When she was small I used to squeeze her, now its her turn!" Dadi was just too happy to see the whole family get together after almost 15 years.

Anjali and her family, that's her dad and mum had moved to New Delhi when she was 10. Since then they hardly ever visited their village "Dumaria", in central Eastern State of Bihar. Anjali's father always wanted the best for his daughter, he thought differently from the rest of his clan. He believed in equality of genders and an education for every woman. That was something unthinkable 15 years back....it is unthinkable even till date in this part of the world.

Anjali had gone abroad for a post graduate degree in Media studies and had got internship with BBC for almost 10 months. Thereafter she applied to the top media houses around US and UK and had got a job with Viacom Networks. She had come home for a short vacation before she started with a busy career.

She was nostalgic to walk through the corridors of their haveli and climb up the stairs to their old room, which was locked for the past 15 years and was now opened and cleaned for its old masters. Anjali was too excited, too happy to meet her full family and have everyone tell her she had grown up to be so beautiful!
"Yeh toh bilkul heroine ki tarah dikhti hai....filmon mein kyon nahi jaati Anji?"
"Jaungi Mausi...aap bas dekhti raho!"

The 1st day passed by in laughter, meeting lots of relatives and eating spicy food!

Anjali lay down on her old bed , relaxed, happy and content!
" Papa, there's really nothing like home!"
Her father looked at her, " I'm glad you connect to your land even after staying far away from it all these years Anji!"
" We should have come here more often!" Anjali always complained to her father for not making enough trips to Bihar.
" I thought it was in your best interest to let you have a safe and a sound adolescence Anji! You do not know how women are treated here, you have no clue."
"I've read a lot papa....."
"There' a difference in reading and seeing , and seeing and experiencing!" Her father's voice had that note of a strict warning, of definite knowledge, and of a patriarchal protector's instincts. Anjali did not pursue the matter further, after all she was here for just a couple of days.

The next day, her father left to check out a site for a factory with her uncles.
Her mom was busy in the kitchen with aunts and other female relatives catching up on the news headlines that shook the village over the past couple of years.

Anjali walked to the huge balcony and  let the sun rays bathe her! She closed her eyes and let the wind bring to her the flavors of what cooked in the kitchen and the scent of the sun-baked Indian earth. When she opened her eyes, she saw a young woman  looking at her from the road. Anjali tried to get a clearer look by shielding her eyes from the strong rays of the sun with her right hand. The young woman did not smile, did not wave her hands, she just stood looking at Anjali. Anjali could not recognize this frail, dark woman.

"Don't you remember her?" Her aunt Sarita was at her side.
Anjali took a while to recollect, "Meghna?"
"Yes! Poor girl. Lost her mother 1st, then she was married off at 18 and her husband died within a year of their marriage due to some disease, nobody really knows what it was. Everyone blamed her for his death. They call her the village witch now. The villagers believe she has a lot of dark powers that she uses to take revenge on people. How otherwise would her mother in law die within 2 years of marriage!?! Everything sounds so strange! My god, I'm getting goose bumps!" Sarita Auntie collected her clothes from the balcony and headed for the stairs.

"Sarita auntie....., why didn't you do anything for her when she was in trouble? I mean Meghna and her father used to come home quite often , right?"

"Her father left the village after all these deaths. She is left alone here. Nobody knows where she lives.Whenever anything bad in the village happens, the villagers search for her and beat her up. And surprisingly, everything comes back to normal after that." Sarita auntie said it as a matter of fact and climbed down the stairs.

Anjali was lost for words, Beat her up? Village Witch? What nonsense is this?

She turned to look back at the road,
the Village witch was gone.

( To be continued.....)

The Village Witch Part 2

I Am In Silence!

" I am in Silence"  It was written on the badge that hung in her neck. She showed it to him and smiled sweetly.

"Of course" He thought!

How foolish of him! He had been living in the Ashram for 6 months and knew every course that went on around.
People wearing the Blue and the Orange badges were a part of the advance course and were supposed to be in silence for a period of 4 days to 1 month- depending on what level of advance course one has reached.

"Is this the the first time you are doing the advance course?" He asked.

She nodded.

"Is this your first time in Ashram?"

She moved her head to indicate a "No". And she showed 2 of her fingers.

"Oh! It's your 2nd time!"

She disagreed again and after a while took out a pen and a notepad and scribbled- "It's been 2 months since I'm here!"

"2 Months? Wow! That's strange because I've been around here 6 months but  never saw you."

She scribbled- " I was taking some ayurvedic treatments and was advised to take rest most of the times."

That's a bit strange , he thought. He was so sure he knew all the 500 or so Ashramites. He had seen them walking on some or the other road, or during Satsang's or in a Ashram office or at least meditating under a tree!
Anyway, people have their own agendas when they come to an Ashram!

She moved her hands and signaled to him that she has to go. He nodded and she left.

It was the 2nd day of her advance course of 4 days and this was the 2nd time he had seen her around the lake.
Mostly nobody came around here. The lake wasn't exactly beautiful as such. People preferred more beautiful locations like the Ashram's various themed gardens. The Japanese garden was everyone's favorite for its rock formations, small water ponds and bridges.
Lake, on the other hand was an open area, there weren't any trees around and it was full of crocks. At the most, people came here in the afternoon's to watch the crocks sunbathing, but no-one turned around this side in the evenings. The lake was at the southern tip of the Ashram , it marked the southern border of the Ashram.

Neil had been visiting the lake every day for the past 6 months. He loved water, after all he came from a coastal area. Seeing water body made him calm. Of course a lake is nothing in comparison to a sea...there are no waves, no sound of waves, no sand and no star fishes on the banks of a lake......but the lake had it's own  activity. It had crabs and the crocks, the birds that came to  drink water or take a bath and occasional new visitors such as a mongoose , a snake, or a chameleon. All these months he sat around the lake till it got dark. .He sat alone. But since yesterday, he had company. And now that she had left, he found no reason to sit around the lake,he suddenly started feeling lonely. He picked up his jhola and headed for his room.

Day 3

Neil waited for her to arrive. It was past  her usual time of visiting the lake. He wondered whether he should go at the venue of the Advance course and look out for her. But that would look too desperate! Besides, there were around 4 batches of Advance courses happening in 4 different locations at 4 corners of the Ashram...he would be lost looking out for her. So he decided to bide his time.
And she came, thank god she came.

He turned and looked at her and gave a smile of relief!
She instantly must have understood why the relieved smile came her way and shook her head in disbelief!

"Yes. I've been waiting for you."
She signaled, "why?"
"Because I wanted to talk to you. Tomorrow is your last day of the course. Are you staying here longer?"
She said a "no". ( Said meaning in silence, in sign language/ through body language).

"Oh!So.... once you are asked to break your silence, we could go to the Ashram Canteen for a cup of tea and a small chat? Are you fine with it?"

She thought for a while, took out her notepad and scribbled, " What's wrong with having a tea while I'm in silence?"


" Oh you want to go now too? Sure! Pleasure is all mine!"


They both walked to the canteen which was almost 20 minutes walk from the lake. She walked in silence while he talked about his life in Kerala. How he went abroad for a higher education and realized his deep sense of connection with his roots. And after staying abroad for a couple of years, he returned to Bengaluru where he joined a MNC but did not find any satisfaction in the work or life and had finally turned to ashram life to find answers to his questions and wanderings on his destiny...


"You know what? In all these 6 months, I haven't felt so good talking to anyone else as I'm feeling talking to you. Please don't feel that I'm flattering you, I'm just being honest. There was something about just sitting in silence with you on the banks of the lake, and then we just saw each other and smiled and exchanged a few words again, and today I'm talking about my life and my innermost feelings. Though I wasn't in silence, it was almost similar to that for the past couple of months. I did not befriend anyone, nor did I find any company interesting. But I want to be your friend, but you are leaving tomorrow....that's so sad!


She smiled again.
They both drank tea at the canteen and Neil spoke continuously for almost 4 hours. They walked from the Canteen to the various gardens, to the Vedic school campus etc.


"Gosh! I'm talking so much. I'm tired! I hope you aren't feeling tired!"


She nodded and gestured that she has to take rest.


"Oh sure. But please remember we are meeting tomorrow. Should we meet at the Lake or the canteen?"


She gestured saying Lake.


"Alright. I'll be waiting here at 5 pm. And tomorrow, you'll talk...you'll tell me everything, okay?"


She smiled and headed for her room.


That night, Neil could not sleep.
Her silence was killing him. He had dated many girls, but none had eyes as expressive as hers. None smiled as sweetly as her. She wasn't beautiful as such, but she had a very good poise! Every time she did any gestures with her hand or mudras to convey any meaning, she was very apt and clear.He wondered where she must have come from, oh! He hadn't even asked her name, nor had he told her his name. She hadn't asked any questions, she gave only answers.


The next day, when Neil reached the lake at 5 pm, She was already there.
He was so glad to see her, he had got a nightmare that she wouldn't turn up.


"Hi! Finally, we are here.....I'm Neil." He extended his hand.
She smiled and shook his hand and showed her badge which had her name on it, which he hadn't noticed the last time," Ashwini".


"Nice to meet you Ashwini. But you can talk now."


She smiled and handed him a piece of paper.


" I can not talk. I'm mute. Last year I met with an accident because of which I lost my ability to speak. I'm taking treatments, it might take another 1 year to regain my voice, but it might not be the same. I'm or rather was a carnatic classical singer before the accident. I lost my livelihood to that fateful day. So I came to the Ashram because I had nowhere to go. Here, the courses and the treatments helped me improve. I'm learning bharatnatyam now from a teacher. Bharatnatyam is based on carnatic music so I understand it well. I have to go to Bengaluru since I'm joining a renowned Guru from tomorrow."


Neil looked up at her, unable to say anything. He did not know what went on in his head. He had too many expectations- he wanted to hear her voice, he wanted to hear her story, there's so much we connect to speech! So much we say..and here's a life in mute! It is better to be born deaf and dumb than lose your abilities at a later point when you've already depended so much on it!


She scribbled something else on that paper," I'm in silence...and I don't know for how long it's going to be this way!"





Photo by :

Paul Runnestø 

Random Letter to Somebody Part 4 (Abt: Boredom)

Dear Somebody,

I get so surprised with myself when I feel bored! Especially because the time when I feel bored is exactly the time when Life starts turning around......So , in a way I'm confused about my feelings. Am I bored? Or am I anxious of what lies ahead?

There are loads of films I haven't watched,

loads of books I bought and haven't read yet,

magazines that I haven't gone through,

a dozen exam papers I have to write still,

a dozen calls I've to make
etc etc etc....

But I don't do any of it!
Because for a while I want to feel empty!
I want to empty my mind of all the thoughts and all the worries and stop thinking for just a moment.....
1 moment....

and that would be the greatest moment of all!

I think that's what the aim of meditation is...to learn to empty your mind for just a second.....

So there it goes, I simply refuse to do all of the above activities for 5 days! I don't find it interesting, nor energising....they are just activities to do on day to day basis. I want to add something more to my every day.....I guess that something more is called "Peace of Mind".

I'm off to the Ashram now...where else can I learn to find peace of mind?
I want to take a break from the Internet, the TV, the chatting, the career and the ambitions....all starts looking useless at a point of time.
Hope the Ashram works its magic once more ....that's the dose I need to keep me going for the rest of the year.

You should try it too.
And yes, go alone. You suddenly realise how dependant you are on people.

Love
J

When do I get to live my life my way?

What does a "family" mean to my generation?
What does a "family" mean to my parent's generation?


What does a "friend" mean to my generation?
What does a "friend" mean to my parent's generation?

What does "My Life" mean to my generation?
What does "My life" mean to my parent's generation?

The answers are almost opposites!

Let me be frank here, I'm confused about why family is supposed to be more important than friends especially when it's  friends most of us are emotionally attached to. Family acts more like a bank, an ATM, financing our lives more than having an emotional connect with what we are.

In many cases, families play the role of a villain!
Stopping their children from doing what they exactly want to do!
All this in the name of protection and love!
Is it that friends care any less that's why they don't step in and stop?
Do they love us any lesser that's why they aren't against our wishes and desires?
Or is it that they know us better, that's why they support us?

Today, I might be taking some decisions because of what my family wants out of me.
Tomorrow, my children, will not do something , just because I want them to do so...I better have a reason for my advice for them!Even if I have a fair reason, they might not take my advice!

I find my generation  sandwiched!
Between my parent's generation ( who want us to listen to them) and my future generation ( who won't listen to us)....
Am I ready to be sandwiched between my parents having their way and my children having theirs?

When do I get to live life my way?
When do I get to live life my way?

Mee Sindhutai Sapkal Bolte



My mom happened to attend a series of talks by social workers in our hometown , and this woman, Sindhutai Sapkal had come to deliver a talk. This happened around 3 years back. My mom was totally moved by her story , so were the rest of the people who had come for the talk.

That day, when mom came home she told me her story and I felt so foolish for not attending the talk. I felt bad for not having met this great woman while she had come to my hometown. And I wished to see her, some time, somewhere.

I heard about her from my mom once again when I was in Goa. I heard that they are making a film on this woman! And I am waiting patiently for its release/ to get hold of a copy.

I'm hoping I will be able to achieve at least 1 % of what this great woman achieved, without the resources...without anybody's support!

In Short Sindhutai Sapkal is : ( Info from Wiki)

1. An Indian social worker and social activist known particularly for her work for raising orphan children.

2. Childhood nickname "Chindi" meaning torn cloth. She was named thus as an unwanted child. She could only attend school until 4th grade, attended part-time due to other family responsibilities. She was brought up in abject poverty. Got married at the age of 9. Her husband abandoned her at the age of 20, and she left home with her infant daughter. She later donated her biological child to the trust Shrimant Dagdu sheth halwai, Pune, only to eliminate the feeling of partiality between her daughter and the adopted ones. As of 1998 Sindhutai Sapkal has nurtured about 1042 orphan childrens.  Many of the children that she adopted are well educated lawyers and doctors, and some including her biological daughter are running their independant orphanages. One of her child is doing phd on her life. Till date she is honoured by 272 awards. She used all that money to buy land to make home for her orphan children. She has started construction and still looking for more help from world.

My choice!

"No!"

"Why not?"

"We don't like her. That's why."

"How can you not like her before even meeting her?"

"She's ....just...."

"Educated! Well aware! respectuful.....isn't it enough?"

"No. We do have educated , respectful girls in our community, in our country, don't we Siddhu?"

" Yes. But I love Ceona."

"What about us? Have you stopped loving us the moment you started loving her?"

" Maa......"  Siddharth looked at her with painful eyes, "Don't make me choose maa, please!"

" I've known this the moment you met her Siddhu. It's been a year , hasn't it?"

"Yes. I met her a year back."

" You don't call home that often, you don't speak properly....you don't need me anymore, do you?"

"I need you maa....Do you think things would be different if I let you choose the girl for me?"

"I'll be able to speak to her at least.....now what? She doesn't know my language and I don't know hers!"

Siddharth laughed a bit, "You will find a way around to communicate with her maa, just meet her once...just once!"

" How? Sign language?"

He took a momet to answer," Yes maa. Sign language....She can't hear, she can't speak!"

This news made Maa go mute for a few seconds.

He continued," On a brighter note, you will always be the one to speak and tell her what to do! Your daughter in law will not fight, nor complain about you, hows that? "

Maa was touched, she held Siddharth's hand, " But she won't hear what I say as well! Anyway, I guess this should work......when do I get to meet her?"

"Soon Maa"


The after-thought on this story:

Siddharth came in his room and relaxed on his bed...he was glad about the way things had gone with his mom. Just then the phone rang.

"So , how did it go?"

" Fantastic!"

"Maa agreed?"

" She wants to meet you as soon as possible!"

" Wow! How did you manage that loverboy?"

"Hmm.....Ceona, there's just one glitch that is in favour of everybody if handled carefully."

"What is it?"

" I told Maa you were dumb and deaf!"

"WHAT? WHY? How could you?"

" Look honey, relax! I've actually done you a favour. You don't have to talk nor listen to her, she'll talk to you, but there never is a scope for a fight!"

Just then Maa opens the door of his room, " Is everything fine Siddhu?" She keeps the ironed shirts on his table.
"Yes Maa."
"Who are you talking to?"
"A friend...."
(In the back ground Ceona is screaming at Siddharth!)
" She sounds like a woman to me..."
"Yes she is Maa..."
Maa narrowed her eyes," Careful Siddhu! You might think you'll get away with double timing on that poor simple dumb girl, but your mother still has her ears in perfectly working condition! I will not tolerate you cheating on Ceona...I will protect her as my own daughter...come what may!" She banged the door of his room as she left in fury..., "After all, how many mothers are lucky enough to have a daughter in law who listens to everything they say? I will not tell Mrs Khanna and Mrs Dixit about her disabilty...they will be so jealous of me! Gori bahu, that too one who listens to everything!" Maa relaxed on her bed with thoughts of a beautiful future and about how she will protect and care for the dumb and deaf Ceona!

Ceona continued screaming into Siddharth's ears the rest of the night.

Siddharth wished Ceona actually goes dumb in the process or that he goes deaf...either would save him from what lay in the future!

*Lost* ( Random letter to somebody part 3)

Dear Somebody,

I just hate this part of my life's story.......it's when I feel myself going into the dark corners, going deeper into unknown depths, hitting rough surfaces.....its when I feel alone, its when I feel abandoned....

Why do I feel abandoned?
Why do I feel as if I have nobody I can call my own?
Nobody I can depend on?
No-one I can trust?

Whether I'm surrounded by people at a party or playing a card game with my friends,
I know that when the time runs out, people will pack their bags and leave...
They'll leave...
They'll leave with their loved one, they'll leave with the one they call their own....
And it's just me with the cards, me with the empty glasses...
Maybe sometimes I will have some company...but I'm so sure he won't last my lifetime!

I have this strong desire to lock all my friends in a room and keep them with me forever!
I want to tell them.... "No! You can't leave....Not until I let you!"
I cook for my friends sometimes and I love to hear their happy chatter while I cook with all my love...
But I know, no matter what I do, They will leave...they have to....

I'll change cities, and places and I'm so sure I'll make new friends....
But at a point, all this makes no sense!
You accept someone as your own one day and the next day he walks away...
And you are left searching for a new friend, a new house, a new set up...
And just when I know that there is someone who'll hold on to me,
Just when it's time he tries to hold my hand tight,
I swiftly pull out,
I back off,
I slip from his hands and disappear into the darkness...into the same dark corners I hate so much, I let myself slip into the depths of the unknown and hit the rough surfaces.....I love this part of my life's story, or do I hate it?

*Lost*
*Lost*
*Lost*

J

The Right v/s The Wrong ( A story)

He came for his usual morning jog on the white sand a few steps from his Restaurant.
It was 8am, the sun was shining bright, the sea looked serene and calm, and the clear blue sky marked it as the perfect day!

The day started late around this part of the world called Goa, with the parties going on till morning.
Just a few people, mostly fishermen were seen on the beach at this hour.
Today though,Richard was a bit surprised to see a young girl sitting on the sand with a camera in her hands, busy clicking pictures of the sea.

Something about her did not let him take his eyes off her......She was a simple looking girl with  long curly hair, long legs and a petite figure.
Something inside him naturally made him change his direction towards her , he had never done anything like that before. He always maintained his distance from women, or else they might misunderstand his move towards them. But today felt like a different day, just with the presence of this girl around him.
He sat down next to her.
She did not notice his presence. she did not realize he was watching her. She seemed busy clicking picture of a couple taking a bath in the sea. He looked at her subject of interest for a long time, and finally realized he would have to make some special efforts for getting her attention.

"Hey, you don't seem to be a tourist around here!"
" I do not want any boat rides, no Dolphin rides, thank you!" She said without looking at him, she said without taking her eyes off her camera lens.

" Hi I'm Richard, I run that Restaurant called 'Adventurer's Inn'...that one back there. I have never seen you around here...."

Now he got her attention. She turned to look at him, and studied him, but did not say a word for a long time.

"Are you by any chance employed by that restaurant to pull customers?" She asked carefully.
"Nope. I own it."
"I'm sorry, I don't really understand. How can I help you? Or is this another way of trying to hook up a girl?"

He smiled," I don't know really. I come for a jog here everyday, and this is probably the first time I see a lady..... like you, with a camera...like that....this early on the beach."
"So?"
"See, I don't know why I'm sitting here, trying to make a conversation with you, trying to know you more...but something inside me pulled me towards you!"
"Honesty! Wow! Women love honest men , don't they?"

He looked away from her, he did not like the way she tried to judge his intentions. It wasn't her fault, he knew how men on the coastline treated a single lady.
Still, he couldn't let go," Would you like to have a coffee with me at my restaurant? It's just on the beach, a few steps back there actually."

She almost ignored his invitation and looked back at the sea.
" That couple you see in the sea, they are my friends , I've come with them."
" Oh the one you were photographing?"
"Yeah them!"
"Okay, you can call them along too...." He thought the girl was trying to take a safer stand.

"Na I wouldn't like to disturb them...."
"Romantic setting...isn't it?"
" Yeah! It is...." She kept looking at the couple. Richard realized that the girl had sleepy eyes, maybe she was tired, or had a hangover from yesterday's party...he couldn't tell.
She continued talking," but they are having 'Tha Talk' in there!" she said simply,calmly.

" They are? In the middle of the sea? Isn't that a bit bizarre? I mean a place like that for a break up?" He couldn't believe it!

But she was calm, not taking her eyes off her friends, " I don't know if they are breaking up....they've been in a relationship 8 years now....its not easy to break up!" She turned to look at him now," Have you ever broken up with anyone?" She asked innocently.

He smiled at her child like curiosity. " Haven't you ever?"
" You have to fall in love 1st, in order to break up. Isn't it?"
"Nope! You have to be in a relationship in order to break up!"

She took her time to think.
" I've never been in love..." There was a bit of regret in her voice.
"Why not?"
"I don't know.......I think I'm a bit too careful with my heart....I don't give it away that easily!"
"Oh! Lucky you! For the rest of us, its too difficult to tame our wild hearts....it keeps jumping and running around like a monkey!"
" Oh I wished I could be that way at least for a day......just let go and fall in love and not look for perfection and criteria...just ....live for the moment...you know what I'm saying?", She seemed to be breathing heavily, deeply.
" And why can't you just live for the moment? What's stopping a young beautiful lady like yourself?"

 She pointed at her head with her index finger, " This! My stupid head! My head that is too carefully programmed wouldn't let me lose focus from my busy career oriented life!"

" But you are here right now...you can relax, take a chill pill!"

" yeah I have! I have taken an anti anxiety, anti depressant chill pill! But even that doesn't stop this Hitler Head of mine....Do you know I'm a Doctor? I'm a Gold medalist who did nothing other than studying and scoring marks.... Do you know what they call me? They call me a Scholar! And they laugh at my back! Now I'm 24, and I'm getting married in a few days time......and all I would do my whole life would be the right thing....... always! Only the right thing! For once, I want to enjoy my life, for once I want to make a mistake , for once I want to have a dirty secret!"

He was losing her now, he couldn't really understand what was so sad about being a young beautiful Gold Medalist Doc?

"So ............." He was trying hard to frame a proper question, " ....Get over your fears, and do something......um.... wrong!"
"Like what?"
"Ummmm...... Do you drink?"
"No."
"Well! You could do that!"
" But that's nothing wrong! I want to do something that is wrong! You know actual wrong! Hard core wrong!People cry and make such a huge deal about having done a mistake in their life. I have seen people attempting suicide because they feel they are guilty of something..........what these idiots don't understand is, how important it is to make a mistake in life! How important it is to have wronged! It makes us Human , Damn it!.....I want to be human! I don't like perfection. I want my mind to allow me the liberty of taking a chance, and to have miscalculated and to have wronged, and learn from that mistake!"

"Oh come on, you must have wronged sometime, somewhere."

She hopelessly shook her head," No I haven't! Have you?"

" Well!Does cheating on my girlfriend count?"

"Yes!"

"Does taking LSD and forcing my friends to take it,count?"

She looked at him suddenly," Yes! Totally!"

"Does falsely proving an old friend a thief to own a restaurant count?"

"Jesus! It totally does!"

"Does getting a girl pregnant and abandoning her in the 7th month of her pregnancy , in the middle of nowhere, count?"

She plainly kept looking at him for a long time.
He stared back at her, " Does..."

"Stop it! Just stop it! How.........How do you sleep at nights Richard? How can you eat and digest that food? How do you get through each and every day knowing you are doing so much wrong?"

He looked down at his hands, " Wrong is all I ever saw. Wrong is all I ever did!"

"You have a choice Richard! You always have a choice to make."

"And what would I get for choosing right? Sitting like this on a beautiful day and regretting having been right my whole life? I rather continue being wrong, if that's letting me live! Your righteousness is not letting you live, but all my wrong deeds are letting me not just live,but even enjoy my life!"

She was quiet, she was thoughtful.
He kept watching her while she did her brain storming.
She sat straight now, and all her tiredness from her eyes was gone. Her eyes shone brighter! Her calm was broken as she got more restless.

"Richard, men like you deserve to be behind bars! You do not deserve freedom!"
" Men and women who know how to enjoy this small life deserve freedom young lady! And those who know to only sulk and cry over their successes need to be behind bars! They don't use their freedom to feel the joy anyway."
"I don't need to do any wrong in order to feel joy Richard!"
"But that seemed to be your contention at the start of our conversation. I remember you saying, in fact regretting just a few minutes back that all you would ever do in your life is the right thing!"

She looked at him with some hope now, " You made up all those wrongs to prove me wrong, right? You've made your point Richard! That was Smart!"
" You think I can make up wrongs just like that, one after the other, without having the intent for it?"
" If that's what you've done, or you think about ....then I must say you have a very sick mind Richard!"
" I do...why do you think I came and sat next to you?"

She gave him a very dirty look, collected her camera bag and her sandals and stood up at once, " I don't want to be dumped on my 7th month of pregnancy Richard!"
" Na....not everyone gets pregnant!", He said sheepishly.
" Bye....Hope not to see you ever again!"
" That's unfair...I told you the truth about my life to prove a point and now you run away from me? Hey, at least tell me your name."
" You don't deserve to know it!"
"Alright....You don't run away, I'll move myself from here!" He got up and handed her his card, "you can keep my card. Come drop in my restaurant sometimes. We serve good food and play good music at nights! Your friends might enjoy it! And don't worry, I'm not in a habit of stalking girls...though I'm sure that's a pretty good 'wrong' too, what say? I could add it in my cart of wrongs,huh? Ta ta....take care you beautiful photographer ,doctor ,gold medalist, righteous lady! wow! That was long...real long......"
He smiled and jogged away in the other direction.

Veronica looked in his direction till he was out of sight. She wanted to make sure he was well on his way and not following her. She suddenly realized how stupid she had been to come on the beach by taking the anti depressants! She had been so stupid to take those pills in the first place. Suddenly, the world felt like a better place to her. She had been not keeping well for over a month now, ever since she heard the news of her marriage being fixed. She did not understand why she was not keeping well all this time? Who had grilled this thought process in her head?

"Hey Vero,everything alright?" asked Kristi who was holding hands with James.
" Nice to see every thing's fine on your side Kristi!"
" We have finally agreed to get married by the end of this year!"Announced James!
"Oh really? Wow! Congratulations you guys! That's great news!" Veronica hugged and wished Kristi and James.
" Who was that cute guy you were talking to?" Kristi had noticed.
"Some restaurant owner." Veronica looked down at the card in her hands, it read -, "Adv. Richard!"
James: " advocate huh?......so what did you two argue about?" 

"Oh well! Wait a minute........." Veronica turned back to see if she could spot Richard. He was gone. She looked down at the card again, Adv. Richard! Now she realized where the list of "wrongs" came from so naturally.....He did not have to think much. It was probably what he was hearing, seeing and reading all the time.

His number was there on the card, She smiled!

Kristi: "Tell me bride-to- be, what did you argue with that lawyer?"

"Oh ..." Veronica was still lost in thought, going over their conversation in her head, " We discussed the 'Rights' and 'The Wrongs' of life!"

James: "You mean you discussed the law?"

Veronica smiled, "yeah we discussed the law. Anyway, lets get back to our rooms, its getting hotter!"

Veronica , Kristi and James headed back to their hotel. veronica turned a couple of times to see if there was any sign of Richard. there was none. "Hey we could come to his restaurant for dinner tonight!"
 The plan was made! She couldn't wait to meet him again!


Her head was telling her,"The choice is always in our hands! Life is what we make of it!"

Will we meet again?

A few times I've met people I would have loved to spend some more time with...would have loved to talk some more, share some more, know some more....but there wasn't any time and I'd to say an unwilling goodbye, hoping to meet them again sometime in life!

This used to happen a lot when I was younger, usually meeting people at camps, sharing addresses and phone numbers and trying hard to keep in touch while the distance tore us apart. And then I reached a point when I stopped sharing my contact details. I had become so sure of never meeting them again . I would always live in the moments and enjoy the company of the person while we had the time together.

But this sunday, I was in for a pleasant surprise!
There was a friend request from a friend I'd met over 10 years ago.
I remember, it was a 1 day trek at Doodhsagar waterfall. And I remember walking the whole stretch talking to him about school, about sports, about environment and friends and studies. We were both in 9th standard then, we went to different schools but lived in the same city.
We never met or contacted each other after that trek.

He was a good looking boy and I remembered him for a long time.
When I reached college, I wondered where he would be now.
I wondered , does he remember me as much as I remember him?
All I had was a photograph we had clicked.
I though I was being foolish. I thought I was being childish!

But seeing that familiar face on my facebook brought a smile to my face, it took me down the memory lane, took me 10 years back into that forest, on that narrow mudroad.... And in a second I realised that yes! He thought of me as much as I did. He liked me as much as I liked him. And though a lot of time has passed by and we have grown up , the friendship remains fresh as we left it!
We chatted, caught up on each other's lives and how we are and what we studied or are studying currently.
This has been the longest chat conversation I've had on facebook so far.
And we once again decided to keep in touch, and said a neat goodbye.

A few days back, I attended a camp wherein I met a lot of interesting people from different countries and many more from my own country. And though we are trying our best to keep in touch through facebook and through mails, I always wonder.......

Will we meet again?

A Letter for every Goan! ( For Green Mind,For Green Goa)

Dear Goan,

I'm riding in a boat, in a canal called Cumbarjua, far off in the interiors of Goa, to places I never explored in my 25 years of living and growing up in Goa. I'm on a mission to spot a croc here, there are around 28 Adult crocs spotted in this area, there's no formal report or document on how many are here though! And I've been lucky enough to spot 1....a large one...the largest I've seen so far...after one and a half hours of riding in the waters.....its a 10 feet big adult croc!
" You all are lucky to spot that one!" Says Dr. Manoj Borkar who's guiding us on this field trip.

It's crazy how Goa always hypnotises me with her beauty!
It's crazy how a few days back I reluctantly stepped in Goa on a vacation I did not expect much from and ended up attending a 6 day long International Camp on Climate Change organised by the British Council.

And while a part of me is making full on plans of breaking every tie with Goa,
Through this camp and its field trips Goa screams at me to not turn my back on her, she longs for my attention, she asks me to do my part for being her daughter!

Mining is eating Goa, and so is the careless tourism!
Goa still seems like a virgin land from far off...but you dig into her a bit deep and you see the wounds....perhaps those that will take a very long time to heal!

There's a need for the Goa Government and the people to have a green mind and to be eco sensitive to understand the problems of Goa and to come up with solutions. The integrity of the people of Goa and the policy makers is highly questionable. And if such an attitude continues, Goa is heading for a big disaster!

India is so obsessed with economics, that economics has become our only measure for success. But for a land as rich in biodiversity as India, we need to keep a balance between economics and the ecology.

A few years back I took up to organising camps for school kids so that they become aware of the situation and I have great faith in our next generation...They have the courage to stand up and talk about issues that at some point, my generation lacks!

Solutions are many, but are we ready to make the change? Are we ready for the change?
We Indians are so stuck in our cocoons of culture that we are bound by our senseless Do's and Dont's. We are stuck in our stereotypes!

From now on, I'll write a post, once a month about the solutions to each of Goa's or India's problems. Solutions that have been adopted by some country or some Indian state. Let's not talk only of problems anymore, let's talk about solutions now and let's show the courage to implement the solutions in our day to day life!


Those of my readers, friends, well wishers who are willing to make a change to their surroundings and protect the environment, please get in touch with me at jsincro@gmail.com and I shall put you in touch with people who can help you, guide you in matters concerning our environment.

Let's do our bit for our motherland!
Just one's.......please!!

Hoping for a positive response from educated  individuals!

About: The sudden emptiness after a major event

For the past several years, I've noticed my every new year start at such a slow, boring and sad pace that I almost want to stop living this life!

My exams just got over on the 31st and while I was studying last week, I'd thought of so many things I wanted to do- the list ran into pages. And now, suddenly I'm so free - I feel empty.

Sometimes .......no.....many times I wish I was a boy.
I could just pack my bags and go somewhere ,maybe travel a bit.
Being a girl, I've to stop and ask for company. If it's just 2 girls, then again its not very safe, so I gotta vouch for some more company....and that is so difficult especially when most people are not into planless, directionless travel...that the conclusion is almost always canceling of the plan! And I hate doing that!

This sudden emptiness after a major event is difficult to deal with!
Like for an example , my whole life was around this exam for the past couple of months. I thought of nothing else. And now when I'm actually on a holiday, I'm nervous! I don't know what to do. I find solace in sitting at my table and brushing through the same books I hated looking at just last week.
I don't want to go home, I don't want to go out...all I want to do is study some more.......just carry on with the same schedule that I'd so beautifully fitted into.

For the past 5 days, I open this page and stare at it. Try to brainstorm so that I can come up with some ideas, maybe write a story....I so want to write a story. But my brain has almost shut down! It's on a strike! It's not letting me write nor read a book nor watch a movie...not even bakwaas TV shows like splitsvilla!

I don't know how many more days it will take to get my brain working.
But I had to start somewhere, so this post!


I'll be back.......soon!

Romancing the Balance Sheet of Life!

For the past couple of months I'm learning a few things about financial statements such as Profit and Loss Account and the Balance Sheet.
I won't say I'm very good at making them!

But today, at the end of the Year 2010, the end of this decade...I'm wondering....What is it that I learnt in this decade?
Especially this Year?

And you know what?
I might not be knowing how to make a financial Balance Sheet,
But I sure have learnt to Romance the Balance Sheet of my life!
Everything did not turn out my way, the way I'd planned for it...( In commerce terms, I did not stick to my Budget!)
A few things failed terribly - causing pain, difficulty and heart ache. ( They call it- Losses)
But a few others turned out good!
I goofed up at times!
But few risks, were worth taking!
Life's a gamble!
Nothing comes with guarantees!
But you gotta trust your instincts!
Your strong points- your assets- Parents, Friends,well wishers!

What's the point in gains that you haven't worked hard for?
Why be so sad about losses?
It's all a part of life!
The point is to try and keep the balance and have fun while doing the balancing act!

Wished I had some more time to write some more,
But I gotta go and welcome the new year!
After all, it's going to be a new day, a new year, a new decade and a whole new beginning!

I wish you all a wonderful new year and a new decade!
Have a good time!

About: Auto Drivers and their Nakhraas!

I just arrived in Bengaluru!

Rickshawalas lined up after me to take me to my destination....but I wasn't picking any....Some said they would charge only Rs.150,some for 1 and half the actual meter fare ...but nobody said they would take me home at the meter rate.

A proper meter usually comes to Rs.95 to 100 for my trip. No more!

So I took my time, I did not want to curse myself for being fooled again by another rickshaw driver.

At the end of the road stood one driver with his rickshaw. He looked simple and decent. And he did not follow people ,coaxing them to take his services. So I went and asked him for his services. He said he would go on meter charge.

I felt so happy and proud of myself for being able to spot an honest auto driver. I thought this time, I can relax in the auto without having to keep a watch on the meter.

Not even 20 minutes down the road, I felt the meter was running too fast. I looked at it again.....tried to tell myself that maybe I was hallucinating! This has happened so many times, I don't know how the correct meter works anymore. But no.....it had happened again! Like every other time! The meter was not just fast...it was running super fast. Faster than the Auto!

 I wasn't even close to Dairy Circle and it had crossed Rs.130/-. I could no longer shut up and as usual started my argument about faulty meters, complaining to the police and blah blah!

The driver paid no heed. He plainly asked me to go ahead with my plans and do whatever I liked! And that Nothing could stop him or hurt him!
I felt like a small rat trying to fight a huge monster!

I quickly got to work then. Typing on my cell as many details about the driver as possible! When he saw me do that, he got even more wild and rude and started abusing me in Kannada or some south Indian language.

When I reached my destination I asked him again about the faulty meter. It was showing 176 now! The highest I've seen so far for that journey.
Thought he would get scared of me as he had seen me note down his details. I also questioned him about the validity that had expired. But nothing could scare him, nothing made him stop abusing me. Finally I showed him the middle finger , threw the money on his face and walked away.

But I decided I wouldn't ignore this one this time like every other time. I'm always in a hurry to get somewhere and these kind of people take advantage of that fact.

So I mailed a complaint 1st on transcom@kar.nic.in.

Then I asked Kiran to supply me with any other agencies keeping a watch on these auto's.

And he sent me dis link : " http://auto404.org/



You dont even need to log in and do any of this stuff if you have the application for mobile phones installed:


http://www.getjar.com/mobile/47748/autocomplaint-for-nokia-e51/?s=phones


To Download to Your Phone:
1) Go to m.getjar.com on your phone
2) Select Quick Download code on the bottom of the page.
3) Enter Code: 47748 to begin download."

I registered myself and the complaint.
These guys also have their blog at http://auto-404.blogspot.com/
Do check it out.

I don't know if anything will happen about my complaint. I'll keep you updated about it.
But I would like to believe something will be done!

Life moves on... ( Random letter to someone Part 2)

Dear Someone,

Not that any of my days have been bad this year.........in fact they have been GOOD!
It's  Gooooooood! (Remember Jim Carrey style in Bruce Almighty?)

And Yesterday was a particularly GOOD DAY!

I'd gone to Roshni's house yesterday. She's giving the same professional exam as me.
We were studying together. This is after such a long time that I'm studying with someone. And it so felt like I'm back to school life! She has this very cute house with 2/3 levels of terrace and a mini terrace garden. We sat outside on one of the terrace studying all day. It felt so good to sit under the bright blue sky and study. We studied from morning 9.30 to evening 5.30 pm. (Wohha)With mini breaks in between and ending the day with a game of badminton! Perfect!

I felt nostalgic....it brought memories of some long lost forgotten faces. I stood on the terrace thinking, trying hard to remember....who was it that I've spent so much time with in my childhood? I remember she had a house similar , with multiple levels of stairs which I used to love to climb and jump down from.....I remember we had played a lot of games on those stairs, and I've  fallen on them, injured my leg and gone home limping on many occasions.

No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't remember who she was.....but that Dejavu feeling kept lingering on me throughout the day. I got back home, a bit tired but a lot more happy. Not just because I'd studied so much and covered a lot of portion but also because I'd a good time. At the end of the day, I told one of my friend that I feel as fresh as a school kid! As if I've started my journey into education just now and I can and want to go on....I want to say," I'll become an Inspector, or maybe a school teacher or a Detective!" Nothing is impossible! Nothing's beyond reach!

And then today morning I woke up early...made my breakfast and as I sat sipping my tea, that face I've been trying to search in my memory appeared in front of my eyes. Her name is Sheetal! And she was my best friend throughout my childhood. I've spent so much time with her playing....I don't remember playing so much with anybody else. And for a while I was speechless! How could I let her go from my life? I've been so busy with life and at times I messed up so royally, coming out of that mess took all my attention that I lost these jewels on the way......and I did not make any attempt to get back to them.

Today I'm going back home, we have a family function this weekend. If I want, I can get her number within seconds and give her a call. I don't know if she's angry with me or whether she'll feel that I'm faking a friendship now. I don't know if she's the same girl anymore, I don't know if she'll find me totally changed as well! I don't know if we both will be okay with this changed new us!All I know right now is...I had a great friend called Sheetal and I'm not in touch with her anymore....for whatever reason, I wouldn't blame either of us because that would mar all the good memories that I've of her.

We lose some people in the course of life,
We decide to drop some others out,
Some others we meet by chance and we stick to them,
And a very few are destined to be together!
Only time can tell what's the fate of each relationship.
Whichever way you meet or depart,
Life moves on.... It has to move on!

Isn't it??


LOve

J

Welcome December!

A major part of me has become a weather man for my best friend in Goa. Reporting the weather conditions almost everyday.
The Reason?
The amazing climatic conditions offered by Bengaluru!

For people who haven't lived in hot sweaty coastal areas, you probably don't know what I'm talking about. But after spending my whole life sweating back there in Goa, Bengaluru feels like heaven!

After staying here in Bengaluru the whole year, I'm wondering what's so good about Goan climate that we locals should be proud of?

Goa is well known for the sun,the sand and the sea!

True!
But it makes sense when you reap the benefits of such a locale!
It makes sense if you hit the beach everyday, play on the sand,swim in that clear sea water and bask in the sun.

But my whole life, I was hardly able to do it.

1st: Most locals avoid the beach because of the number of tourists on the beach.
All goans inherently hate Outsiders( We prefer the foreigners to Indian tourists for the obvious reasons being :
A: Foreigners Expose! .....And they say a Hello and they smile!
B: They don't dirty our land!
C: They don't act crazy like they're free after serving prisontime!

Actually, we hate crowds and We love exclusivity.......

That's Bullshit!

The truth is most Goans just don't know to enjoy the beach...we'll never think of graduating to bathing in the sea from making sand castles and taking walks on the beach. We will only watch the foreigners in their bikinis and on their bicycles, we will never even dream of doing it ourselves atleast once in our lifetime....The Reason?
A. Most of us do not have the Bikini figures!
B. Some of us who are blessed with the bikini figures are forced to think...." Log kya sochenge? Yeh samaj kya kahega?"
C. We are boring, lazy and uncreative.....We just don't know to have a good time! We rather sit in a shack and drink a Beer!

The conclusion?
Come summer,come winter....Goa is hot!
Season after season, you go through life in the same fashion.......without learning how to swim, without feeling the clear sand all over you,without enjoying the weather and ultimately your life!

Well!
We Indians shy away from exposing but we love to drape ourselves with lots of clothes...so for that reason cold climate is suitable!
Bengaluru right now is cloudy, windy and cold!

Some of the activities I can think of doing in such weather are:

A. Make a cozy bed with lots of pillows and just dive in! If you have someone along, even better!

B. Pick up a favourite novel, make a hot chocolaty drink, sit in the balcony or on the terrace and enjoy the book and the cold weather draped in a warm shawl/sweater!

C. Roam the city...go on foot in local markets and do some shopping!

D. Meditate in one of the many well maintained parks offered by the city. Or take a walk Or play an outdoor game!

E.  Put on your favourite music and listen......winters are more related to soft, romantic music...so that should be your pick....in case you are confused!

F. Write!

Well! This is just a list of things I can think of doing alone......if there's company, the list is endless!

Make a campfire one particularly cold winter night, call your friends and have a BBQ party on the terrace Or a nice singing session Or  a Story Telling Session....even better if they are Horror stories!

Or a simple Sky Gazing Session!

A few days back we spotted a Huge Halo/Ring around the moon created by ice crystals in the atmosphere.

It really felt like a huge spaceship in the sky with the clear full moon in the middle. We called all our friends and asked them to either join us or watch it on their terraces.

For now,

I picked up my laptop and decided to follow option E and write!

Some of the things you want to avoid doing in such lovely weather is sit indoors and study and that's what I'm doomed to do these days....Well! No worries.....Winter's shall continue longer than my exams so I won't miss the fun!

For the very 1st time in my life....... I welcome the real winters with open arms! Of course snow fall would have completed the picture but that would also ruin so many other plans by limiting freedom of moment.....for now, this is pretty good!

A Conversation with my Brain.

Sweetheart, I know you are angry with me ......I did not keep my promise...

Grrrrr.............

But Times have changed,I need new information to back my knowledge base, you know....

Look,I know I'm making you do things you don't like doing.....and I'd promised you long time back I wouldn't stress you with it......but.............Hey,are you listening?

NO!

Look, I really need you to co operate with me here, okay? This is us....together we can do anything....and you know very well that it's not the case that you don't understand what I'm trying to make you understand , right? You are just being too adamant and lazy!

REALLY? Is that it? This is MATHS , you young lady! You know very well how much I hate that subject!

No you don't hate that subject! You hated the teacher....you hated the way she made you feel!

But you know this new teacher who's teaching us is really nice...she's funny, and makes things really easy!

I don't know all that! 

I'm done with you here.....I had just said I'd try to understand,okay? Just TRY!

And now ,you and that teacher of yours wants me to be an expert at solving those complicated sums, and use those formulas and do what not.......

You have no idea how much I've to run around and ask that memory department of mine to retrieve the Maths related files that were stored and locked and never touched for 10 years now!

My Memory Department isn't co operating with me, my left side hasn't been much in use for a long time....your job so far only related to my right side......I'm scared of entering the left side and it's dark rooms now!Yikes!

What? 

Don't look at me like that.....Don't give me that stare...that attitude of yours.....I'm serious!

And what makes you think I'm kidding all this while?Huh?

Brainy, listen......and you better listen carefully this time.

I gave you 2 months to get used to what things are going to be like from now on......no more excuses.....no more complaints and no more attitude....got it?

You will do as I like...I won't do as you like.....get that straight!

I'm the boss here, not you!

Really? ( haha...laughs)

Miss....you are forgetting, I run the show here. 

When I say go...your muscles move....when I say eat....you feel hungry...when I say....

SHUT THE FUCK UP!

I'm the soul, 

 I'm the core....

I'm the one who controls you!

You can't see me, doesn't mean I don't exist!

You have functions and you are defined....you have a face and a position.....

But I'm the mind....

I'm the director who pumps energy in you....

(Brainy thinks......"I thought Blood pumps energy...??!!%&$#@")

Blood?? Are you there?

Why don't you say something?

I'm not going to fight with the boss Brainy! Please don't pull me into this!

What??

See? Blood seems to have more sense than you do!

Now listen buddy, we have no time to waste, we gotta act fast.....if you don't get up and get kicking now, things are only going to get harder for you with time.......

I need you to use every damn department that exists in you, I'm letting you eat a lot already,blood is doing her job and so are the rest of the organs....Am I Correct?

EVERYBODY: YES SIR!

I want you to get over your blocks.......all that I can't do this and that and that department aint co operating, doesn't matter to me...I want results! I don't care how you motivate them....drink Glucon D, Redbull, whatever you think will take to break open those dark rooms, Do it! Just Do It! 

And stop sleeping so much all the time.

You can shut those creativity sessions and rooms for a while...we don't need them to make stories over equations and formulas and get a script together on a life of a student.....

When the time comes, we can get them started....Not now! 

Any questions??

Grrr.........

That won't do brainy......that won't do!

I've listened to you all the time....I've never pushed you to your limit.

But now is the time I'm really asking you to show your true colors.....show me what you got Brainy!   

I'm a Creative Brain for heaven's sake.......is that a crime to be?

It's not! 

But I do consider it a crime if you are not using all that you've got in there!

Open every damn door! I don't want any Dark unused rooms in there.

Everybody has some dark rooms...okay?

I don't give a shit about what everybody does.....all I care about is us..Got it?

(Under the breath) That's your problem!

What? Did I hear another complaint??

No B....Boss! No complaints anymore...Only results!

Blood chuckles..     

Good! Now that's my girl!

I know you are really smart and capable...only if you stop acting so adamant all the time...you could do more...anyway...I know you are really pushing yourself beyond your limit...and I'm sure you'll do well! After all, what am I here for? :-)

Thanks J....That really helps :-)

I'll do all I can....

Let's see what happens!

Karm kare jao Bachha, fal ki chinta mat kar!  

And this is the end of our creative room for a while...we can lock it till the end of this year.....

I've tried....but sometimes the creative juices flow out, then we have to open it and utilize it.

That's alright once in a while...

Okay then,

Time to get back to work!

Until next time dear Brainy...

Muuaaah! ;-) 

Nightmare

Innocent as a child,
So Sweet like a sweet,
Soft steps leading me,To the night so deep!

Trust in my heart,
Faith in my soul,
I walk step in step,
To the dungeons unknown.

Dreams so high,
Wishes so many,
Hopes of all shapes,
And the company of a Canny.....


Caution from a friend,
Worried look of the sister,
But that's not enough to save me,
From the forthcoming sinister.


Dark and cold,
Like the depth of the sea,
No light for what seems like centuries.

Cuts and bruises on my body,
Trembling in the cold, I'm lonely...
Distant voices scare me,
Unfriendly whispers surround me.

I hold myself so tight for a moment, I hear my heavy breathing,
I'm alive,and that's all that matters,
I'll find my way out,
Sometime ....
Maybe Now or a bit later.

I hit against a door,
And cry and shout for help.
I fall a few steps down below,
In another laid trap!

When will this end?
Will it end at all?
Or am I going to die in here?
Not knowing where I was after all?

The Nightmare is long, its cruel, it hurts.
It breaks my shell, it covers me in dirt.
It scrapes off my skin,and as I bleed in pain,
The soft new skin shows its brilliance in the dark rain,
And I breathe heavy ....one last time,
And open my eyes to see,
A whole new me and a day shining brightly!

About gossip and other aimless chatter!

I agree that everybody gossips....some gossip more, some less...but everybody does talk about others at some point of time, because we are all connected!
But how much of gossip should be practiced? How much of it should be encouraged and tolerated?
Do we gossip because we have nothing better to talk?
Or we gossip because we don't want to touch on the more important issues?
I think it's the later! We gossip because we want to keep people's attention away from our own issues and troubles. It's a defensive technique wherein we distract people by talking about someone else.

The troubling time is when people can not have a normal conversation without any form of gossip in it.
"Hey how are you? Long time...Do you know so and so?"
"Who? Why?"
"Just like that. Heard he got fired from work because of some money racket!!"

And so it goes on.
I agree we do need to know certain things that are happening around us.
But I totally disagree with the way it is morally and ethically accepted as a part of our survival and passed on from generation to generation as a value, forming a part of our culture.

Priceless!! ---Diwali Special Post---

Planning for this Diwali: 2 days
Diwali shopping : Rs. 1000/-
Preparing Diwali special Goan food for the first time: 3 hours!

Hearing My mom's proud voice over the phone when I told her I managed the cuisine single handed??   PRICELESS!
Getting complimented for the good food ??  PRICELESS!


Cooking has never been my forte'!( And that's a big flaw for a girl to have....in Indian society. It's okay if you are not educated but you don't know to cook??? Shame Shame!!)
In fact I would prefer serving 100 hours as a punishment than get into the kitchen and cook food............but this was yesterday!
This Diwali ,that Janaki who had a mind block over cooking, is gone!

This Diwali I made 4 Goan Dishes,all by myself, just by taking a few notes from my mom over a telephonic conversation!
Either my mum gives really good instructions or that I'm a real quick learner........I think it's both! :-)

Today's achievement taught me a lot!
A. We are not born with all skills, but given a sincere try, nothing is impossible!
B. Completing a task, meeting small challenges, gives so much joy and is a real assuarance about self!
C. There is nothing called a Mind block...it doesn't exist in real! It's fictitious....a game our mind plays on us to cage us.....Challenge it!
D. Give yourself the time, don't be pushed towards any activity just because someone expects you to do it! When you do something because you want to do it, the satisfaction you get out of it, is Priceless!

This Diwali was the best I've ever had till date......And I thank god, my friends and every single person who made this day special for me!
What's more....I did not light any firecrackers!!So it was totally a safe,natural,environment friendly Diwali Celebration!
Though it was fun to watch people having a good time lighting the crackers...there was so much excitement in the atmosphere!At a point of time I really wondered,what are they so happy about? Why are they lighting so many crackers? Why so much noise?? But then,I have to confess, Diwali would be boring without the lights and the noise! Somehow noise is an indication of happiness.....people speak loudly when they are happy and excited......that shows there is a connection between happiness and noise levels!

It was nice taking a walk around BTM today evening!
It was nice getting Mehendi done on my hand!
It was kind of funny to see how stupidly people light crackers......sometimes the fireworks back fire...and everybody runs everywhere!
It was wonderful to look around 360 degrees from my terrace and see the night sky bursting with colours for 3 hours and more..........and wonder ......."What the Phog* man!!!" 
(*Courtesy: Shashank Govekar. The phrase 'What the Phog' is specially coined by him for this Diwali. Phog in Konkani means Fireworks......)

Well! To everyone....Wish you all a very Happy Diwali and a wonderful year ahead!

And yes......this is what I cooked.

From the left: Batat fov,Chanyachi usal,Rosatle fov ani doodhatle fov!

Fov means Rice flakes.

so once again, here we go in English:
From the left: Potato in Rice Flakes,Green Peas cooked in grated coconut,Rice flakes cooked in coconut milk, Rice flakes cooked in milk!

A Random Letter to someone!

My Dearest Someone,

Well! A lot of things are happening around, as usual. Just that I don't write about it because I purposely don't log in, or I end up wasting a lot of time, doing some totally useless (sometimes useful) research on wiki and google.If there was some more time I could have come up with so many wonderful characters and stories.....I will do that...but later! Sometime in the new year...Jan 2011.

Hey, Do you know that I'm studying a lot now a days? I'm 25 and I'm surprised with myself that I still enjoy studying. When I was in 10th std I'd once decided ''Graduation''...that's it! No more!
But look at me here....I want to go on...study new subjects...take up a challenge, find a teacher, take her scolding, feel useless, score really low marks maybe and wonder what's wrong with my brain and its capacity... ..but I want to be a student...not just till I complete this course...but throughout my life!
I am a student at heart...I love to learn, anything, everything......

Hey,about something that happened with me : The other day, there was this man on a scooter who followed me while I was walking to my class and grabbed at my jacket. I really don't know what he was upto. He then went ahead ,stopped his bike and kept looking at me. He was wearing a helmet, so I did not see his face. It took me 15 seconds to get myself out of the ''Freeze'' stage! Yeah! That's what happens to me when I feel threatened......earlier, when I was younger, this Freeze stage would take forever...I could do nothing about it...but with time, and bitter experiences, I learnt...and I pulled myself out of it. I quickly made a call to a friend and held it to my ear and took out the pepper spray that was in my bag. The man watched me for around a minute and then left. I walked as fast as I could to my class...and when I reached there....I started trembling! Because I was aware the whole time that my pepper spray could do no harm to that man with the helmet on...and I was aware of my weaknesses and I thought about situations that could happen, that have happened with other girls and women....what if it was a van which had stopped by? Am I strong enough to fight 2 to 3 men?


There are these times when I feel so threatened from the world...I feel attacked. And I've had more than a few experiences, wherein either nobody was around to help me, or that even when I raised an alarm, nobody came for help!It has happened so many times with me in Goan buses. Goan buses are the worst transport services I've ever experienced so far.They pack in people like we are some goods to be transported. There are no separate compartments for men and women. I wonder what the government has been doing about this all these years...useless people all of them!

In these buses, its an everyday event to have your butt pinched or ass slapped or be touched at some other place and not even know who did it! One such time I raised an alarm and shouted at a man, the man shouted back at me, backed by the conductor who asked me to Behave myself! Their argument was, if I can not handle a crowd, then why am I travelling by a public transport..? Girls like me should always travel by private vehicle!

Now I've accepted this reality as a part of life. It's not just these men who misbehave with women, mind you. But also those who consider women as 2nd class citizens. Who despite of an education and a degree, do not know how to treat a woman.

At times I see my soul separate itself from my body. These real sick men can only try to mess with my body and my emotions but they can never touch, never reach,never hurt my soul! And then I realised, that even if I was really hurt badly by one of these sick men, in some bad way....maybe physically,emotionally,sexually........I would still survive, because my soul is too strong, too adamant to let go of life!


Oh Well! Those were some really serious paragraphs, weren't they?
It's just that this thing happened recently so it's still fresh in my mind, and it brought the memory of all the old times.
What really helped when I got back home was a reassuring hug from a close friend....
sometimes a jaduki jhappi is all you need when words can't help!
Oh what would I do without friends?
Nothing!

Hmm......What else?It's getting late and tomorrow night is Diwali! I am going to make some Goan dishes for my friends.....I've never cooked those before....but I'm sure my friends will understand and accept and finish the food! :-)

That's it for now,
will get back with more news as and when time permits,
Take care,
And hey...in spite of all that I said....I still love life!
So don't worry about me, I'm fine and Rocking!

Love
JSincro

( Please Note: 
To the Reader of this letter, 
You can be that someone and write to me. One sentence or a real long mail.........anything you would like to say,share,express....just like you would ,to a pen friend maybe?
I really love to read letters. 
So Your responses are most welcome and awaited!)